To wonder what constitutes being posh?

[BumWiper]

Because having an au pair seems to be considered posh.I have one out of need,not out of choice.
DC2 has SN and health problems which could very well mean a midnight ambulance trip (already once this week and its only Tuesday),so by having an AP it means precious time is not wasted in getting a babysitter,as DH travels a lot.Also there are many appointments,so it means I can go and not have the other children distracting me or annoying anyone.

But no,to others I have an AP because I'm posh.

More of a rant than AIBU.

This is something i have considered for a while i am due my 4th baby (total shock - not ment to be able to get pg!!!!). I was wondering if a au pair would suit for when the new baby comes, to help with children (i will be at home) cleaning/cooking etc ... as i will have a c/section.. poss be with us a min 6 months hopefully longer, hubby works what seems 24/7.

If you live in the country do you have to provide a car?.. anybody know of how you find a decent agency/or best people to contact?... what checks do au pair have i.e CRB, what checks would the family need? ..i.e. crb, checking out the bank statements?

thanks.

For me I would like an au pair (asap actually) simply for somebody to be there in the house, I wouldn't leave them with a baby but I need a big brother/sister figure who will look at the clock and call me if my children aren't home by 4pm, that's not worth £500 a week but is great value at £70 plus board (and some of them eat not far off £430 of food and phone bill).

From what I could tell, au pairs don't prefer sahms.

No one thing will ever make anyone "posh".

I own a Hermes scarf (never wear it) but that alone does not make me posh.

I knew a house keeper in London who worked long hours, and had 2 young children. She sqeezed an au pair into her London flat (by giving the au pair her own room and sharing with her DC) as it was the cheapest and most practical option.

There's no way you can be proper posh without the right accent and attitude.

kayb123 Congratulations! It woukd be best to hop over to the CMs nannies and au pairs section for more advice, particularly on whether the set up you have would be good for an au pair (there will be differing opinions and we'd need more detail like the ages of your other children etc) but briefly:

I personally wouldn't pay for an agency who do very little and so stiles give put dangerously incorrect advice. Try au pair world or great au pair plus the wisdom of MN to guide you through.
Neither party needs any checks. In reality most au pairs are asked for a police check from their home country and a note from their doctor plus references. Families often offer up some kind of reference, especially if they have an au pair already.
You don't have to provide a car but it may be the most practical solution. Car insurance is likely to be expensive. Au pairs will, naturally, prefer a family with a car.

Be prepared for them to need quite a lot of supervision/handholding/mothering. Not all do but you never know until they arrive so prepare for the worst you could put up with IMO.

HeatherSmall I agree. To look after my babies is worth the £500 per week I pay but as the kids get older then my needs would change to exactly what you describe. I know this is terribly rude about my lovely nanny but I have had to reconcile myself to the fact that she has a huge appetite (eats about 50% more than dh and he is no lightweight) and she is one of those people who can't open a pack of biscuits and eat a couple of them, she has to finish the lot. Our shopping bills are significantly cheaper (we only spend about 50% on food) when she is on holiday. So yes, if you have a similar type person as an au pair then its not really the cheap option.

thank you fraktious i will look there, i only mentioned about the car as ours is new and was really worried about the insurance side as most seem seem to be young i.e. late teens.
Not sure if comment about au pair not liking sahm is to me or not but i do work part-time but will be taking leave due to baby..will hope to go back 6-9 months or how ever long the leave is these days :S. hopefully this wont cause a problem. :)

I don't think having an au pair makes you "posh"

I don't think being posh necessarily means you are a snob. Quite a lot of people who claim not to be posh on this thread are patently snobs for eg

And rofl @ posh people needing elocution lessons - err... why would you need them?

Yes to have a servant with a french name is posh. Not run of the mill. There are other words to describe non-posh help

I think having a Norland nanny is quite posh and an au pair quite budget.

Obinator! The one for men is called "TOOL ACADEMY."

Just saying.

Having an au pair (to me) means having a big enough house for whatever reason. It is the cheapest arrangement possible if both parents work... or this is what I have always thought.

using the following words beastly, frightful, ghastly, orf (for off) and one must

my best friend is posh and her mummy is frightfully posh, twin set, pearls (handed down of course) and hermes scarf and litters her conversations with the words beastly and ghastly which i for some reason find highly amusing

I cannot imagine why people think you need money to have an au pair. They are the cheapest form of childcare ever (in London at least) - what you do need is the space to house them! I have one, and I could never afford nursery/daily childminder for the same number of hours.

A Norland nanny themselves is probably quite posh.

You only need to be rich to employ one.

I mean would any one say Ozzy Osbourne was posh? Genuine Question.

There is definitely one posh mum at school.

Her child has one of those names ( I really like it, BTW)

Said child only wears Boden. (Bought in the "town hall" clearance sale...I have witnessed her buying armfuls of the stuff like a mad women)

She has the right accent.

She refers to her mother as "Mummy"

She holidays in Tuscany.

She drives an old banger, and I can tell from the jobs her and her DP do the can't be loaded.

at posh Ozzy...

and also at the idea that you could end up with a nanny posher than oneself.

I don't know why being "posh" is a negative thing.

People "accuse" me of being posh all the time (as I have "staff", ie a cleaning lady 2 hrs a week, and a gardener once a year) and I like to tell them I have no choice as otherwise I'd have no time for my polo ponies.

Posh IMO is when you go to a nice hotel and you DON'T nick the slippers :)

I'm starting to think you're posh if you say you are.

There's lots of ways to 'fake' it anyway if you're determined to do so. Just steer clear of accent modification, that's the biggest give away to being a fraud.

Harriet, I would be surprised if anyone admits it. I am always accused of being posh - either because of the way I speak or if I say I have help around the home - I have a nanny, gardner, cleaner, and specialist cleaners (window, wheelie bin, oven etc). If I said I was posh then people would automatically assume I am a snob. I think the two are entirely different things!!

noviceoftheday... I am really jealous... Just wondering. Do you have someone to open the door to all this people too?

Definitely not! It sounds more grand than it is.

Def not posh...au pairs are cheap! I work as a violinist means not in til midnight quite often...how else am I going to get childcare? For most mum musicians it is the only option and we are def NOT rich!

Oh, at my last PTA meeting I had to listen over and over again to a woman telling everyone she'd been to boarding school and how her husband was underwriting next year's ball. "He said to me: Just tell me how much it's going to cost me!"

Of course the snob in me (my kids are the ones in the NCT nearly new sale Boden clothes and sitting in the back of a (VW, natch) clanger) tutted: Anyone who has to boast about it, isn't really!

So snob meets reverse snob, who is the snobbiest?!

Why does having an AP make you a snob???

Not any ones else's business IMO.