To wonder what constitutes being posh?

[BumWiper]

Because having an au pair seems to be considered posh.I have one out of need,not out of choice.
DC2 has SN and health problems which could very well mean a midnight ambulance trip (already once this week and its only Tuesday),so by having an AP it means precious time is not wasted in getting a babysitter,as DH travels a lot.Also there are many appointments,so it means I can go and not have the other children distracting me or annoying anyone.

But no,to others I have an AP because I'm posh.

More of a rant than AIBU.

My inlaws think I am posh because I have a nice middle class accent, I send my dd to ballet classes, I like avocadoes, I only buy free range or organic meat, I say living room instead of lounge, lunch instead of dinner and dinner instead of tea. They would think we were ultra posh if we had an aupair, but thats only because they inhabit a very small social circle.

I'm with yousparkle, why do people say you are posh just because you do not have a regional accent?! It drives me mad especially as they are implying that being posh is not necessarily a good thing!

Brainsurgeon you made me nearly lose my over the keyboard!

Balloon slayer...can I just say now, that if you ever do win the lottery and can afford an AP, I am available......ok I am not but I would be for those terms

Ooo Bibbity, your in laws would think I am ultra posh too, I say lunch, dinner and sitting room and settee, but my kids all say living room and sofa cos they listen to their dad.

Ok why is posh an insult then? If posh means money, which I guess it did orginally Port Out Starboard Home.

It's not posh to have an au pair, I have one and it is far cheaper than having a nanny or full time creche.

However, I have to disagree with Quintessentialshadow who has written
'Au pairs are a low cost option for families in need of childcare but either cant afford full time nursery place, or a nanny'

I agree they are a low cost option but I can afford full time nursery, however, my DH works abroad and my job can mean I have late hours or I get called out in the middle of the night. No creche in the world will take my LO at 3am. So please don't judge or assume why we have au pairs as you may find your assumptions are wrong and cause offence.

Most people have an au pair to look after the children while they work so no not posh at all - a practical solution and often cheaper than full time nursery care. Maybe those who have one and don't work (lucky souls) are better off than most of us but not 'posh' by definition.

For me an Au pair would be cheaper than 2 kids in nursery unfortunately our house is too small!

I dont think it is posh at all especially if you work.

some friends have a house keeper, a Nanny and a night nanny ( they are a 'bit' posh) but they both work long hours

Absolutely, Dogwalker and same as in OP's case, I really don't understand why people would think it's posh.
Don't let it affect you, it's just ignorance...

Deffo not 'posh' to have an au pair. Childminders are more expeensive.
A live in nanny is 'posh'

Who are all these 'others' who think you are posh?

It's possibly considered posh because most people couldn't accommodate another adult in their houses.

Well given that employment law doesn't distinguish between a live in nanny and an au pair on the UK (except A2 nationals) the distinction doesn't really apply. In any case having live in help doesn't make you posh.

APs in the true sense of the word shouldn't have FT sole charge care though, and if they do then they need to be paid appropriately which doesn't make them all that cheaper than nursery, especially once you factor in the increased cost of having someone live in plus employer's NI and a payroll agency, unless you have oodles of time to figure out the HMRC software.

Bizarrely in France you can have a live in nanny without her needing a separate bathroom. Bless the EU and mobility of labour laws.

I wouldn't think of an au pair as posh but that's because I've looked into the various forms of childcare and realise that they are a very low cost solution for many families where both partners work, children at school or part-time nursery or for many other reasons. However, I think that as the word 'au pair' is French it can sound 'posh' in a Dell-Boy Trotter sort of way!

Funny thread. I have a live in nanny who has her own room, bathroom and a car. So guess that makes me posh then though have never thought about it. Is being posh a bad thing?

If anyone is interested in an Au Pair my friend has a very good agency and is fabulous at matching the family and their needs with the girls and their needs.

Sympathies - I am in the same situation. DH away on business frequently and have 2 DCs with SNs - I recognise the midnight ambulance trips! Before I had an AP I was on the brink of depression, having to cope with it all alone so often. Just having someone in the house to help is the difference between feeling overwhelmed and feeling in control. But you are right - some people seem to think it is a luxury, when in fact it is just about the cheapest home help option there is! In my case the worst offenders, funnily enough, are family (despite offering little help themselves, I have had many a snide remark). Yes, I don't work full time, the children are school age and we have enough money to do it. But you pay for it in lack of privacy, sometimes feeling like you have yet another child to look after, and the times when it "goes wrong". And, incidentally, we have never provided a car for an AP. That much we can't afford.

ok, that's snob Dawnybabe!

