To chuffing LOVE that on certain threads people always say stuff like

[Dogsby]

" what starter shall i have" - anti pasto

and any sodding thread on madeleine maccann some sour mouthed tosser puts " ooh no one calls her maddie in hter family" like it really MATTERS fgs.

what predicatable posts make you nuts?

I love those threads that pop up occasionally on AIBU like:

"I've started weaning my ickle bubba on those jars she's only 8 weeks but since I had her ears pierced she likes something sweet to calm her down I tried her with choclit buttons but it dribbled onto her denim jacket and I couldn't wash it out then it rubbed on the pram so I had to buy a new one and my best mate got all upset cos I got the same pram as her but a different colour and she told all our mates on Facebook and now they won't speak to me and my boyfriend fancies her instead and I think he's been messaging her and he didn't come home til four in the morning and he'd only gone round to her house to put her plasma telly on the wall and I had his name tattooed on my wrist and everything"

MN goes thermonuclear

"My DP/DH ...." "Leave him."

Also any AIBU thread where the poster says "Please be kind I've got me hormones on" (or words to that effect).

Sidge.

(Although a little worrying just how you are fluent in that vernacular)

Pregnancy experiences:

'Oh well being pregnant was fabulous for me, best time of my life. No I felt great for the whole 9 months, never had morning sickness, no piles, varicose veins or farting like a pig. I worked right up to week 40 and ran Olympic Marathons right up to the second before I went into labour. It was fantastic, and I only put-on 3lb!'

Yuk. Excuse me while I get some rope and hang myself.........although not sure there is there a tree within a hundred miles that'll take my weight at this advanced stage

This thread has made me laugh :o

I like the "I'm not racist, but..." comments, usually followed by some ignorant assertion that Muslims cause cancer/killed Diana/started the global recession.

Sidge that is a classic :)

"I would never leave my 12 year old at home on their own. For a start, it's illegal!"

I have a good degree from a Russell Group university ...

'We just chose the school that was right for our child, which just HAPPENED to be the private one with boaters. Definitely nothing to do with the tiny classes, lack of disruption and networking opportunities. No, it just had the right FEEL and we thought it would meet DC's NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEDS.'

Oh oh, how about the macho mums who pop up on every 'why won't anyone give me a seat on the bus' thread, shouting at some poor woman about to pop that PREGNANCY IS NOT AN ILLNESS AND I WAS RUNNING MARATHONS WHEN 49 WEEKS PREGNANT WITH TRIPLETS AND IN ANY CASE ALL THOSE COMMUTERS HIDING BEHIND THEIR PAPERS MAY HAVE HIDDEN DISABILITIES FOR ALL YOU KNOW.

BIWI I found it really difficult to type with no punctuation - I think I held my breath the whole time I was typing!

A poster once asked how much her life would change when her baby was born. About 1000 MNers typed responses which basically said the same thing. I hope the OP got the gist after the first 15 replies and then hid the thread.

I do wonder if she ever came back and told everyone they were right

Why is this thread in AIBU?

I'm not asking, I am just giving another example of a typical arsey post.

In relationships
"my dp is angry that I pick him up from work/get the shopping/buy him some new socks. I don't remember agreeing to do this, but he insists I did"
" get out now, he is a gas lighter." call women's aid NOW

There does need to be a Guess What Happened to Me Today? topic, though.

those who adopt are just plain lazy

Do you really, NoelEdmondsHair? What are you doing with it now?

"PFB grandparents never EVER look after him/her but are ALWAYS with my DB/DSis kids and i feel like second best, no one EVER offers to help me"

Then it turns out the OP has never bothered asking anyway.

"Grandparents never look after my kids and i think its TOTALLY unfair that they aren't responsible for my kids as well as bringing me up. How dare they enjoy free time now that we have left home and they have retired?"

"I'm peeing more/have sore nipples/other pregnancy symptoms that could actually be symptoms of many other ailments. AM I PREGNANT? Cause obviously you lot will be able to tell just by reading this."

Do a fucking test! Thats the ONLY WAY YOU WILL EVER KNOW!

I've seen so, so many of these threads.

AIBU to be upset that my mum won't babysit my 5 dc overnight every weekend?
" your mother is a narc, for you "

How about the threads where you write something fairly moderate, and then a whole gaggle of mutually supporting harpies posters flock in with such an extreme opposing position that you think you're on another planet.

Tends tohappen more in the evenings

My DH works 90 hours a week so I can be at home and mn and then he refuses to load the dishwasher at night.

Leave him - being at home and on mn is a full time job too.

Baby Names where the Irish are out Irishing each other, the Welsh out Welshing each other, the Scots out Scotting each other but one thing they all agree on is that that English are fucking up their names.

Loving this thread. My favourite is when people contradict factual evidence based theory conducted by professionals because of their anecdotal evidence.

I always enjoy the
"I'm weaning by baby at 4 days because he wants feeding every 2 hours, any advice on what to start with?" followed by the inevitable
"err shouldn't you wait til he's a bit older?" followed by the also inevitable
"My Mum weaned me and my 18 siblings at 2 days and it never did us any harm"

And flounce.

Love it.

OP: I have a metallic taste in my mouth, boobs sore, trousers don't fit, can't remember when I last had a period - could I be pregnant? panic panic
Response: Have you POAS?
OP: No
Responses x1000: Well go POAS you muppet
OP: There's a really faint line, could I be pregnant?
Responses x1000: A line is a line, congratulations

"you don;t need a double buggy, make the older child walk"

Said to anyone who asks what they should get as their DC will be 13 months when their next one is born.