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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

for being so pissed off??

176 replies

clueless1 · 26/07/2011 20:57

had a 'mates' kids today, 3 of them age 4,6 and 9. she had to work and her childminder called to say she was ill.and cant have them the rest of this week. i said i could have them for the rest of the week but only until 3.15 at the latest today. as my 5 yr old had an appointment with the hospital at 4.10 and i need to get me and the 3 kid to the hospital. all fine she says, she will be here before 3.15.
3.15 comes and goes, as does 3.20. at 3.25 i get a text off of her, she cant leave work as she has had to fit in another meeting.
WTF???????????????
i call and according to her receptionist she is unavailable to take calls.
her mobile is off and i dont have her busbands number.
so i have to take my 3 plus her 3 to a bloody hospital appointment.
her 3 behaved terribly and the poor consultant was a little bit more than shocked looking.
i got home at gone 5.30 to find her on my door step. she then moaned that my phone had been off,( turned off in the hospital, forgot to turn it on with 6 kids to walk home) and she had been at mine since 5.
i was fuming.
she then had the cheek to ask if tomorrow when i look after hers can i make sure they can go to their swimming lesson??? HELL NO.
now i am fuming,( been stewing over this all evening)
would i be totally unreasonable to tell her im not having them the rest of the week?? cause i have a horrible feeling that after today it is just gonna get worse!

OP posts:
curiouscat · 27/07/2011 10:48

Quick apology for 'so-called working mum' comment on first page, haven't read all subsequent posts. Didn't mean to get backs up then disappear.

What I meant was (and I'm working mum of 3) that taking care of kids is bloody hard work though unpaid. But those mums in paid work often beg favours of those not in paid work when their childcare falls apart. 'So-called working' just meant that paid work is often easier and more enjoyable than looking after eg 6 kids as OP had to on the day in question.

I still think clueless is not being unreasonable:)

GypsyMoth · 27/07/2011 10:49

Compassion my arse rainbow!!!

Why was she so rude then?? Where was HER compassion?

diddl · 27/07/2011 10:49

Well I doubt I´d even have agreed to have three children in the first place as it is.

Let alone already having three of my own to look after!

She´s got a husband-why is it solely her problem-doesn´t he have any mates?

Georgimama · 27/07/2011 10:49

But those mums in paid work often beg favours of those not in paid work when their childcare falls apart.

I realised that was what you meant. And in my experience, of both my own behaviour and other working parent friends, it isn't true.

joric · 27/07/2011 10:53

It's not true in my world either curious- but I get what you are trying to say :)

blewit · 27/07/2011 10:57

Think you did right to tell her no more and definitely no swimming (that takes the piss) but I do understand her position of being let down with child care and being absolutely desperate. You are a very good friend.

BreakOutTheKaraoke · 27/07/2011 10:58

Surely this is why there are employment laws about dependant leave? She can't be fired over not going to work if she doesn't have childcare.

BEAUTlFUL · 27/07/2011 10:59

I think you were out of order to cancel the rest of the week. I honestly do. She was late, but you've totally backtracked on a huge favour you'd previously agreed to do for her.

The punishment doesn't fit the crime.

MigratingCoconuts · 27/07/2011 11:01

yes curious, these types of mums are (thankfully) rare and I have met selfish SAH mums as well as selfish 'so called' working mums.

The vast majority of mums would not take the piss like this and would be fully aware of just how hard looking after kids at home is.

Original poster
clueless1 · 27/07/2011 11:03

beautiful she backtracked on our original agreement.
can you have the kids this week? cm is ill and cant look after them
yeah i can, but today i have a hosp app with X you have to pick the kids up early. 3.15 at the latest. if yo u cant get here you are gonna have to get someone else becuse we need this appointmet.
she didnt get there for 3.15. so she needs to find someone else.

OP posts:
MissyBrookes · 27/07/2011 11:03

Good on you OP. you are up here with us who take no shit from others! I may sound self absorbed when i say this but ME and MY family come first. If i were doing someone a favour i'd expect them to stick to the terms of that agreement.

Equally, if i was struggling to find childcare i'd stay at home and look after my own damn kids.

If work told me i had to stay for some meeting over going to collect my children at the agreed time i would tell them to shove it up their arse and walk out of the building! I don't live to work like some bosses seem to believe.

Come to think of it, it sounds like your friend may have known she couldn't leave work until 5:30 and just lied to you to get the childcare. Just comes across as far too non-chalant about the whole thing when she did come to get her kids....

joric · 27/07/2011 11:07

Beautiful- I think it does... She made a deal, agreed to the terms, broke the deal and ignored calls and texts. She showed no consideration for OP therefore deal is now off.
That's what happens if you are underhand when someone is trying to help out.
3 DC + 3 DC of her is a big favour. Swimming lessons too? I don't think so.

Original poster
clueless1 · 27/07/2011 11:07

i am not normally such a bitch tbh, i normally just grumble then carry on and seethe quietly.
but she knew this was an important appointment.
and i KNOW that her boss is pretty decent. she has a flexible agreement with him most the time. obviously i dont know the exact details. but in the past working from home and 1/2 days have been no issue.

OP posts:
joric · 27/07/2011 11:10

Come to think of it, it sounds like your friend may have known she couldn't leave work until 5:30 and just lied to you to get the childcare. Just comes across as far too non-chalant about the whole thing when she did come to get her kids....
I thought this too- v underhand.
You would have thought that she would have made this clear to her boss at the start of the day.

LoveBeingAtHomeOnMyOwn · 27/07/2011 11:10

And funny how she can rake the kids with her today but couldn't stick to a 3:15 pick up yesterday. It was not just a pick up around time it was a hosital appt ffs.

joric · 27/07/2011 11:11

You are not a b**h. You have stuck up for yourself.

diddl · 27/07/2011 11:12

So those who think that OP IBU, should she just have refused to have them at all & not tried to help?

joric · 27/07/2011 11:14

Trouble is, these situations make people feel guilty 'you've let her down.. Blah blah' does she feel terrible about lumbering you with all 6 ( instead of just your 3) at the hosp.?

joric · 27/07/2011 11:15

:( OP

HairyJo · 27/07/2011 11:17

I think she knew full well that she wouldn't be making it back to yours before your hospital appointment. Some people are just chancers and have a brass neck. Don't feel guilty I can almost gaurantee she didn't feel bad yesterday afternoon at work knowing you were dragging all those kid's to hospital with you.

CustardCake · 27/07/2011 11:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HPonEverything · 27/07/2011 11:31

Have the people who think the OP IBU actually read the original post? Shock

How anyone could sit at their desk knowing that they have let a friend down whilst that friend was doing a favour, and not be permanently visualising the immense logistical problems of having to take 6 children to hospital, and not panicking about needing to get out of the office to put a stop to the whole ludicrous scenario is totally beyond me.

Let's not forget that she gave NO indication of what time she'd be picking them up and avoided all calls - so the OP had to take them to hospital and then got bo$$%£^ed on her own doorstep for not being back at a time to suit the 'friend' despite not knowing what this time would be! Unbelievable.

CinnabarRed · 27/07/2011 11:33

Hope your DS is OK, OP, and that the hospital appointment had a positive outcome.

Portofino · 27/07/2011 11:36

Did she turn up on the doorstep anyway?

Portofino · 27/07/2011 11:40

Oops sorry - didn't see page 2 Blush