To wonder what constitutes being posh?

[BumWiper]

Because having an au pair seems to be considered posh.I have one out of need,not out of choice.
DC2 has SN and health problems which could very well mean a midnight ambulance trip (already once this week and its only Tuesday),so by having an AP it means precious time is not wasted in getting a babysitter,as DH travels a lot.Also there are many appointments,so it means I can go and not have the other children distracting me or annoying anyone.

But no,to others I have an AP because I'm posh.

More of a rant than AIBU.

Hmm... I dont know...I know someone who had an au pair (actually 2 at once!) because they gave her round the clock, cheap childcare all be it unqualified. You couldn't get away with paying a nanny what an au pair gets and many people use the au pair for more than number of hours per week they are supposed to i.e as the sole childminder not the 'member of the family who helps out'

so it could be a not posh cheapskate option for some!

I think posh is living as the uc do: have staff, dc at boarding school, keep horses, chaffeur, elocution lessons, finishing school, massive pile of a house, country club membership, bespoke tailoring. If you have/do any of these things for whatever reason then you may be deemed posh

if you can afford it,go for it.if it makes difficult tasks easier to manage thats great

You can't compare au pair prices to nursery prices! Au pairs absolutely cannot provide full time childcare to replace full time nursery, although some people do try to take advantage in this way.

If you're in Ireland, OP, I think then yes, having an au pair would be seen as "posh". But who gives a flying shite?

in scotland au pair is posh. very new town or west end

Every one i know who has had an au pair has had one because they are a cheaper option than a nanny. I dont think it is at all posh to have one.

if it suits,go for it
im not that familiar with what an au pair does ,or costs. hopefully someone will expand upon this

they are cheaper than a nanny because they can't do the work of a nanny. Honestly, half of you don't seem to know what an au pair is!

A nanny is a professional who can take sole charge of children full time and costs ( no idea in the UK but I'm guessing) upwards of £300 p/w?
An au pair is a helper who lives with you and can do a few hours a day babysitting and light housework, they are not nannies and should not be treated as such. Au pair means on a par, they are meant to be treated as family and are there to assist, not as cheap childcare. Or slaves, if you are using them as nannies, since they only get about £70 a week.

well i know what my friends Nanny does and what my other friends au pair does and to me they have a similar role. But the one has the use of a porsche cayenne turbo whilst she ferries the children to and from private school, pony riding lessons, cubs & brownies and the other is paid peanuts and drives a battered saxo. The nanny has weekends off, the au pair seems to be on duty all the time apart from when she is in college. both girls are solely responsible for the children and do no housework other than the childrens laundry and tidying thier bedrooms.

My friend did ask her one au pair to prepare a bolognaise for them one night and she came home to find mince boiling in milk.

then your friend is abusing the role of the au pair. How much does she pay her indentured servant?

this thread is great. I live not far above the breadline, run down flat, almost bankrupt a few years back, still paying it all off. Seriously, skint and.....we had an au pair. The deal for us was that he - yes, it was a he! - lived out as we have no spare room, let alone a spare bedroom. he picked up DS after school and stayed until we got home, did a bit of housework and made the tea. We paid him the same as after school or CM would have cost and I gave him free English lessons twice a week so he could pass his IELTS and go to university here - which he did. it was a good deal for him as i was charging £25 an hour one to one at that time (I am qualified to teach EFL).
It worked really well, DS loved him to bits and I got to say I had an au pair and feel one step up from being a low life for a while!!
(And no, I don't mean that if you haven't got an au pair you are a low life, before anyone willfully misunderstands me!)

Scottish Mummy see my post further up but in short it is a cultural exchange where the au-pair is treated as one of the family and usually attends a language college for at least six hours a week (I forgot above to say that I also paid for the last term at college for them). They can work up to five hours a day which can include light cooking for the children and light housework if they are willing (ours did the laundry and the dishwasher). They are not really suitable for looking after under fives on their own and have no formal childcare training. They usually also do hours babysitting per week. They need a bedroom, all food and pocket money which is generally about 70-80 pw. They are usually under 25. Our most successful ones were three 18 year old Swedish girls who seemed much more mature than girls in their early 20's from other parts of Europe.

