To believe this about working/staying at home?

[WriterofDreams]

If you feel this is too contentious an issue and don't want to get involved, don't.

I see endless posts about how working/staying at home affects kids but the way I've always looked at it is how it affects the parents. As far as I'm concerned as long as a child is well looked after, fed, clothed, played with a reasonable amount, given appropriate discipline, stimulation and sleep they're doing well and there's not much to worry about. However, for the parents seeing their children growing up, watching them achieve and grow, is a once in a lifetime opportunity. When thinking about staying at home or working mums in particular seem to focus either on their career or on their children, they don't seem to consider themselves and their own personal needs.

I see having children as a life experience, not just something on the sidelines of everything else. I see it as something I've embarked on both for myself and my child. I've chosen not to go back to work because I want to see my child grow up. It might benefit him to be with me, I don't know, but I'm pretty sure it'll benefit me, and that's what I want. I enjoy being with him, I love seeing him learn and I don't want to go to work every day and miss out on things. I could have a bigger house, more stuff and more holidays if I worked but I don't want those. The way I see it the earnings I'm "losing" are paying for my once in a lifetime experience, which isn't climbing Mount Everest, or travelling the world, it's seeing a new life grow and change, seeing a new person make his way in the world. I feel privileged that I am the person who gets to teach this little boy, who gets to be with him when he has his very first swim, his very first ice cream, sees a dog for the first time. These years that I have with him will never, ever come back, I can literally never repeat them, ever. They are about the most precious thing in my life and I would pay anything for them. Later, when he's older, he will become more independent and I will have had my time with him. He'll go to school and those close years will be over and then I'll see about my career, which I can have any time in my life.

Childhood is short. I choose to share it with my son because I want those memories, for myself. I hope it'll be a good experience for him too. I don't think it'll make him a better person in any way, he won't be more advanced or more social or more anything, he'll just be him. But I'll be able to see that boy emerge, day by day. That's why I'm a SAHM.

[InFlames]

Except in the next post which is less so :-)

[MrsKravitz]

On re reading the OP, I think that attitude is selfish. Nice to be able to have all those "for me" experiences a the expense of your partner. I work so we can both have the chance to enjoy the children.

[WriterofDreams]

Fair enough Chaya. I don't think WOTH parents don't see their children by the way, of course they do. What I'm trying to say is that being SAHM isn't necessarily a choice to benefit the children, it can be a personal thing too, and it has its own rewards. It's not necessarily a slog or something done for the good of others.

[Ophuchi]

Well said writerofdreams. I couldn't agree more. We have had to make a lot of sacrifices in order for me to be a SAHM but the material things mean nothing to me and the time with my DD means the world. As long as you can cover the basics I think SAH parenting is the best job you could ask for :)

[WriterofDreams]

My husband doesn't want to be a SAHP MrsKravitz. He's happy having the same amount of time with DS as any WOHP does. He's also happy to support me in what I choose to do with my life and happy that we don't have to pay for childcare. If he didn't want those things then we'd have to renegotiate. But I did make sure I married someone who knew what I wanted to do in life and was happy with that.

[Sassybeast]

"it's seeing a new life grow and change, seeing a new person make his way in the world -I feel privileged that I am the person who gets to teach this little boy, who gets to be with him when he has his very first swim, his very first ice cream, sees a dog for the first time"

We tend not to work 24/7 you know ? Do you keep a diary of all the really, really important stuff - like 'saw dog for the first time. Was 3 days old and fast asleep but was sooooo exciting' . I'm also shocked that the kids of working mums are abducted and taken for their first swim by random strangers...

Sorry OP but I'm still bemused as to what you hope to achieve. You do sound insufferably smug and I say that as someone who has been a sAHM and a WOHM. You're over thinking it all.

[HeatherSmall]

You will be in for a fucking big shock if you think you can pick your career up anytime, news flash, they often don't want you when you are the wrong side of 35 with children.

