To chuffing LOVE that on certain threads people always say stuff like

[Dogsby]

" what starter shall i have" - anti pasto

and any sodding thread on madeleine maccann some sour mouthed tosser puts " ooh no one calls her maddie in hter family" like it really MATTERS fgs.

what predicatable posts make you nuts?

Any thread where the OP has some issue related to being skint then 1000 posters pile in asking detailed questions about her outgoings, trying to catch her out ("You said you spent X on bills, X on food, X on this, so you SHOULD hve X left over") plus the inevitable, "Well, you are obviously online, maybe you could save money by getting rid of the internet" - anyone who attempts to support OP gets, "They're complaining about being skint, we're all just trying to help, if OP doesn't want advice, maybe they shouldn't have posted!!"

it stopped being funny a LONG TIME AGO

I like the fish ones

No one gets that the fish was dreamt up in Mumsnet Towers in 1921 and is a christian omnipresent deity.

All good, all cool, good egg type that we'd love to have as Mumsnet Head Girl

The 'manshape' threads.

Why oh why would anyone call their OH 'manshape'? There then follows loads more than there should be-- of posts saying how they hate the term too, and it makes them feel sick, it's vile, it's derogatory to men, blah blah blah.

Other posters then come in and say it's only deemented who uses this word with good reason.

Lots of questions about why deemented uses this term for her OH.

Lots of explanations ensue.

Posters who previously said it was vile say they have been on MN for 62 billion years and have never known the story behind deemented's use of manshape.

Deemented pops in and explains too.

Posters say 'Ahh ok, well now we know'

Thread is repeated with alarming regularity.

On that note, it has been at least 3 weeks since the last 'manshape' thread. Must be due another one soon.

I can't stand the threads where the OP asks 'Guess what I just had for dinner?' 'Guess who I am?' 'Guess what I bought today?'

OP disappears and thread goes on for agggeeeesss.

I don't fucking care!!! ha ha ha

Am loving this thread btw, makes me laugh. Would love to know where the competitive poverty threads are though.

Marketing/PR disguised as AIBU etc, complete with sock puppets

Any thread where DM/MIL isn't supporting OP's parenting choices:

"The older generation don't know any better as they didn't BF/FF/smackdiscipline/go to school/university back in the dark ages."

or

"oooh its probably dementia"

Them: "I hate Christianity, it's bollocks and another way of controlling the mind, especially women and anyone who follows it is a hypocrite".

Me: "Really? So your kids don't take up a place in the local faith school?"

Them: "Me? Oh I had to send my children to the Catholic School-I just tell them not to listen to what they're being told"

Me: "So you don't celebrate Christmas or Easter?"

Them: "Well that's not religious is it? It's more 'for the kids' ".

Me:

Haircut threads. "Don't go to Toni and Guy, they are spawn of the devil, responsible for all wordly ills etc etc"
Shall I give my baby the same name as another baby. "Yes, do it I wouldn't care." When you know they would be absolutely ripping if it happened to them.

Them: "There's poverty in the UK, you wouldn't believe the children starving".

Me: "Like Africa is it then, you know, in Coventry?".

Them: "Well the government don't give us what we're ENTITLED to, so after buying my fags, trashy magazines and booze, I don't have enough to put money on t'meter".

Me: "Oh, so not really similar to starving children in the third world then?"

Them: "I think you'll find poverty is TEN TIMES worse in UK than anywhere else in the world. You're stuck up and choose not to see it".

Me:

Posts that do this

< something really not funny but i think it is >

fucking

i fucking hate that fucking smiley

lol

Posts that are vaguely amusing and people think it's the green light to "lol".

Please "lol" in your home, don't feel the need to tell us.

love,the conspiracy theorists and troll patrol
are you newbie
i searched thee post and thy said you had a budgie in 2009 now no budgie

ScottishMummy, I love those threads.

"You said you didn't drink on the 14th April 2008, however you appear to be on the Friday night drunken thread, explain yourself at once".

'I was in Debenhams cafe today and I took the whole of my top off, and my bra off, to BF my nine year old, and I had loads of milk in my J cup tits and it squirted all over the floor and the table, and in the eye of the man at table opposite, and my nine year old took a slup then gargled to the tune of 'ten green bottles' with the breast milk, and the man opposite had the cheek to STARE at me, and my child, and LOOK at my tits. And he pulled a real cat's bum face, the rude fucker. What is the matter with people that they can't cope with seeing a perfectly natural act like BF in public, without getting all offended? If he thinks I'm going to pull a shawl discreetly over my gushing mammaries he's got another think coming. The bastard. Why should I? AIBU?'

ama loling at people pissed off with fishy references
Perrycombover, can I have permission to use "eat less and haul ass" on my food focus thread? Inspirational

cue someone suggest a feed -in or some such action to show capitalist pigs and nestle that no one denies a bf troupe of acrobats their right to wear footless tights and feed at will. they start to email and mn about a tits out slurpathon in debenhams

See Fellatio that is exactly why I don't go to Debenhams anymore.

When will people learn?

LOTM

was that a dig

do you not get irony

or did we x-post lol!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Are you latching on the 21yo or is he latching on you??

Christ.

No it was to the Op who insists on writing it.

People that start threads harking back to a golden age on mn when everyone was ever so nice giving each other foot rubs and plaiting each other's hair; not like now...

mn of yore.where we done thta already and i'll get the popcorn were considered funny and searing. and this had the gimps pissing their pants.not a dry seat on mn cath kidston bus

then all the damn newbies arrived,texting,lol'ing, and fb all over the shop

Poster wails about her stressful relationship, seems genuinely upset, asks if it's really ever possible to keep "the spark". Everyone ignores the distress and wades in with "Well I met my dh twenty years ago and I fall more and more in love every single day" blah blah blah. OP slashes wrists.