To chuffing LOVE that on certain threads people always say stuff like

[Dogsby]

" what starter shall i have" - anti pasto

and any sodding thread on madeleine maccann some sour mouthed tosser puts " ooh no one calls her maddie in hter family" like it really MATTERS fgs.

what predicatable posts make you nuts?

Ha! Should be in the Mumsnet rules. Never admit to your child being obese, always say chunky, chubby, baby fat, solid, well built, hefty, big boned (ever looked at a skeleton and thought that the bones were big?)

'I think the Duracell chickens (great phrase!) are like dwarf bread in Terry Pratchett'ls Discworld series. That's why they last so long!'

I had to Google dwarf bread. And I think you may be right.

RockStock I have been seen off by retired from Tequila, its the worm you see, doesn't agree with me, must be allergic

I've seen a couple of threads like that - even with a picture posted of said child who is um, not slim, and the mother's going "see - they're just big boned!" and you're going "dude. Get a grip. Your child's overweight"

Yes but abs you can't say because you would be hounded off the thread forever.

Of course not that's why I'm saying it here where it's safe and bitchy. I generally just lurk on those threads and bite my tongue.

First rule of MN, you can never, EVER say anyone's overweight when they ask, ever. You will be flamed into an early charred grave.

Agree re fat kids.
And " in this heat" sleep threads when it's only 26deg

Oh it bfb beauty flash balm

Ahh but PortBlacks, those threads serve a useful function; when I need to name change to discuss duck sex or something I always check if the name change has worked by posting "Roast ferret" on a What Did You Have For Dinner thread.

Ooh just rememberers another one

" my mate is really annoying me, she cuts the head off my kids and it pisses me off"

Rply always "ooh you stents much of a mate"

Arent. Not stent. iPad crap

OOOH beauty flash balm.

Which you can equal by using Johnsons baby lotion and a bit of witch hazel, or the £2 superdrug equivalent.

£20. Pah.

And fucking Fly London boots. Give over.

Oh yes, the complaining about the "heat" threads, piss me right off. You get THREE days a year in this country when it gets above 12 degrees, and everyone's all "I hate it. It's too hot, can't wait for winter" blah blah blah. Just SHUT UP and let us poor souls who love heat enjoy our five minutes of warmth.

Problem is, this annoyed-ness spilled over into real life when my cousin (east coast in states) complained and I was all "come on, seriously - stop complaining" and she came back with "it's been over 40 degrees with 100% humidity for 4 months".

I felt really stupid.

What is beauty flash balm?

OP: Here is a stupid story which slags mothers and women in general off (apols for Daily Mail link)

Rest of MN: Why link to the DM? It hates women.

OP: I thought it was an interesting argument

Rest of MN: It isn't

People who wilfully misunderstand posts to make their point:

Poster 1 "I think it's harder for men to be sahds as culturally the support isn't there."

Poster 2 "That is BULLSHIT. How dare you say men aren't up to the job? My DP is a sahd and he is brilliant"

P1 "I'm not saying they're not capable, I'm saying that they're not supported and that makes life harder"

P2 "So you obviously believe that only women should stay home and look after the children you reactionary fascist biatch?"

P1 No, I... Oh never mind. < shoots self in head >

On the subject of SAHDs - loved this photo shoot (scroll down a bit)

Absolutely love it.

"My mil is lovely,and you are being horribel to your childs gma and dh's Mummy" ok so you have a good one,try mine for size and then say you love her.
"you're a benefit basher" at the mere mention that you have a job.
"op you missed out a comma,paragraph fucking full stop" when op is devastated and asking for help.

I am also fond of the poltics one that are entitled somehting like:

David Cameron is the antichrist.

OP : Is it just me or has anyone else noticed that DC has a 666 tattoo?

Poster 1 : I know! I think he eats babies for breakfast.

Poster 2 : I wish he and all his family were dead.

Poster 3 : How can you say that? He is the messiah. Without him we are all doomed to Dante's third circle of Hell.

Long gap.....

OP : {sigh} I do wish we could have more political debate on MN.

indeed'AIBU to think that only someone sitting on a pile of gold, breathing flames of greed and laughing at the starving masses whilst whipping them thrice daily could vote Tory'?
etc etc etc..

'yes indeed, they are going to start machine gunning people who wear crocs next'

link to article in ress 'David CaMERON MACHINE Gun gaffe' where actually he says nothing of the sort

Oooh oooooh oh I've got one.

Any chav scum member of the sisterhood who dares to self-proclaim being a "yummy mummy"

Basically Justine has a red button on her keyboard, she presses it after an email alert alerts her to the fact that someone has used the "YM" term, the UN is involved, it all gets a bit complicated. Generally its allowed to slip but only for a first offence. Any repeat offences just get...

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