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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

for being so pissed off??

176 replies

clueless1 · 26/07/2011 20:57

had a 'mates' kids today, 3 of them age 4,6 and 9. she had to work and her childminder called to say she was ill.and cant have them the rest of this week. i said i could have them for the rest of the week but only until 3.15 at the latest today. as my 5 yr old had an appointment with the hospital at 4.10 and i need to get me and the 3 kid to the hospital. all fine she says, she will be here before 3.15.
3.15 comes and goes, as does 3.20. at 3.25 i get a text off of her, she cant leave work as she has had to fit in another meeting.
WTF???????????????
i call and according to her receptionist she is unavailable to take calls.
her mobile is off and i dont have her busbands number.
so i have to take my 3 plus her 3 to a bloody hospital appointment.
her 3 behaved terribly and the poor consultant was a little bit more than shocked looking.
i got home at gone 5.30 to find her on my door step. she then moaned that my phone had been off,( turned off in the hospital, forgot to turn it on with 6 kids to walk home) and she had been at mine since 5.
i was fuming.
she then had the cheek to ask if tomorrow when i look after hers can i make sure they can go to their swimming lesson??? HELL NO.
now i am fuming,( been stewing over this all evening)
would i be totally unreasonable to tell her im not having them the rest of the week?? cause i have a horrible feeling that after today it is just gonna get worse!

OP posts:
JamieAgain · 27/07/2011 08:44

Well done. Excellent assertiveness!!!

bestmate · 27/07/2011 08:44

Wow clueless, what a womam you are!!!!!! Good for you. Have a lovely day xx

CustardCake · 27/07/2011 08:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

tibni · 27/07/2011 08:53

Well done clueless, a "mate" would have arrived early and had your other dc so you didn't have to drag them all to the hospital (as well as the wine / choc).

Hope you have a relaxing day

gapants · 27/07/2011 08:54

wow, impressive!! what did she say??

marriedinwhite · 27/07/2011 08:54

What I don't understand is why you didn't tell her the truth last night plain and simple. Didn't have to be rude - just a "I told you I had a hospital appointment and needed your children to be collected at 3.15 and agreed to help because you agreed they would be collected. I am sorry but your behaviour today has upset me and has caused me unnecessary stress". I will have your children tomorrow to let you arrange an alternative but I will not be having them again". Telling her straight and rising above criticism.

CoffeeIsMyFriend · 27/07/2011 08:57

I knew she would pull a stunt! People like her always do.

Good for you for standing up for yourself and saying NO! I feel sorry for her children though, poor things getting shoved around. Why didnt she sort out holiday care for them? Kids camp or similar?

I dont mean you should feel sorry for them clueless you absolutely did the right thing, and maybe in future your 'friend' will get her shit together and not leave things to the last minute.

SenSationsMad · 27/07/2011 09:01

I want Clueless on my team Grin

Original poster
clueless1 · 27/07/2011 09:06

married
i knew that yesterday when i saw her if i had said something i would have totally blown up, i was fuming.

coffee
she has a childminder normally, but she said she was ill so cant have them this week.

OP posts:
CustardCake · 27/07/2011 09:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RoxyRobin · 27/07/2011 09:10

You've probably taught her a useful lesson about the consequences of taking advantage - she should be grateful!

When my son was little, I used to be so grateful to anyone who agreed to look after him that I'd move heaven and earth not to inconvenience them.

marriedinwhite · 27/07/2011 09:10

Anyone else think it a bit of a coincidence that having the children for a whole day once the schools have broken up, the cm has gone sick Hmm. OP - they're not going away for a week or three at the w/e are they? Sorry to be cynical.

Collision · 27/07/2011 09:12

Any idea what she has had to do because you will not take her children?

What were her words when you said you would not have them today?

Original poster
clueless1 · 27/07/2011 09:20

she said she will have to take them into her office. no idea if she will have to finish early or find soemone else to have them tho.

OP posts:
joric · 27/07/2011 09:25

Clueless- I too am so pleased that you stood your ground- she has taken advantage of you by messing up your plans yesterday.
She needs to be ( and has been) told that you were doing her a big favour this week and she has messed up.
I'm glad you have withdrawn your offer of help because I for one am a bit of a doormat and I'm v impressed that you stood your ground this morning especially!
I really hope that she doesn't give you a hard time.

joric · 27/07/2011 09:28

About the office- not your problem. (god help office with 3 bored children).
Will you talk to her tonight and explain why you did this / re negotiate looking after them tomorrow ?

Teachermumof3 · 27/07/2011 09:48

Is she expecting you to have them the rest of the week or not?

Would love a transcript of that phone conversation! ;)

Original poster
clueless1 · 27/07/2011 10:00

i wont be having them for the rest of the week. her attitude on the phone was realy rude. i honestly think that she thinks her needs and plans are more important than the rest of the worlds. and im not willing to be her bitch!

OP posts:
joric · 27/07/2011 10:21

Good for you :)

iscream · 27/07/2011 10:31

Well done!

rainbowtoenails · 27/07/2011 10:38

Im going to go against the grain and say yabu. You still made it to your appointment didnt you? You were naive to think you wouldnt have to take them all with you. You did agree to babysit and knew her working hours went beyond your hospital time. Maybe her boss threatened her with the sack if she left early. She obviously doesnt have any support network if shes having to take the dcs to work (im sure her boss will like that). If she loses her job and then poss her house can you imagine the impact on her dcs? You have no compassion!

marriedinwhite · 27/07/2011 10:42

rainbowtoenails Shock. If her job is in danger there's no way she'd take her dc there. The OP is in no way responsible for another woman's life or childcare. The woman took the p* - end of.

joric · 27/07/2011 10:44

Rainbow- OP agreed to have the DC on the condition that the friend was back before the hosp.Appt. The friend agreed with these terms, let OP down, wouldn't take her calls.... OP cannot be held responsible for her friend's work arrangements too.

Original poster
clueless1 · 27/07/2011 10:44

you are right, i have no compassion. that is why i agreed to help her out. but MY children come first and she made it impossible for me to give my child my full attention at the hospital.
in my world, you dont take the piss out of people who are trying to help.

OP posts:
itisnearlysummer · 27/07/2011 10:47

Well OP, I think rainbow and your friends are the only ones who'd think you were being U so I don't think you need to worry!