To chuffing LOVE that on certain threads people always say stuff like

[Dogsby]

" what starter shall i have" - anti pasto

and any sodding thread on madeleine maccann some sour mouthed tosser puts " ooh no one calls her maddie in hter family" like it really MATTERS fgs.

what predicatable posts make you nuts?

' I'm not using a mooncup. I cant touch my vag, yuck, and besides, I don't want uterus in my sink, double yuck'

'All you sanpro users are ruining the planet with your soggy sanpro waste in the ocean. Don't you care about the surfers and the little fishies?? Besides, my mooncup cured my fibroids and my haemerroids and my malaria so there'

What happened to baby pasta? When i was first on mumsnet, people were always posting abiut it? Has it been repllaced by the ?

This thread's been done loads of times before

Why did you revive such an old thread?

Tatty this made me larf, and larf and larf

On any leave-kids-in-the-car-while-you-pay-for-petrol thread

"Oh, I just couldn't, what if a pedo was lurking behind pretending to fill up his VW Golf, I much prefer to wake my sleeping twins, and march them and my 4 year old, 6 year old, 7 year old and 9 year old across the petrol forecourt, doging motorbikes, articulated lorries and cars oh and all the pedos, its much safer"

"What if the car caught on fire due to an electrical fault". Then someone will say "its impossible for a car to simply catch alight when the keys are not in the ignition" and then the sullied person will confirm that yes, indeed, they do know of at least 5 people this has happened to in just the last 2 days therefore it is entirely possible.

Tatty
Just read the toilet brush post...more laughter...

Competitive bed-linen changing - "I change ours once a week".
"Oh nooooo, I'm a bit OCD about this. Every other day for me. Don't you know how many nasties live in bedsheets?"
"Well I only change ours once a month, and we don't have scabies".

It works the other way too - someone who I shall not name (because she should be ashamed ) admitted she hadn't changed hers for six months, and they didn't smell at all apparently. liar

Brilliant, Fellatio and Trillion.

Oh yo are a bit of a twat maypole1.

FWIW tho I 2 dcs with sn and live in an area with great transport links, however I don't work, nor do I intend to because i'm knackered and can't be fucking arsed

"My mother looks after my son for me at work which is wonderful of her, but I've discovered that she's taking my son to watch human sacrifices every Monday and Thursday. AIBU to feel this is not on?"

Poster: you ungrateful caaaah. It's free childcare! If you aren't willing to pay, you can't set rules!

Any thread where the OP posts a problem about their child, and doesn't bother to include its bloody age

"My ex allows our DS to ride his bike over the park alone...AIBU to not allow him contact?"

Errrrr YANBU if he's 2yrs old but probably a tad YABU if he's like 17 or something.

I always love the ones that go "my friend wants me to drive her to the hospital twice a week to visit her terminally ill cousin who has 5 weeks tops but it really clashes with my Zumba slot which I've pre-paid, WWYD?"

And some cold hearted cunt always comes out with "No is a complete sentence in its own right"...

Op - anything about madeline mcann
Some cunt - it's their own fault for leaving her in the first place

As if they don't know that

Or "I saw an old lady fall over and everyone just stepped over her and ignored her. I held her hand, mopped her brow, called an ambulance, performed life saving surgery outside Marks and Sparks and accompanied her to A&E. Some person I've made up, just so I can stealth boast and get a whole thread full of pats on the back, said IABU....so was I?"

Can we have a MN campaign for.....

...thing that is very niche and only I care about

...thing that there is already an established action group for and you should just support them rather than setting up a separate campaign

...thing that really really comes under #firstworldproblems and will establish MNers as Guardian-reading Boden-wearing well-off entitled parents of the sort who always go into school to complain that little Tommy is understood

Everyone can earn a squillion pounds a month if they work hard enough'. And if they don't it's because they're a bit dim.

I can get X meals out of a chicken

1 - if you are having that little chicken each then they are not very nice meals
2 - making stock is not a meal - if I use a stock cube then the main ingredient of my meal is not oxo

The "how often do you wash" threads
"I simply have to have 2 half hour long showers a day, I just don't feel fresh otherwise"

"how can you use the same flannel for your face and bum!? I have separate colour coded flannels for separate body parts, think of the germs!"

"baths are disgusting, you're sitting in your own filth"

"when my mum was a girl, they only bathed once a year in a tin bath with no soap and nobody smelled"

"human body smells are natural so we shouldn't wash at all, your hair starts cleaning itself after 6 weeks"

Oh this thread has made me chuckle - I feel as if I've entered a sanity zone . This is why I tend to lurk more than post!

My faves:

"Should I have another child? My dh says it would finish him off, we have a one bed flat, I had really bad pnd after all previous births, nearly died, was on a drip during pregnancy, dh is facing unemployment. But I just can't help it... my heart says our family's incomplete."

Then 100 x replies along the lines of:

"Oh go on hun... you know you want to... you'll never regret having another."

Also:

"AIBU to think that as a SAHM with a dh who works 70 hours a week with a two hour commute should make dinner, unstack the dishwasher and clean the house when he gets in? I can't do it during the day, I'm too busy looking after the children."

Also:

"My MIL has had the audacity to announce that she will have to miss my pfb's first birthday because she has had a heart bypass operation booked in for that date. She says she can't change it because otherwise she will be on the waiting list for another nine months. I can't believe she's putting this before seeing her grandson blow out his first candles. My mother would never do this, she cancelled her cruise last year so I could catch up on some sleep!

Trillian - yes I've been that newbie!! What is one supposed to do in that sort of situation?

MN always says "yes have another child". Always.

"AIBU to be upset that my dm only gave me a used can of deodorant for my birthday?"

Several replies of:

"YABU. My mother only bought me a wooden clothes peg for my birthday. You should be grateful for any gift. Grow up - how old are you? Seven?"

OP: My DH//DP won't have sex with me

Response: leave him, the cruel bastard, you deserve a healthy sex life

OP: My DW won't have sex with me

Response: your a useless lover / have you let youself go? / you dont do enough around the house / how dare you impose you impose on her. You can live without sex/wank instead.

Also:

"AIBU to be upset that my beloved father is leaving all his money to his new 25 year old Russian bride?"

Several replies of:

"YABU. Inheritance is a priviledge, not a right. Your df can leave the money to whomever he chooses."