Posh= serving pom bears at one's dinner party innit

Flashfix I don't work either,I would love to but no creche or childminder would be able to take all four DC,including one with SN.It would simply cost more than my earning power,and tbh I wouldn't feel comfortable leaving DC2 and going off to work,knowing I could get a phonecall to head to the hospital.Not fair on an employer either.
I have to face facts that my life in the workplace is over for the forseeable future.Don't get me wrong I love being here with my children but sometimes I feel so overwhelmed.

Having an au-pair doesn't mean you are posh. Having an au-pair when you don't go to work means that you have the space and enough spare cash to pay for some help. Having an au-pair when you do go to work means you are entering into a two way cultural exchange which with effort on all sided works for the au-pair for you and for your children.

Having an au-pair is not a cheap form of child care to have instead of a nanny. An au-pair is not, in my opinion, suitable to provide childcare for 9-10 hours for the under 5's. As a friend once said you have to be either at home to supervise or the dc need to be old enough to dob them up if they take the mick.

For us an au-pair was perfect when I went back to full time work when dd was 6. The au-pair collected from school and dealt with all the after school activities including teas at home and away. That for me was really important and was not something that a childminder or after school club would have facilitated. Our au-pair was on duty from 3.45 - 6 Mondays to Fridays and cooked and gave the dc their tea and usually once a week had a free slot if the children were out. She also did the laundry, dishwasher, and tidied up after the dc. I believe ours (and we had 5 over the years and only one disaster) never had to put in the 25 hours. On top we had up to two evenings babysitting each week but we tended not to use that either.

In return for the help our au-pair got a double bedroom, her own bathroom and a little study/sitting room, £80 pw spending money and all food provided - essentially she had the attic/loft floor. It was a good deal as we are only 25 minutes from the West End. Certainly wouldn't have given 18/19 year old girls use of the car (even though it would have been helpful) in London - and only one was confident enough in her driving skills to have tried - the insurance would have been horrendous. We had one who grumbled that she didn't get enough money - she was on £65 pw I think but that was in 2005 and she simply couldn't appreciate that the accommodation she had with us would cost her about £700pcm if she had to pay for it. Oddly enough she was the only Eastern European I ever had and I suspect from the poorest background of all the au-pairs too - and the only one for whom nothing was good enough - even though I had to teach her not to dish up from the saucepans on the kitchen table .

We are posh - some would say I'm very posh - but not because I had an au-pair . And we are certainly not snobby.

I might say "ooo - how posh" if a friend told me they had an au pair but it really isn't something that people do around here. Very rare. I would think that they had more money than me - as we could not afford to pay anyone wages & they would clearly need a bigger house than us as we have no spare room.

IME rich & posh are incredibly different. Some of the wealthiest people I have met have been as common as muck (i.e. as un-posh as possible). Likewise, it is possible to be "posh" on a limited means. My in-laws think I'm posh - but mainly because I don't have an accent & the thought of bread & dripping turns my stomach!

Many, many years ago I had an au pair, a lovely girl from France, who became a life long friend. But we only had an au pair because we couldn't afford a nanny (nobody we knew had a nanny then) and I know many of our neighbours and friends thought we must be quite rich to have an au pair. Au pairs then were meant to be treated as part of the family - like an older sister to your children. I don't think that's quite the case now, and there was a lot of abuse of them.

Posh?I wouldn't think it posh at all.

Around here, full time nusery is £250 p/w

Aupair £70 p/w according to the agency we looked at!

Like many others said, If anything its the absolute most economicall option.

Nannies are posh, APs just mean you have a spare room, bit of extra cash (although APs dont earn much) and that you fancy some help with the kids and the house!

i am defo not posh or rich but an AP really helped us a couple of years ago.

but i would comment on the fact that they are not cheap (our size 6 AP could eat for Europe :) my food bill practically doubled)

and then you have the "extra's" ie taking on trips, going for a coffee. never felt right to get her to buy her own as we only paid her £100 a week and she was probably worth about 4 times that

You must have the extras of more electricity, food, washing, heating as well though so that cheaper weekly rate in theory seems to be eroded by the extras to me. I can see the night time emergency issue though, as we have a disabled dc who has regular emeregencies, and dh works away alot, I am often juggling multiple children at A and E, and school pick ups for the other dc and emeregncy night cover. No hope of an ap or a nanny though, no money and no job because the medical care of dc means I am unemployable.