It's a cheap form of childcare for school aged children providing you have the space and live somewhere with enough interesting places for them to get to and to see and to meet other people.

The hidden costs are: agency fee, circa 500, a term of college fees - circa 300, their food - all ours age like horses - £40 a week, extra heating/lighting, expect £10 pcm on your phone bill, a return flight home £150ish, three weeks paid holiday over the course of a year.

Ours all stayed the full year, one stayed for two years and one for 18 months - I think we looked after them well.

thanks.didnt know that

Bumwiper & Firefix I'm in a very similar position and about to start looking for an au-pair as I need to have someone else in the house overnight in case of a medical emergency with one of my DC as my DH is away a lot. Where there any particular agencies you looked at that where helpful for this sort of requirement or any particular questions you asked when looking. Thanks!

For me being posh means you know how to play lacrosse, you go skiing in Val d'isere and you have enough money never to need a mortgage. Oh, and you have a child called Oliver. And a border terrier called Monty who stinks and who you love more than your husband. And you have narrow feet and wear shoes with little chains on the front.

The au-pair is neither here nor there. I've had au-pairs, and I live in Croydon ffs. And shop in Lidl.

"they are cheaper than a nanny because they can't do the work of a nanny. Honestly, half of you don't seem to know what an au pair is!"

There are au-pairs and there are faux-pairs. Mine was the latter. She was 36 and I got her contact details from a Nigerian supply teacher who was running an au-pair agency from his back bedroom. She did the work of a nanny. And a cleaner. I suspect she would have slept with my husband too, if I'd asked her nicely.

I would guess because au pair = at least one spare bedroom to put her in = probably a fair amount of money = probably living in a lovely semi in leafy suburbs= posh??

Just a guess though!

(I am posh by the way - apparently - as I grew up in Hertfordshire and now live in the wilds of Liverpool)

Our new au pair has just arrived this evening - it's been lovely to meet her in person. We hosted our previous au pair for 18 months and she has recently moved out into a nearby house-share to pursue her career. I've had quite a few people assume that au pairs do the same job as nannies and have had to point out that the two roles have relatively few similarities (obviously both involve children).
An au pair usually:

• works around 25 hours per week in return for food, board and pocket money (around £70 - £100)
• does not have sole charge of children under 2
• is treated as a member of the family
• is free to attend college, socialise and explore the national/local culture
• does some light housework and limited childcare each day.

I don't think we're posh. My family is mc, DH's family is staunchly wc. I consider us very lucky to have the spare income to be able to host an au pair, and I think our children gain a lot from the experience. To have that spare income we don't do foreign holidays, new cars, house rennovations or social activities.

Oh, should add that we met both via aupairworld.com. And we don't live in leafy suburbs

is it £70-100 pw allowance?

Argh, should have said main reason for having au pair is that DH is in the army and does a lot of stints away .

X-post, yes it is allowance. Payment over something like £102 per week incurs NI and tax. There are still some employer obligations on the family despite it not being a full employer-employee set-up e.g. provision of paid leave, adequate rest time etc.

Spud we live in a terrace! But you did make me laugh though posh people ski at Aspen, Gstaad and Klosters! Nips to utility room to count how many pairs of shoes have little gold chains .

£70-100 is typical, yes. Plus room and board etc.

Correction though - 'au pairs'* are governed by employment law so are entitled to 5.6 weeks holiday.

*in inverted commas because with the exception of 2 countries they don't technically exist in the UK any more and haven't since 2008. Obviously any one can do the job described as an au pair's but there is no legal distinction between nannies and au pairs, it's dimly a spectrum where the employer decides what level of qualification/experience is appropriate.