To chuffing LOVE that on certain threads people always say stuff like

[Dogsby]

" what starter shall i have" - anti pasto

and any sodding thread on madeleine maccann some sour mouthed tosser puts " ooh no one calls her maddie in hter family" like it really MATTERS fgs.

what predicatable posts make you nuts?

"My dc has a temperature of 43 degrees and blood gushing out of both ears and his head just dropped off. I called 999 and they told me to sod off. I'm a bit upset. AIBU?"

"Whaaat? You called an ambulance when you are perfectly capable of scraping up your son's limbs with a spade and carrying the parts down to A&E yourself? Don't you know the ambulance service is for emergencies only? Are you happy that you probably deprived some poor suffering pensioner of life? Are you the most selfish poster ever? No wonder the NHS is in such a mess" ad nauseam

Have you seen this thread Tatty?

OP: "OK, here's a cheeky question! Do you ladies like to wax, um, down below?"

MN1: "I'll take your brazilian and raise you a vajazzler"

MN2: "Ugh no, I like to stay the way nature intended"

MN3 (usually me): "You are a tool of the patriarchy and you should be ashamed of yourself for colluding with porno beauty ideals"

OP: "I'm not saying anybody else has to do it! It just makes me, um, clean and fresh."

MN1: "I just want my bits to look sparkly for my hubby. Are you just jealous cos you're not getting any, you hairy beatches?"

MN2: "I am perfectly fragrant, thank you very much, just a slight background scent of lentils which my dh is very fond of"

MN3 (usually me): "You are spreading the pernicious myth that there is something unclean about women's body hair"

OP: "So why do they shave you for a CS then?"

MN2: "Shaving increases the risk of infection"

MN1: "But hairless means you're clean and fresh!"

MN3: "If you don't stop I'm going to set dittany on you"

etc etc

MN2: "I am perfectly fragrant, thank you very much, just a slight background scent of lentils which my dh is very fond of"

Pissing myself laughing at that one!

Had this actually said to me on a thread about inner city violence.

Me 'my son's friend was murdered last week'

Poster 'you should move then'

Me 'its really not possible#

Poster 'It cant be impossible. If my child was in that sort of danger I would do everything I could to save him.

Bless her.

On asking advice for newborn:- "He's only LITTLE!" Like this had never occurred to you....

What Brices said

Great, great thread, I give you;

OP - Do you say loo or toilet?

MN1 - Loo obviously, only a prole would say toilet, I bet they have settees too, in the lounge.

MN2 - Obviously I have a loo, from which I gaze into my looking glass.

MN3 - Only striving arrivistes care about such things, all my aristo friends couldn't give a hoot about such nonsense.

MN4 - I have a crap in the shitter.

should I send my child to fulchester grammar or lether bridge private school ??? on the education threads , having a child with sn and very little education choice , this kind of question grates me a little

Ditto threads that say 'if you really wanted to and cut back on luxuries, you could send your child to private school'

Evas.

'aibu unreasonable to give birth in a field with only a pig to act as a doula and chickens to cut the cord afterwards?'

'ofc you aren't, it's how nature intended, birth is overly medicalised these days, I obviously did without the pig doula though'

'are you mad!? People like you should be reported to the highest courts in th land and the RSPCA etc etc'

Over and over for 1200 posts squarely divided down the middle.

walk a mile in her shoes to any post.as if that a reasonable response. hmmm
a harpie who batters kid in park? i dont care if they are laboutins still dont want to walk mile in those shoes

LoL at Tatty

Why doesn't MN have a like button?

OMG that's one too, isn't it?

Oh yes, if you sacrifice spending four weeks on Necker Island for three and limit skiing to thrice-yearly and don't buy dresses costing £30,000 for PTA meetings you too could afford a private education for your children!

You can't? Well feck off the internet then you selfish irresponsible oik even if it does only cost you £5 per month and you need it in order to save money / look for work / helps get the DC out of the poverty trap.

Did someone mention name changing for duck sex threads or did I imagine that? Can't find it now

Any thread where the OP is, or is perceived to be, being judgy based on class (seeing someone in Asda doing something, describing someone as a chav, mentioning they don't have a job, etc) everyone piles in calling OP a snob. OP then begins wheeling out working class credentials, "I grew up in a council house," "I was the first person in my family to go to University," etc. My personal favourite was where the OP in question began arguing that she wasn't a snob on the grounds that she used to smoke, and had a tattoo. It all gets a bit Common People; I like those threads!

the downsizing mummy martyrs.espousing cut yourway to housewifery
knit your own tampons, mung bean surprise,no haircuts,no consumer goods ever,carboot sales only....and suddenly she can afford not to work.what they dont mention is her partner works 87+hrs per week and is hallucinating through lack of rem sleep.

Reminds me of Ryk and her I've never had a haircut/bath/shag don't do heating/mascara/epilation have playstation 3 but no oven or oxygen thing

Am still laughing at Hesters post at 19.11 ha ha ha ha ha

Threads about poverty in the uk

'No-one is poor in the UK. I have been to India/Africa/Outer Mongolia and seen real poverty.' (what you mean when you were on your mummy and daddy funded gap year ponce about )

Again - Evas

The other one, which I secretly love, is the Terrible Experience With Creepy-Crawlies threads, like

P1: 'Last night I woke up to find a tarantula in my water glass!'

P2: 'OMG, that's nothing, I used to live in Saudi and scorpions wore my underwear round the house when I was out!!'

P3: 'I was once eaten by a giant centipede and I felt its mandibles going crunch-crunch'

Yes, people being single minded about private school. Especially those justifying private school for 8 year olds because mummy needs to be stationed with daddy in the army.

First time pregnant mothers 'oh god have just eaten a bit of pizza with goats cheese on it - what is going to happen?' and the whole of mumsnet rolls their eyes (apart from the other first time preg mums who ar

there is relative poverty in uk.not absolute poverty
and ive never been on gap year

I never go on creepy crawly threads, ever since I opened a link (innocently) of something called a huntsman iirc. Turns out to be an australian spider the size of a cat.

I take the piss out of gap yahs, but I would LOVE to go on a 7 grand jolly to peru to build huts.