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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

DS is sat in his room and not allowed to play.

158 replies

youarekidding · 28/07/2011 13:43

He also thinks I've cancelled the holiday after pretend phonecall whilst stategically stood outside his bedroom.

I am finding him really difficult atm, thing is though he really isn't a naughty child and if asked to stop doing something he will. He is also quite passive and accepting of things and doesn't argue when I say 'we're doing x and then y and z this way'.

However he is just NOT engaging brain, doesn't seem to be treating anything with repsect and drawing on any bit of paper, packaging he see's when he has a draw full of it that I've made available to him.

The other day he was drawing a map and picked up his Infant school leavers assembly programme and began crossing out names and adding others. I told him he doesn't draw on anything without asking and he had ruined the last thing he has from Infant School. He had earlier on in the day takjen his leavers book into after school club - he is told repeatedly everything stays in his bag on the peg, because there's lots of children aged 4-12yo with free reign and it keeps things safe. He took it in left it by a sink and another child has soaked it by accident and it is ruined.

So today my mum takes him out and buys him a new scooter for holiday. I take it from box and put together, go to toilet and come back to find him drawing all over the box. OK, so not a biggy as it will go in the bin but I thought after ruining something important by the same actions he would heed my advice.

He had also taken again to coming to yell through the toilet door about needing food/ drink everytime I go. This morning he woke at 5:50am. I told him it was too early, to go to bed and watch a DVD and I would come and get him at 7.30am. 6.55am he comes in, sees I'm asleep so pokes and calls me repeatedly until I wake up wanting to know if he can have a chocolate from the box a pupil bought me. He knows this would not be allowed. If he had asked aproppriate time he would of been allowed but as it is he isn't having 1 at all all day today - I have told him this and explained why.

He gets lots of positive praise, but recently nothing is ever enough and as a struggling LP who's saved hard for 5 days away I'm really very sad.

AIBU to simply get him accept the pleasures he has or get nothing?

Sorry ranting a bit but at least I'm not yelling at him.

OP posts:

Claw3 · 28/07/2011 19:44

So he was in his room and he thought the holiday was cancelled for drawing on the box that you were going to throw away?

insanityscatching · 28/07/2011 19:46

You seem to be the engineer of the unhappy household rather than a little boy of 7 who is just a child and so obviously won't have an adult's awareness of others' needs nor what his mother considers appropriate behaviour.

RMutt · 28/07/2011 19:49

I don't think people are suggestiong that at all but you were going to throw out the box anyway And now he's apologised anyway.

He sounds a nice chap who sometimes forgets what he's supposed to do in some fairly minor areas, which is typical at his age(imho). He also loves a bit of chocolate and was chancing his luck and woke up too early.

None of that is anything terribly badly behaved, awful or unusual to me. It's just family life with children and at that age (and older) they don't always engage their brain.

I also doubt the effectiveness of making pretend phonecalls cancelling his holidays.

You sound very stern, but I'm also sensing that might be because you have a lot on your plate.

alowVera · 28/07/2011 19:50

Um, you're his mum, of course he would wake you up. It is not his fault that you are (like most of us) not good in the mornings.

He is not likely to appreciate the "memories" until he is an adult with kids of his own much much older. As a rule I put these things away/out of reach so DCs do not get a chance to damage them.

TheCrackFox · 28/07/2011 19:50

How can drawing on something be destroying memories?

spiderpig8 · 28/07/2011 19:51

he did draw on paper? And did you throw out his leavers book because it got wet?

lookingfoxy · 28/07/2011 19:53

You sound really strict, he sounds completely normal for his age, doesn't sound like your dealing with it very well.
Pretending to cancel the holiday was just cruel.

BluddyMoFo · 28/07/2011 19:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mollymole · 28/07/2011 19:57

you come across as very harsh - he is behaving like a normal, lively little boy - get your backside out of bed earlier, get him fed and chill a bit !

Claw3 · 28/07/2011 19:59

"He is also quite passive and accepting of things and doesn't argue when I say 'we're doing x and then y and z this way"

No wonder! very harsh in my opinion

MoreCrackThanHarlem · 28/07/2011 19:59

Yabu

I think he did well to stay in his room for an hour- dd is 10 and had only just started leaving us to sleep while she entertains herself.

Drawing on a box destined for the rubbish is a non issue.

You sound as if you have lost sight of what is normal child behaviour.

RMutt · 28/07/2011 20:03

I can remember years ago really telling dd off for messing about with a special decoration that'd been on her Christening cake. I was keeping it as a special memory from that day.

She was only small and it was a magnet to her and I told her off for it

When I look at it now I always think of that and wish I'd let her have the darn thing. She's 12 now. Dc have given me a million wonderful memories but they're in your head and heart not in stuff. I like to keep things of course, but bits and bobs go missing and get broken along the way. And sometimes their childish writing and scribbles on things are part of those memories.