[DoMeDon]

YAB a bit U OP- you made your choice and you have your reasons. You do it because you want to, that's great. Many make the same and different choices because they do factor in what is best for their DC. I see little point in having them if you don't make choices based on what will have the best outcome for all. They are not some experiment- part of the deal in parenting is putting them first.

I work because I think it is important DC grow up with work ethic, positive female role model. I work part-time doing horrid shifts because it gives me the most time at home and DC get the security of having parent around. I made this choice as it is what I think is best for DC.

I don't care what others choose to do.

[MrsKravitz]

I would love that too winter and DG knows it. It would be a luxiury.
For me, personally though, I just couldnt do it and let him take all the financial strain alone. Thats just my personal viewpoint ans situation obviously.

[CaptainBarnacles]

"I want to see my child grow up."

Hmmm, pretty sure working parents get to do that too.

[HappyMummyOfOne]

MrsKravitz, I think it comes across as selfish too - all about the OP. Never mind that the partner has to work hard to pay for the OP's choice - perhaps he'd like to stay home too and should given the OP is not bothered by finances "if you feel you're going to get a lot out of being SAHP then that's a legitimate reason to do it, it doesn't necessarily have to be a financial decision".

[MrsKravitz]

DG? DH I meant

[Fennel]

That's lovely for you OP, but my children's childhood seems to be going on for ever. Oldest is 11 and I feel as though it's been decades, and youngest is only 7, so decades to go too. Plenty of time for both work and seeing the dc.

[HeavyHeidi]

YANBU to do whatever you think is best for you.

rest of the post very U though. As you get to do all you described because you are a SAHM, you are pointing out that WOHMs never, ever get to see their DS's first steps, how much they are missing out, that they will not take the precious opportunity and aren't they thinking about the fact that they will never get those years back. very condescending.

[sleepindogz]

the thing is the parent will do what suits THEM and dress it up so that the kid loves it/adores it/benefits from it

if the situation change and it no longer suited parent, that kid would have changes made and again dressed up that its for the good of the kid regardless.

thats how i see it anyway

[CaptainBarnacles]

Also agree with HeatherSmall - you are a little naive if you think careers are just something which can be resumed 'any time'.

[BumWiper]

I would love to WOTH.Where I would get a break and the oppertunity to pee without an audience.

[BumWiper]

My career is well gone now.Please don't bank on it being still where you left it.

[BelleEnd]

I am a SAHM and I think it's a bit off to start a thread like this. I make the right choice for me, you make the right choice for you, people come to their own conclusions as to what they want to do. I don't get why people argue about it, or feel the need to defend the choice they've made. Live and let live.

[TandB]

CurrySpice Tue 26-Jul-11 12:03:10
It makes me laugh that SAHM seem to think that parents who WOTH go to work when their kids are born and don't come home till they are 18 and we don't see our kids grow up or spend any time with them. We do you know!!


What? You mean you spend time with your kids, Curryspice? Doesn't that defeat the primary purpose of working which is clearly to avoid all possible contact with your offspring for 18 years. I am doing pretty well at it I think - I am fairly sure that if you give me a couple more months in work I will forget what DS looks like.

Disclaimer: sarcasm may have been involved in the above post.

[OriginalPoster]

Why can't people realise that these threads just cause misery by winding up those who have to work/choose to work for whatever reason?

It's great that you are enjoying being a sahm, but it seems that you are rubbing people's faces in it.

A thread entitled

'the best bits of watching your child grow up' would be more inclusive and less likely to descend into a bun fight.

[TandB]

Bumwiper - it is the running commentary that gets me. "Mum doing wee-wee in there. Wee-wee go in there. Wee-wee gone?"

[Memoo]

You missed something in your OP, love!

[worldgonecrazy]

I am very, very jealous of anyone who can afford to be a SAHM. It breaks my heart every morning to leave my DD, though that heartbreak is softened slightly because she's with her GPs who are getting to spend so many precious days with her. She's their only GD and was a long time coming, so they're both getting on a bit, but not so much they don't have the energy to play and run around with her.

So yes, the OP was a bit boasty, but I'm a lot jealous. As parents we do what we have to do.