To believe this about working/staying at home?

[WriterofDreams]

If you feel this is too contentious an issue and don't want to get involved, don't.

I see endless posts about how working/staying at home affects kids but the way I've always looked at it is how it affects the parents. As far as I'm concerned as long as a child is well looked after, fed, clothed, played with a reasonable amount, given appropriate discipline, stimulation and sleep they're doing well and there's not much to worry about. However, for the parents seeing their children growing up, watching them achieve and grow, is a once in a lifetime opportunity. When thinking about staying at home or working mums in particular seem to focus either on their career or on their children, they don't seem to consider themselves and their own personal needs.

I see having children as a life experience, not just something on the sidelines of everything else. I see it as something I've embarked on both for myself and my child. I've chosen not to go back to work because I want to see my child grow up. It might benefit him to be with me, I don't know, but I'm pretty sure it'll benefit me, and that's what I want. I enjoy being with him, I love seeing him learn and I don't want to go to work every day and miss out on things. I could have a bigger house, more stuff and more holidays if I worked but I don't want those. The way I see it the earnings I'm "losing" are paying for my once in a lifetime experience, which isn't climbing Mount Everest, or travelling the world, it's seeing a new life grow and change, seeing a new person make his way in the world. I feel privileged that I am the person who gets to teach this little boy, who gets to be with him when he has his very first swim, his very first ice cream, sees a dog for the first time. These years that I have with him will never, ever come back, I can literally never repeat them, ever. They are about the most precious thing in my life and I would pay anything for them. Later, when he's older, he will become more independent and I will have had my time with him. He'll go to school and those close years will be over and then I'll see about my career, which I can have any time in my life.

Childhood is short. I choose to share it with my son because I want those memories, for myself. I hope it'll be a good experience for him too. I don't think it'll make him a better person in any way, he won't be more advanced or more social or more anything, he'll just be him. But I'll be able to see that boy emerge, day by day. That's why I'm a SAHM.

[Quenelle]

The OP has given good reasons for referring to her pregnancy with DS as her first. Give her the benefit of the doubt. Because if you're wrong you're being incredibly cruel.

I have reported the thread now. It's taken a nasty turn.

[Quenelle]

The OP has given good reasons for referring to her pregnancy with DS as her first. Give her the benefit of the doubt. Because if you're wrong you're being incredibly cruel.

I have reported the thread now. It's taken a nasty turn.

[scottishmummy]

reported this.

[magicmummy1]

Quenelle, well said. Definitely better to give the op the benefit of the doubt in this situation - none of us really know her situation.

[wordfactory]

OP you have suffered a bereavement and my heart goes out to you.
Of course you don't want to spend a second away from your preciosu DS.

But this has absolutely nowt to do with SAHPs or WOHPs or anything in between.

[Dippy001]

My goodness, I don't think I'll ever post on her after Rosie's comments. Horrific. So sorry for your loss WriterofDreams.

[DuelingFanjo]

Writerofdreams, I remember now that you started that highly contentious thread about terminating children with Downs syndrome. I wonder, your intention may not be to upset or cause arguments - indeed you state that in this and the other thread, but it seems you do.

I am sorry for your loss but maybe think twice about starting these kinds of threads which end up upsetting you?

[scottishmummy]

idle speculation and searching posts isnt on
the report button has a function,if anyone has misigivings

[Dippy001]

I think it is very unreasonable for Rosie to react like that, really horrible. Reported

[clappyhands]

phew
just got to the end and what a turn it took

i agree with Dueling Fanjo at 21.51

[magicmummy1]

MrsDeVere, I agree it's sick to think that people might make stuff like this up. Horrible.

I have no idea if Rosie is right or not, and she may well have good reason to be suspicious, but I would hate to think that she might be wrong.

Lots of people have reported the thread now, so I hope it's pulled soon for the benefit of all concerned.

[scottishmummy]

rosie,i understand bereavement issues.i do.but also i understand need to accept mn as it is,and not chase every post one no likey.if this has resonance or impact for you im sorry but speculating about op isnt productive either

youre coming across bit hysterical

[IWouldNotCouldNotWithAGoat]

OP, I am very sorry about your daughter.

I'm afraid posts like this come across as unbelievably smug and are going to piss a lot of people off.

I am in a position to stay at home if I want to. I know heaps of people haven't got that choice so I do not go crowing about it.

You are happy with your choices, that's great. there is really no need to lecture a bunch of strangers on the internet about it.

[nicnac15]

How nice for you to choose not to go back to work. I have no choice whether to work or not, i have to. As we cannot afford childcare i work very unsociable hours on very little sleep so I can be there for my child every day. You are a very lucky lady.

[SophieRMumsnet]

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[madmomma]

Jesus there's some hardfaced bitches on here tonight. Love to you OP

[differentnameforthis]

As far as I'm concerned as long as a child is well looked after, fed, clothed, played with a reasonable amount, given appropriate discipline, stimulation and sleep they're doing well and there's not much to worry about

Should've left it there, op! That's all there is that matters to this debate!

[aprilbear]

Haven't got time to read the entire thread, but am just chuckling away , OP,, at your misconception that parents who work, don't get to do any of these things: see their child swim, watch them eat their first ice cream etc etc

We do all those things - we just happen to work too

The only thing I agree with in your post, is that if the care a child receives is good quality, with good food, sleep, stimulation etc they will be fine. Zit is the parent it has an effect on. However, i disagree with you that being a SAHM is always the well thought through ideological position you promote. SAHM do it because a) they cant afford to use childcare to work, because their earning power isn't good enough or b) they would rather be at home than at work. And remember, b) covers an awful lot of women who just don't like their job much, or aren't very successful at it. Not just women who have had fabulously successful work lives but decide for ideological reasons to give up

The other point I think you're being hopelessly naive about (though I'm guessing your child is only little - you'll learn!!!) is that there is this enormous demarcation between ages 0-4 and the rest of the Childs life, so that the 'pre school bit is seen as almost sacrosanct and incredible and cant possibly be missed for a second, whereas as soon as junior is in school you'll waltz (hopefullu!) back into that fulfilling career. Childhood isn't like that. In many ways I feel my children appreciate me when I'm around more now they are older (young teens) than when they were 3. What do you think a parent should do?- put their entire life on hold til the kids reach adulthood!

Luckily I think most parents have a more balanced and sensible mindset than you OP. we know that having a work life doesn't mean we all miss out on all the fun and joy of our children. Goodness just had a thought OP- if you really believe everything you've written, how do you live with the fact that your poor husband is missing out on all the excitement?? I hope you're going to alternate years at home from the Ages 0-4 so that you each get to have this once in a lifetime experience you speak of- before each stepping back into those wonderful careers waiting for you