To chuffing LOVE that on certain threads people always say stuff like

[Dogsby]

" what starter shall i have" - anti pasto

and any sodding thread on madeleine maccann some sour mouthed tosser puts " ooh no one calls her maddie in hter family" like it really MATTERS fgs.

what predicatable posts make you nuts?

Threads about going back to work where you get a response that you shouldn't do it accompanied by "I don't want to miss a moment of my child growing up" thus suggesting that you are going back to work due to a desire to ignore your child rather than put food on the table and completely ignoring the fact that 6 years down the line no working mum or SAHM can actually remember much about most days of child raising and only remember the seminal vomit/poo related stuff so it's all moot by then anyway.

Boasting by stealth - how good is it to be at Level 454 in reading by the end of reception etc etc. Especially when you have the kid who can barely read his name....

Can I add that I did indeed miss my child's first steps because...I was in the other room making dinner and DH saw it and I didn't.

Anything to do with sodding family time.

If 'family time' is so precious to you why are you mumsnetting?

Yes Whatmeworry and Rockstock you're right - sometimes people do dare to suggest that [to paraphrase a lovely quote I once read on here] that someone who has chosen a difficult, responsible, underpaid profession which means them dedicating their lives to educating children and helping them thrive and develop, may NOT actually be trying to mess up the education and life of one child in their care out of spite.

This is officially my favourite thread EVER, I thought it was just me.

How about - I really want to call soon to be born DS ^ Cricketingloon tosser ^ or some such, but DH is not too keen and thinks he will be bullied, what do you think Mumsnet jury?

Reply - No, DS1 is called Cricketingloon tosser and DS2 Rugbytwunt boots and I think they are lovely names as do all my family and no-one bullies them

ordinaryJo - god yes

The worst thing about the boy/girl thread is that I couldn't post at the time as I would have been shouting at women who had had a bad time... tacky, to say the least.

Thank GOD for this thread.

AIBU to be against torturing kittens? (or any other thing that is illegal and of course everyone is against it)

OP: 'I holler and shout at my kids all day. I'm a crap mummy.'

Cue a dozen replies saying 'if you're worried about being a crap mum you are by definition not a crap mum.'

Hmm...

Anything in the 'Am I Being Unreasonable' category - have you noticed that there are more threads started there than in all other categories combined?

Apart from this thread, of course.

Been away a while, mainly because it's all got so Jeremy Kyle/competitive parenting/judgy judgy on mn recently - missed these kinds of threads.

Of course you can afford another baby - they don't cost much at all.

"ooh you are such a good mum"

based on one OP of poster whining and moaning that she cant cope

LetThereBeRock ARF at inhaling the chicken carcass

Op - 'My DP...is a man'

answer - 'leave him,he's a twat'

Why do men/women/people always...?

E, they don't always. If they did always then it wouldn't be worth commenting on.

op - 'my DW..is a woman..'

reply - 'Do you think she may be suffering from depression'?

Any thread on style and beauty

'oh I never care about what I look like, I am a mother now, my mind is taken up with more important things than vanity'

Some cunt actually said something along these lines on a thread of mine last week.

Then there are the "End of Thread Guardians" , I've seen 2 types:

(i) Hardline Harpies...after several pages a bunch of real extreme hardliners emerge (pick your contentious issue) and peck away at anyone who dares disagree with them. Over the next few days and weeks a few passersby read the thread, put in the standard fairly reasonable " I disagree" comment. Wait a few minutes and in they fly. Peck, peck, peck. End of Thread

(ii) The OP Attack Dog....after several pages the OP starts to put her foot down (You lot who say I am BU don't understand X/Y/Z and make me upset and I want you to apologise etc etc). Over the next few days and weeks a few passersby read the thread, put in the standard fairly reasonable " I disagree" comment. Wait a few minutes and in out comes the OP Attack Dog "You don't understand X/Y/Z and make me upset and I want you to apologise etc etc". End of Thread

Children must come first in everything... if I have cut my hand and am bleeding and need stitches but DD wants me to look at her painting her needs come first

"To be honest, with my first i only needed a drawer lined with shredded newspaper, a carrier bag with a hole in as a nappy and a shawl woven from lentils and placenta to look after my baby. You won't use anything else"

OP: AIBU to ....

Others: Yes YABU (said in a reasonable way)

OP:

OP's self-designated defender: How dare you say the OP is BU she is lovely and would never BU and you are all bitches to suggest it

Upset OP told she is unreasonable by 99% of posters: and I thought MN was supposed to be supportive! Well I have learned my lesson now and wont be back

OP "AIBU to have battered my child so hard she is now in a coma"
Poster "Aw don't worry hun we all lose it sometimes. Ur a fab mum. Just go and visit her on intensive care and tell her that you are sorry, that all mummies lose it sometimes and I'm sure everything will be fine"

Love love love this thread. There are all the reasons I have a love/hate relationship with MN, but keep coming back for more!