After the episode with the cake decoration I really decided not to worry so much. Enjoy what's happening now, the memories will take care of themselves. And if it's a valuable thing just put it away.

Jellykat · 28/07/2011 20:05

He could be the next Michelangelo..

Oo - If you think he's pushing boundaries now, you've got a hard time ahead when he's 13+

Relax.. Have a

RitaMorgan · 28/07/2011 20:07

You sound like you've totally over reacted to very minor, irritating things - not naughtiness.

You do sound a bit mean on the waking early thing - you want him to just sort his own breakfast, entertain himself and not bother you. Which he did, for an hour! But you're still cross with him bothering you at 7am.

Original poster

youarekidding · 28/07/2011 20:09

I am usually up and showered before he even emerges on a school day. How many times? it is not that he woke me up, but that he was poking me and repeatedly nagging for a chocolate which he'd been told to wait til after breakfast for, when I said give me 5 minutes to wake up. He also did it 3 times when I was on the loo. FFS he can wait 2 minutes - I seriously cannot believe any of you would allow your child to nag you about chocolate whilst you are using the loo.

My DS has masses of stuff for making things, he knows where it is and has free reign with it. But it does not mean he can just chose items from my paper tray to draw on when he choses. Underneath the booket was an important form, if he had drawn on that it would have been a major problem. Its my paper draw on the sideboard.

We have loads of fun. When we go out with friends I am the one playing tennis etc with children, going in the sea with them or exploring the sand banks at low tide. I make huge dices and play games such as the chocolate game. They all say I'm the most fun.

I do not think expecting a little bit of respect behaviour wise in return is asking too much.

I really cannot believe that you all say I'm not feeding him. I got the idea of the breakfast and food he could help himself too from MN. On a thread where a mum was saying their 6/7yo was up at the crack of dawn, the mum was tired etc etc. The advice was to let him/her watch TV and get their own breakfast and child of this age should be able to care for themselves for a little bit. The advice was also to say what an acceptable time to be up was - it was 7am in the advice. I do it and it fails once and suddenly I'm a terrible parent who's DS deserves better.

OK, I get it, I'm a terrible mum, now I'm going to go and get DS back up out of his bed and tell him for about the 20th time today I love him as I think the poor lad needs to hear it again.

OP posts:

LetThereBeRock · 28/07/2011 20:11

Why ask AIBU? if you're so convinced that you aren't,in spite of what everyone else has said?

MoreCrackThanHarlem · 28/07/2011 20:16

He drew on a cardboard box that you were going to bin fgs! Not a wall or furniture or anything else.
He asked for a chocolate- hardly the end of the world.

Please rethink your attitude towards him. He may have apologised but that doesn't mean he recognises he behaved badly, just that he wants to stop the bad feeling between you.

Did you throw his leaver's book away?

insanityscatching · 28/07/2011 20:17

So if he'd got his own breakfast and he knew he could have chocolate afterwards then that's why he was nagging for chocolate.
He was only going by what you said. That it was almost seven o'clock wouldn't have occurred to him.
You'll look back on this when you are older and think what a fool I was you know.
Just relax and enjoy him and when he's fourteen and lying in bed until lunchtime get your own back and wake him up at about 10am

RitaMorgan · 28/07/2011 20:19

It's your reaction that people are criticising - sent to his room, not allowed to play, pretending to cancel a holiday. While his behaviour might not be ideal nothing you've mentioned warranted such a harsh reaction from you.

LetThereBeRock · 28/07/2011 20:21

I don't think you're a terrible parent,but you are being far too harsh. Does it really matter if he draws on a box that's about to be thrown out,and pretending to cancel the holiday like that was pointless and cruel.
You need to focus on the things that matter and not allow yourself to get worked up over minor issues,that aren't worth upsetting either you or your ds over.

BluddyMoFo · 28/07/2011 20:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Dogsby · 28/07/2011 20:22

except HE IS SITTING IN HIS ROOM, not SAT

FreudianSlipper · 28/07/2011 20:22

he sounds bored, get out to the park or common let him run about, get a kite hours of fun i laughed the whole afternoon as i was so crap at trying to fly it

you seem to be very hard on him give him a bit more freedom, stop getting at him and praise him for the great things he does do

MoreCrackThanHarlem · 28/07/2011 20:23

I agree with Rita.
In simple terms, he nagged for chocolate (irritating, admittedly), and drew on a box, so you shut him in his room and pretended to cancel his holiday.
A HUGE over reaction.

Claw3 · 28/07/2011 20:25

No one is saying you are a terrible parent, just that you dealt with him quite harshly on this occasion and you did ask for our opinions.

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