To chuffing LOVE that on certain threads people always say stuff like

[Dogsby]

" what starter shall i have" - anti pasto

and any sodding thread on madeleine maccann some sour mouthed tosser puts " ooh no one calls her maddie in hter family" like it really MATTERS fgs.

what predicatable posts make you nuts?

Trillian ooh yes I forgot the Self Designated Defender. Sometimes I think they are OP Sock Puppets.

Just saw the OP says 'I have lost the knack to cause a row'

Nah, I am sure you haven't

None of u have lives. Ur all jelus. ROFL.

In response to a smacking thread. "My parents smacked me, it never did me any harm"

Except if you run a name search you can see that she can't hold down a normal relationship, is drawn to abusive wankers, is in therapy and chowing down on anti depressants like they're smarties.

Other than that, totally fine.

Oh I love hate the 'smacking never did me any harm' twats.

Course not, mate. That is why you think it is normal to hit and/or shove roughly a toddler. Not damaged at all.

Oh and the answer to any problem with a newborn on here seems to be "get a sling."

Baby cries if you put her down and you can't get anything done? Get a sling.

Newborn feeds all day and you are exhausted? Get a sling then the baby can suck every molecule of moisture out of your poor shrivelled body while you do all the housework at the same time.

DH has left you and you now have 6 DCs under 5 to look after on your own? Get a sling, that's the baby taken care of.

Not sure whether Glastonbury is the right place for a 2-week old baby? If you take a sling, it will be fine.

Bus doesn't have space for pushchairs? Well you should have bought a SLING, you imbecile.

(I expect slings have improved in 11 years but I had one with DS1 and knackered my shoulders and back with it within a week.)

Co sleeping is the answer to all your problems

"Some cunt actually said something along these lines on a thread of mine last week."

GOML - How daaaaaaaaare they.

I dread, when clicking on a thread in S+B "help me find an outfit for a wedding!" "I want to look like Kate Middleton, but I'm 4 foot 6, size 350 and have 50p to spend"

trill - they always do that to the manshape one

me "I hate manshape"
oh "but she is so nice "
i dont care if shes mother theresa

i love the "i am size 26 with £2.60" ones and cant get to a shop.
i will not show arms, legs or tits

Please can you recommend me a concealer?

The world and his wife - YSL Touche Eclat.

You are all WRONG. It is the emperor's new fucking clothes. take a photo of yourself with a flash and come back and tell us all how you like the reverse panda effect.

OMG THE BEST ONE
ME jordan is terrible.
everyone " you is just jell aintcha"

er no im not

and larua mercier tinted thingy
also shit

and dont get me on bfb

ON a S&B thread someone will always come along and trill 'ACKCHERLY Fat Face and the White Stuff do some really stylish clothes'

No, that has never, ever happened.

Or Boden fans 'yes I like Boden, but I don't buy the appliqued and/or FUN PRINT skirts'.

Yes you do, you liar. The fun print skirts are sooooooo mumsnet.

And EVERYBODY who takes the piss gleefully on the biannual Per Una Speziale threads owns at least one bit of Per Una kit which they would never admit to on S&B for fear of being thrown to Valhalla's dogs

What does bfb mean?

Bobbi Fucking Brown?
BeneFit Bollocks?

Letthereberock

That chicken post is just genuis! Its really cheered me up

GetOrf

PerUna is IN next season.

And inevitably, as soon as you mention "mum jeans and fleeces" as the sartorial equivalent of giving up on life, someone always comes along and goes "but what's wrong with them? I always wear fleeces - you's all vain biatches"

Ha, that read GerOrfPerUna in Threads I'm On (amused)

Thread about parties/cakes/gifts not 'traditional' in the UK:

Oh I hate when those crass commercial Amercian traditions come spoil our Britishness. Americans are sooooo tacky non?

Ha I saw getorfperuna on threads I am on as well and I thought 'eh?'

There is another mumsnetter called getofmycloud and every time I see her I think that it is me, I read what she has said and say 'eh?' even more.

confused.

It sounds a bit rude.. Oi, stop touching my una.. or something

(I've been sat on my own in an office all day, I fear I may be going a bit crazy)

The ott baby gender threads

OP:"I was thinking of naming my baby girl Amy"

MN: "Right,so you want to define her by a gender specific name do you? Don't you know Amy used to be a boys name in 1012 anyway? You should just call your baby 'thing' like we did"

OP: "I bought my newborn boy some blue bibs"

MN: "OHHH so you want to pigeonhole you boy into being a boy do you? Why does gender even need to be an issue? Why can't you let him be an it!Are you trying to give him issues?"

OP: I was thinking of finding out my babies sex

MN: "No doubt so you can paint the nursery blue or pink! TUT TUT "

(Yep!)

I always love the 'my baby, my rules' crud.

And when someone emphatically says 'here here' the thickos.