To chuffing LOVE that on certain threads people always say stuff like

[Dogsby]

" what starter shall i have" - anti pasto

and any sodding thread on madeleine maccann some sour mouthed tosser puts " ooh no one calls her maddie in hter family" like it really MATTERS fgs.

what predicatable posts make you nuts?

What I just don't get is those posters who expect you to have the Mumsnet equivalent of amnesia.

So they will claim to be 100% happy with being a SAHP and berate anyone for leaving their children in nursery. Yet I've read a psot from them on another thread saying how depressed they are stuck at home.

Or the posters who say they coulkdn't bear to weight more than eight stone, it makes them feel so happy and healthy. Yet I've seen posts on other threads where they all but admit to body dysmorphia.

Why do posters do this? And why aren't we allowed to call them on it?

Thread 1

OP: AIBU to think this woman shouldn't have

Replies: YABU

Thread 2

OP: AIBU to

Replies: YABU

Also, threads in AIBU where someone is really not BU but some posters will find any angle they can to squeeze a YABU in there.

'Here here' always makes me smile

The threads which turn into 'wearing pink will make your girl into a WAG brainless slut with no education'

with other worthy posters all clamouring over themselves to insist their girls all do boy things and wear ugly clothes. Of course, because girls are worth bog all unless their playing traditional boy games and looking like boys...

Regarding the competitive not-putting-the heating-on threads:

"My seven year old said he's just going outside and may be some time

Brilliant!

Health threads that go one of two ways;

(1) OP I am convinced that I have somethingthatigoogled syndrome. Fifteen different doctors have done every possible test for it, and they've all come back negative. They're obviously all wrong so what should I do?

Replies range from; Awww poor you hun my hairdressers second cousin had that and it took them ages to get it diagnosed, the NHS is shit so you should go private, push for a seventieth opinion, I am a GP and you sound like a twat

(2) Op I have severed my carotid artery whilst cooking Sunday lunch, should I go to A&E now, wait until after dinner, or maybe see my GP tomorrow?

Replies range from; have you tried NHS direct?, ZOMG where are you? I have reported your post to MNHQ so that we can get your personal information and get an ambulance out to you immediately, troll, you should wait until after your lunch - did you know you can then get twelve meals out of that one roast chicken?

Thread then parodies Monty Python and the Holy Grail with the Op saying "it's just a scratch" and MN being all "but your arm's off"

WordFactory calling a poster on her amnesia went some way to my temporary ban. I was "sensitive" though and pm'd her to call her a fucking liar rather than remind the whole of MN what she actually had posted a few weeks before.

Apparently Nobody can remember a thing about anybody on here just me then? I Obviously have an award winning memory.

Agree Junebugjr. It's effectively saying - if it's feminine, it's inferior. Isn't that what the "patriarchy" wants us to believe? For e.g. a quote from my SIL "I would never wear a dress to work. I don't want to be mistaken for the secretary" - so many things wrong with that statement, I don't know where to begin ...

I am 6 weeks pregnant but yesterday I had some pineapple / stood on a ladder / lifted a bag of shopping... have I ruined everything?

Ah, Alouise- everyone does the lofty thing and says dismissively "Oh, you remember me? How funny, I don't remember you. I've never noticed you AT ALL" When in actual fact, they know every post the other poster has made for the last six months off by heart.

Attachment Parenting is for hippy, lentilweaving weirdos VS If you have rules/structure/discipline your DC's you are abusive.
FFS anyone heard of treading the middle ground.

Al0uiseG I remember stuff too. Like the fact that we've pencilled in a tequila session one day

Those ones where if you dare to like clothes and makeup and think its a bit, well, ming, to wear PJs on the school run you get

'well I have more important things to do than look at myself in the mirror. I have children and I am not going to miss out on our daily family yoga and session just to get dressed. Get your priorities right!'

Or my favourite

'Have you any idea what its like to get TWO children ready and out of the house by 8.30am? ' um, yes.

admittedly, it doesn't happen often, but when the sun comes out in the UK, and you all starts complaining how HOT it is "the temperature went over 22 degrees today, how will my baby cope ",

then all the expats in the ME, Aus/any hot countries etc. go "Pfft, you think that's hot...its 48 degrees in the shade here, my car's just melted and one of the DCs spontaneously burst into flames this morning"

TanteRose Same here last night.

MrsDV I have a friend JUST like that, 'cept she was always on about how hard it was to get her and her ONE child up and out the door by 8.30am. Child was 10 at the height of her moaning.

"denial isn't just a river in Egypt you know"

Oh yes Tanterose. There was one recently where the precious DC had been made to play OUTSIDE in 25 degree heat and the poor dear got flustered. I restrained myself from typing "ha! You faffy loser. I had to run around the school for an hour, for YEARS in the midday sun in South Africa. STOP WHINGING"

There is another variation

'Do you have any idea how hard it is to juggle a newborn and and toddler across a dangerous carpark? Do you? DO YOU?'

on threads about parents parking in Disabled Parking Spaces.

I always appreciate the use of 'juggle' and 'dangerous'

YY MrsDV, one wonders how the hell we have managed with more than two children. Miracle really. All that juggling in dangerous car parks - amazing that they are brave enough to leave their beds

Pffft. If you can't juggle your own children, why did you bother having them?

"A small child chased me around the swimming pool with an axe, was I being unreasonable to splash it with water?"
"Yes, the water is probably carrying ebola/the plague you child-hating monster."

People who peel their own spuds and have Nigella Type Standards for their christmas dinner = obsessed and trivial minded control freaks and idiots

People who shove a Bernard Matthews cut and Aunt Bessies spuds - heathens and antichrist women who are breaking Christmas.

And no, of course there is no middle ground. This is ufcking mumsnet.

Great thread

'AIBU to be livid at the school sending me a letter saying my child is obese? She's just turned 5 and is 10 stone but is just well built'

What are you wearing, doing, cooking, looking at if you turn your head to the left....

....cue 200 answers that no one ever reads