Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

To believe this about working/staying at home?

417 replies

WriterofDreams · 26/07/2011 11:53

If you feel this is too contentious an issue and don't want to get involved, don't.

I see endless posts about how working/staying at home affects kids but the way I've always looked at it is how it affects the parents. As far as I'm concerned as long as a child is well looked after, fed, clothed, played with a reasonable amount, given appropriate discipline, stimulation and sleep they're doing well and there's not much to worry about. However, for the parents seeing their children growing up, watching them achieve and grow, is a once in a lifetime opportunity. When thinking about staying at home or working mums in particular seem to focus either on their career or on their children, they don't seem to consider themselves and their own personal needs.

I see having children as a life experience, not just something on the sidelines of everything else. I see it as something I've embarked on both for myself and my child. I've chosen not to go back to work because I want to see my child grow up. It might benefit him to be with me, I don't know, but I'm pretty sure it'll benefit me, and that's what I want. I enjoy being with him, I love seeing him learn and I don't want to go to work every day and miss out on things. I could have a bigger house, more stuff and more holidays if I worked but I don't want those. The way I see it the earnings I'm "losing" are paying for my once in a lifetime experience, which isn't climbing Mount Everest, or travelling the world, it's seeing a new life grow and change, seeing a new person make his way in the world. I feel privileged that I am the person who gets to teach this little boy, who gets to be with him when he has his very first swim, his very first ice cream, sees a dog for the first time. These years that I have with him will never, ever come back, I can literally never repeat them, ever. They are about the most precious thing in my life and I would pay anything for them. Later, when he's older, he will become more independent and I will have had my time with him. He'll go to school and those close years will be over and then I'll see about my career, which I can have any time in my life.

Childhood is short. I choose to share it with my son because I want those memories, for myself. I hope it'll be a good experience for him too. I don't think it'll make him a better person in any way, he won't be more advanced or more social or more anything, he'll just be him. But I'll be able to see that boy emerge, day by day. That's why I'm a SAHM.

OP posts:
Georgimama · 26/07/2011 15:57

I know jooly, me too. Seems the georgimama household has missed out on a memo or two. My wages get spent on the same things as DH's i.e. council tax, rent, food, clothing etc. And DS always managed to reserve his foulest nappies for when he was with us rather than nursery/childminder.

Feel thoroughly cheated all round.

MumblingRagDoll · 26/07/2011 15:57

This is SUCH a wierd thread. Nobody has the SAME choices because all out life circumstaces ae different.

Some of us rent homes...other own multiple homes orone very expensive one....some have DHs who earn lots..others have one who can't work..or who earns little...some of us don't HAVE a DH at all!

We cannot compare!

If a Mother wants to work then that it FINE....even if she desn't NEED the cash as such....she can still enjoy plenty of "precious moments" andsome women don't feel able to care for a baby all day long....they may have jobs they love...they may have PPD....it's not clear cut.

Judging each other is so wrong.

grubbalo · 26/07/2011 16:00

I would love you to demonstrate ONE post where I have dished out venom towards SAHMs rollmops. I am intensely jealous of anyone able to do that (including my sister, my best friend). I also try to avoid being sucked into justifying what I do as it is only really relevant to me and my family, and hence I try to avoid being sucked into criticising anyone else really, as it is hardly my concern.

stillstanding · 26/07/2011 16:01

Law, Bonkers, and in the city. Barely any women where I work, let alone part-time. Sigh.

Science sounds good tho. Glad your experience is different.

Most of my RL friends' employers wouldn't even let them go part-time let alone allow them a successful career while doing so.

noblegiraffe · 26/07/2011 16:04

I'm a teacher so am currently at home in the holiday looking after my nearly 2 year old.

I seem to have spent most of the day doing housework (like clearing up after breakfast, making lunch, clearing up after lunch...should I bother keeping the kitchen clean when it'll only get dirty again?). DS has been playing happily in the sandpit (not even his first time in the sandpit either).

