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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

for being so pissed off??

176 replies

clueless1 · 26/07/2011 20:57

had a 'mates' kids today, 3 of them age 4,6 and 9. she had to work and her childminder called to say she was ill.and cant have them the rest of this week. i said i could have them for the rest of the week but only until 3.15 at the latest today. as my 5 yr old had an appointment with the hospital at 4.10 and i need to get me and the 3 kid to the hospital. all fine she says, she will be here before 3.15.
3.15 comes and goes, as does 3.20. at 3.25 i get a text off of her, she cant leave work as she has had to fit in another meeting.
WTF???????????????
i call and according to her receptionist she is unavailable to take calls.
her mobile is off and i dont have her busbands number.
so i have to take my 3 plus her 3 to a bloody hospital appointment.
her 3 behaved terribly and the poor consultant was a little bit more than shocked looking.
i got home at gone 5.30 to find her on my door step. she then moaned that my phone had been off,( turned off in the hospital, forgot to turn it on with 6 kids to walk home) and she had been at mine since 5.
i was fuming.
she then had the cheek to ask if tomorrow when i look after hers can i make sure they can go to their swimming lesson??? HELL NO.
now i am fuming,( been stewing over this all evening)
would i be totally unreasonable to tell her im not having them the rest of the week?? cause i have a horrible feeling that after today it is just gonna get worse!

OP posts:
Happygomummy · 27/07/2011 12:15

I cannot believe OP is getting a hard time from some quarters.

How many of us would accept to look after 3 kids, for 4 days, especially when we had 3 kids of our own. Not many i bet (probably myself included) so in my eyes, that in itself shows what a kind person OP is.

"Mate" however committed 4 sins

  1. she did not respect clearly stated request to collect kids at 3.15
  1. despite knowing she was not going to collect on time, she did not inform OP until after the collection time, further compounding OPs issues ie she KNOWINGLY put OP in a very difficult position with regard to hospital visit (how the f**k did you cope with 6??!!)
  1. had audacity to moan about OP not being in when she decided to collect her kids and then moaning about phone being off
  1. had even more audacity to insist on THREE kids being taken swimming

Further, I get impression that OP has not received much gratitude in first place for offering to undertake such a favour. As many others have also stated, I would be falling over myself to say thank you.

OP made several attempts to contact "mate" last night but I think pretty evident this was ignored.

I do not see on what possible grounds anyone can deny that OP took entirely morally justifiable actions. It is irrelevant whether "mate" has support network - she flagrantly abused one part of any such network she may have. Further, how many of us would have such a good friend in our support network who could do this - not many! I conclude she was lucky to have such a friend.

OP, you are not a bitch, you are an amazing person for having agreed in first instance and actually perhaps you have done this girl a favour by teaching her an important lesson in life - treat others how you want to be treated yourself. I also think useful for your kids, and her kids, to witness impact someone's ungratefulness and selfishness brings upon them.

and breathe.......

Happygomummy · 27/07/2011 12:18

ps if anyones happens to find my grammar anywhere, please could they email it back to me!

ChaoticAngelofGryffindor · 27/07/2011 12:48

YANBU Your so called "friend" is a selfish, piss taking cow who is totally out of order. Firstly she reneged on your agreement then she had the temerity to moan at you for not being there when she finally deigned to arrive at yours. You did well not to blow up at her there and then. It's not surprising that she has no support network if this is how she treats people when they do her a favour and this was a massive favour.

If she now has childcare problems then that's her fault. Her work is not more important than your child's hospital appointment. I have to say I have great admiration for you in taking 6 children to the hospital, just thinking about the logistics of it alone would give me a headache.

I'd be seriously considering dropping this "friend" if it were me.

CinnabarRed · 27/07/2011 12:51

I wonder if the "friend" is still being charged by her ill childminder? I know the one we used to use wouldn't charge if she couldn't look after DS1. The "friend" might be quids in here, to boot.

Georgimama · 27/07/2011 13:11

My CM's rules are that she charges half rate if DS is sick or we choose to keep him off and she doesn't charge at all if she is sick or on holiday. She takes two weeks annual leave in the summer and one week at Christmas, other than that she is always available (except Bank Holidays). But she is an angel and worth her weight in gold.

stillstanding · 27/07/2011 13:27

I think clueless is definitely NBU. Outrageous behaviour to be late when a commitment was made but I did agree with another poster who said the punishment didn't fit the crime and felt sorry for the friend when OP backed out of the rest of the week. You in turn were letting her down.

I use the past tense because then I saw the bit about the rude phone call .... that swung it for me. If she had had a genuine nightmare and really couldn't get back for 3pm or whatever and she was very remorseful and full of apologies and made it clear to you that it was some kind of unavoidable crisis and that she appreciated how badly she had let you down it would be different ... but she doesn't and that is the issue imo. At that point, you don't owe her anything and walk away conscience clear because she is well and truly taking the piss.

