To wonder what constitutes being posh?

[BumWiper]

Because having an au pair seems to be considered posh.I have one out of need,not out of choice.
DC2 has SN and health problems which could very well mean a midnight ambulance trip (already once this week and its only Tuesday),so by having an AP it means precious time is not wasted in getting a babysitter,as DH travels a lot.Also there are many appointments,so it means I can go and not have the other children distracting me or annoying anyone.

But no,to others I have an AP because I'm posh.

More of a rant than AIBU.

I think it's posh yes, but only because you must be pretty wealthy to afford one. Again, this is not derogatory - I would definitely get one if necessary and if I could afford to.

why do you feel your ap would need a bathroom of her own, cheria?

A posh person is someone who gets out of the bath/shower to have a pee

I wouldn't think it consitutes posh but only because I know my lovely bf consultant has one, and actually it seems to be a very sensible arrangement, it's a lot cheaper than my ds's nursery!

YANBU

If you're really posh you wouldn't have an Eastern European girl living in your home paying her £70/week. You would have a nanny paying her £hundreds/week!

My definition of posh is a house I was invited to recently. Mother of a friend of dd2 invited us round for coffee and a play. Didn't know the family very well, only chatted at the preschool gates etc. Arrived to find they lived in a massive, beautiful detached Georgian house - must have had at least 6 bedrooms - huge beautiful grounds with antique stone sculptures, handmade wooden wendy/tree house for the children. She said "pop through to the conservatory - most of the toys are out there". We walked through to find the most enormous, beautifully decorated, stylishly victorian living area, which was as big as the entire downstairs of my house. The art collection was displayed on one wall, with a pile of yet to be hung pieces just lying around. The children were served smoked salmon and new potatoes for lunch by the "housekeeper", not an au pair!

insert - in theory they shouldn't have sole care of under 3's (or maybe 2's) but in practice it really depends on the girl. We've had au pairs in the past - we have one Polish girl who was so fantastic from the minute she stepped in the house I felt confident leaving my 8-month old baby with her. I didn't have to tell her a thing about safety, keeping her warm etc - she just knew it like a mother!

Oh i thought they were allowed sole care? But yes I know they're dirt cheap.

catepilllar it's the law here in France - you can only legally hire an au pair if she has her own room and bathroom (though I think she might be able to share the children's bathroom - but either way, we only have one bathroom so can't do anything about it). I assume to give her privacy from randy French dads

Posh means buying grapes when no-one's ill...

at grapes cogito!

I would definitely not think having an au pair constitues being posh, or having more money than most. It is a cheap option. Having a nanny cost far more. Having a nanny and letting the nanny take her/his charge to preschool cost even more. Having a baby sitter a few times a week cost more than an au pair. Au pairs are a low cost option for families in need of childcare but either cant afford full time nursery place, or a nanny.

I have been called posh in my time, I think because my mum beat any local accent out of me as a child, but I was the first person in my dad's family to go to University, and dh and I live in a nice but very small 3 bed cottage, having to survive on little money, growing our own food. We have no help with child care, or housework, I do it. Some of my friends have nannies, some have cleaners, send out their ironing etc.....so why am I considered the posh one. I am from a working class background, I am not a snob, I just talk without a local accent. I don't find the term posh offensive, because quite frankly I don't care, but I just don't understand it. Like someone else posted it isn't just money, I have met a few very uc old money people who I would not consider posh, and some wc and mc people who are just interested in proving they are better than me? Anyone else?

I would have thought posh is to have a fully qualified nanny... Now that IS posh in my book

Like everyone else, I think au pairs are cheaper than top quality childcare.

I think the perception is that you must be posh to have an au pair, as it implies you have spare space in your house for an extra person to live in?...

Nope not posh here then....no spare room, one dodgy bathroom and no en suite!

Oh and it could also be that an au pair can help with house chores, so if you don't do all of your housework yourself you "must be posh" ?!..

Plus dodgy bathroom is leaking into sitting room ceiling......definitely not posh?

Ah but brainsurgeon- in relationships where 1 partner does all the housework... does that make the other partner v posh?

All the really posh people I've ever known (and I'm talking titles) have lived like they were dirt poor. Cruddy old cars, perpetual welly-wearers, surrounded by unfeasibly large numbers of dogs.... Definitely no au-pairs just a 'lady from the village who comes in and does'. It's only when they have to scrub up for some occasion that they actually start to look minted.

Cheria that's my worst nightmare, DP keeps joking that if we're getting an au pair it has to be a french one

No Captain, if the other one is fit and healthy, it probably makes them a twat

I haven't given it much thought really but I guess in my head an AP is the same as a nanny, and I'd feel I could only hire one if I could give her

• her own bedroom and sitting room
• own bathroom
• use of a car

This is because I would never move in with a family of strangers to look after their DCs unless I had the same.

So to me you would have to be seriously rich to manage all that. Does rich = posh? I guess it must do somewhere in my brain.