I think I'm doing this whole precious moments SAHM-ing thing all wrong.

ThumbsNoseAtSnapewitch · 26/07/2011 16:05

Can't see any smuggery in the OP - unless you're seeing it because she has the choice to be one? She's not saying it's better for anyone other than herself - and she has acknowledged that she is lucky to have the choice in a later post.

What's smug about that? Confused

Joolyjoolyjoo · 26/07/2011 16:05

kungfu and geordiemama- I'm wondering if it's actually that we hard-faced, precious-moment-hating WOHM can actually take our children into Tiffany's and swop them for a diamond trinket?? Given that we don't care about them all that much anyway....

TandB · 26/07/2011 16:09

Shall we try it? Tomorrow lunchtime at Bond Street?

Is there a Tiffanys on Bond Street?

Georgimama · 26/07/2011 16:11

You wouldn't get a Ratners carriage clock for DS, I can tell you that now.

motherinferior · 26/07/2011 16:12

No, but there are lots of posho jewellery shops; I used to work along there on a glossy mag for a bit. And enjoyed it hugely, much more than being with my children full-time. Especially as I had a cast-iron get out clause for sports day.

smallwhitecat · 26/07/2011 16:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Fillybuster · 26/07/2011 16:12

I'm in!

Actually have an interview at Green Park tomorrow morning so was planning a saunter down Bond Street to eye up all the shiny things i cant afford in a million years I fancy buying for myself because I don't really care about my DCs and its all about me me me

TandB · 26/07/2011 16:13

My DS is very, very precious.

[elevates nose]

I will not be letting him go for anything less than a pendant and some pretty earrings.

Georgimama · 26/07/2011 16:13

Don't worry noblegiraffe some of us seem to be getting being emotionless WOHMs very wrong too. It's an education all round on this thread.

bonkers20 · 26/07/2011 16:13

stillstanding Yes, the job is pretty good. I bet your pay is better than mine though! Can't have everything!

Fillybuster · 26/07/2011 16:13

I hate to disagree with motherinferior (actually, I'm terrified of disagreeing with her...I've seen what she can do when riled Wink) but there actually is a Tiffanys on Bond Street. Oh yes.

TandB · 26/07/2011 16:14

[checks diary]

I am in Battersea tomorrow morning. Are there any posh shops near Battersea? Across the bridge to Kings Road maybe?

motherinferior · 26/07/2011 16:16

And a Fenwicks ....

I personally will be hammering the keys while my precious children make a racket in the background tomorrow, thus getting the SAHM din with no benefit.

Fillybuster · 26/07/2011 16:16

Come and meet me for a coffee Kungfu...I'm planning a lunch break in the Selfridges sale Grin

Obviously I should be rushing back for grumpy-teething-baby's precious screaming moments but oddly enough I'm liking the idea of a few hours solo Grin

Think she might have her first head-banging-temper-tantrum without me? Oh no, silly me, that was this afternoon and I got to witness it in all its glory....Hmm

TandB · 26/07/2011 16:17

Ooh. Tempting. I am not sure I have set foot in Selfridges since DS was born.

[looks self up and down]

Not sure they will let me in.

Joolyjoolyjoo · 26/07/2011 16:19

Ooh- well, I'm in Scotland, but could no doubt take the private jet down in my long and leisurely 15minute lunchtime to browse the baubles with you dahlings. Now, which of my children would fetch the most?

TandB · 26/07/2011 16:21

Bring the biggest, Jooly. Precious moments are measured in grams.

Or is that diamonds?

Fillybuster · 26/07/2011 16:23

kungfu I would PM you but don't think you're 'on'....Selfridges arent that discerning I'm sure you look fine :)

niceday · 26/07/2011 16:24

How dare you! We sahms would have never even considered that!!!

We don't go anywhere to show them

chaya5738 · 26/07/2011 16:29

you girls are so funny

Swipe left for the next trending thread