PinkSchmoo · 27/07/2011 13:56

YANBU but you do rock! Think this woman (won't call her a friend as she patently isn't) had a cheek asking in the first place. She may not have a support network but if she treats potential members of it like this it's really hardly surprising that she doesn't.

diddl · 27/07/2011 14:02

Can´t believe this woman has any sympathy tbh.

She treated OP like shit.

Texts that she can´t make it 10mins after she´s supposed to be there.

Angry because OP kept her waiting.

And after that still thinks that OP will look after the kids & take them swimming!

Bet she treats her CM-who she pays-like that (not!)

Xales · 27/07/2011 15:13

The mate cut of her own nose.

If she had the decency to come back when agreed or to arrange someone else then OP would be having her children now and for the rest of the week.

She didn't give a shit about OP and her trip to the hospital.

I have not idea how important or regular the appointment was but OP had to try and get all the pertinent information at the meeting encumbered by this selfish persons children. All because the selfish mate considered OP's appointment as not as important as her.

Can I have your number in case I ever need someone told to bog off please OP Smile

Xales · 27/07/2011 15:14
  • no idea
thefirstMrsDeVere · 27/07/2011 15:27

Astounded that anyone thinks OP is being unreasonable. Utterly astounded.

Compassion? OP had to take her child to the hospital. This is a pretty stressful experience at the best of times. Waiting til the last minute because someone has said they are going to turn up, rushing out the door with SIX kids before you have even got there.... I know who is missing compassion and its not the OP.

When we work, our kid are our responsibility. If someone can help us out that is great. TBH I would be very reluctant to ask anyone to look after 3 of my kids. Its a huge favour even for one day let alone a whole weeks. AND to expect them to be taken to non essential activities. I expect the 'friend' has paid for the swimming lessons in advance and didnt want to waste the money Hmm

Why should the OP feel any responsibility for the situation?

Would anyone on this thread admit to doing or even considering doing what the 'friend' has done?

lazarusb · 27/07/2011 15:36

OP - I would like lessons please (and I'll pay you and attend at a convenient time for you Wink). I have a friend who regularly takes advantage of me and I've never had the guts to say no. I have even reorganised my birthday plans for her in the past. You should feel very proud of yourself. Hope the appointment went ok and your ds wasn't too nervous/upset having the other children there.

Original poster
clueless1 · 27/07/2011 15:43

normally i am the kind of person who always says yes. late this morning a neighbour has asked me to have her 2, she got the chance to do an afternoons worth of work for a pretty good amount of ££ that she really didnt want to turn down. so i said yes. she dropped them over with a full packed lunch for all the kids, her 2, mine and me! and a couple of those glasses of wine that are ready to go for me!
her husnband will be back at just after 5. so i will only have had them a few hrs, but she has already called and text me to check they are behaving and make sure that im doing ok.
thats the kind of friend i have no issue with helping!!
i think the whole day yesterday got on top of me and the 'mate#' just was the straw that broke the camels back!!

OP posts:
lizziemun · 27/07/2011 15:48

Clueless1

the difference between your neighbour and friend is that your neighbour is very gratefull for your help, where as your friend just expects your to do as she wants.

CustardCake · 27/07/2011 16:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Marlinspike · 27/07/2011 17:20

Clueless I am in awe of you (and just a tiny bit scared if truth be told) Grin

enjoy the lovely neighbour's Wine tonight!

IwishIwasmoreorganised · 27/07/2011 20:59

Good going Clueless - I so admire the way that you have firmly and politely stood your ground while leaving your "mate" with no doubts about why you are no longer willing to look after her dc all week.

You sound so very kind and thoughtful, I hope that you enjoyed your Wine today, and that all is well with your dc who had the appointment yesterday

hairfullofsnakes · 28/07/2011 22:07

Update op?!

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy · 28/07/2011 23:15

i'm not willing to be her bitch! - that statement will pass into mumsnet legend.

'Way to go clueless; you're up there in the hierarchy of strong, kick-ass, women.

LesserOfTwoWeevils · 28/07/2011 23:55

Team Clueless!

Original poster
clueless1 · 29/07/2011 10:23

thanks ladies, ( you are all good for the confidence!!)
i havent heard a peep out of her for the rest of the week. altho there have been some posts of the dreaded fb that may have been slight digs at me. but hey ho, if she is moaning about me she is leaving someother poor sod alone!

OP posts:
HPonEverything · 29/07/2011 17:49

she'd have been deleted off my facebook 3 days ago tbh!

clam · 29/07/2011 18:01

For those who think the OP is being a bit unreasonable by landing this bitch "friend" in a spot re: childcare, if it was such a massive issue with her having to find cover then she maybe should have appreciated the one person who had been willing to help out. As it is, she blew it. Big time.

YANBU. Well done.

Original poster
clueless1 · 29/07/2011 20:13

HP.
never thought to delete her!!

OP posts:
burnsie · 29/07/2011 20:30

You have my admiration Clueless

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