My five year old was abandoned at an organised party

[KattyB]

My husband took our five year old boy to a birthday party for two of his school friends in the local sports hall yesterday and when he came back to collect him, (five minutes late) all of his friends and their parents had left. There was another party going on afterwards, but my child was, well, abandoned. Not only that, but he actually managed to get outside the hall and was ?waiting for daddy? in the car park.

To say that I am angry is a little bit of an understatement and what could have happened doesn?t bear thinking about.

Don?t know the mums at all well and don?t have their phone numbers ?. Should I 'throw the book' at the venue???? What would you do?

Did he get the time wrong? I'm slightly mystified that you don't have an invitation with contact numbers on it and all details written down. You could ring the venue and find out what time the party was supposed to have finished I suppose

Until the child is handed over to the parents, its the party parents responsbility. They had your number they could have called you. You should have got their number though to inform them that you would be late.

but reasonably,i cant say i know whereabouts of every kid at party,esp not my own kid.truth be told im predominately looking out for my own dc.dont always notice other kids movements.nor can i be expected to

i sympathise, i do
but no i wouldn't expect to be told off because your partner cant get to collect own child promptly

When you host a party, and children are left with you on their own without parents than YOU as the party parent are responsible for that child. Can't believe how many are saying its entirely the op fault, no its not! What if she was in an accident or something happened!

Agree with you Piglet, the other mums were in loco parentis. I don't think I would ever leave my DC with someone unless I had their number though - that's what I do if people leave their kids at parties, swap numbers, just in case.

Quote from husband and son.....

....It could have been 6 minutes late at the very outside , as
I arrived I saw the parents of the party girls getting into their cars which
I thought was pretty odd & by the time I'd found DS in the carpark
(after going into the hall & failing to find him or anyone connected to the
party) there was no-one left to shout at. In his own words - they gave me a cake , a balloon & this car & then they walked out....

That is why scottishmummy I accompany my dd as other parents i do not know well cannot be trusted unless my dd is a lot older. If you accept children to be left on their own at your party, than you are responsible, if you find that difficult, then get friends to help or have a smaller party.

I'm impressed that everyone had gone by 5 minutes after the party finishing time. I'd love to be that organised and have such co-operative collecting parents.

Whenever I've left ds at a party I have made sure that the host has my contact details, I hand over ds to the host's care physically so they know ds is there and that I'm not. I always check that they have my contact details and I have their mobile number. I then tell ds to wait with the host until I come and collect him. Most 5 year olds can understand those instructions and all the adult party hosts where I've left ds understand that they are in charge of ds in my absence.

If the OP did a proper hand over at dropping off then I'm surprised that the host seemingly abandoned her child. Especially only 5 minutes after party end time - surely they would have still been packing and clearing up at that time?

If I were the OP I would talk to my dh to get a more accurate timing, then call the party host and if I wasn't satisfied with that I would call the venue.

katty,dad responsibility to ensurte your kid welfare and prompt collection. he failed to do this

he is at fault
not the departing parents

I have yet to host a party where parents won't be accompaying and my dd is of pre school age, but will take notes for when she is older, and have smaller parties which i can be more in control of. I will definitely rope in a friend or two to help me.

yes i attend and participate in parties.i look out for my kids,cant expect anyone else to be vigilant. esp at school and nursery parties so many kids and siblings milling about

OP just seen your latest post - you need to speak to the parent that you handed your ds over to at the start of the party and left in charge. I would be livid if the same thing happened to ds.

pigletmania agreed if the birthdays boys mum didn't think she was able to watch other peoples kids she should of made it clear parents were to stay, I think it would have been a whole different ball game if the child had been taken or hurt

I wouldn't even allow 10 year olds to leave with out it being clear from the start of the party what was happening

No scottish the child is in loco perentis until the parents come and collect. what if the op had been in an accident or something had happened to her!

So the parents are not there, and you leave them there on their own! nice.

the bulk of responsibility was the late dad,not party host
but when i have parties i expect adults to attend (and i feed and give em wine) but frankly no i dont want the responsibility of an unaccompanied child

There are many legit reasons a parent is late, no excuse to leave a little child on his own no excuse!

maybe they saw your Dhs car coming and that's why they left knowing the last party child was being collected.I find it very very hard to believe that
a) your DH was not much later than he said and
b) anyone would deliberately leave a 5 yo party guest unattended.

I would do the same I think scottish I would have a smaller party but allow parents to stay and ply them with cake and drinks

I found at aged 4 some parents dumped and ran without leaving contact details and leaving other parents to console those children. It took two sets of parents about 5 parties before they finally understood they couldn't dump and run where their children were concerned. Party size tended to be whole year.

At 5 more parents left their dcs. I left ds if he was happy to be left (can't think of an occasion though where that actually happened. Still whole year size.

At 6 everyone dumped and ran unless they wanted to stay or had been asked to stay and help. Whole class size.

At 7 I targetted certain parents to stay and help to comply with adult/child ratios but wouldn't expect anyone to stay. I would expect parents not staying to ensure that I had their correct contact details and I had theirs. Bit less than whole class size.

At 8 I'm hoping we can get down to single digits which will make everything a lot easier!

I did specifically ask if DH should be present, and they said no. It was an organised party ie, the sports hall staff sort out all the games and supervise the bouncy castle etc, all the mums had to do was the food.

Needless to say that I will never leave him at a party by himself again (well not until he is at least nine (would you say?)

I find it odd that in 5 minutes the party parents have collected all their bits, left and another party has started. I do not think they were right to leave him, but I do think your dh was a lot later than 6 minutes, maybe you had the wrong finish time?

i wouldnt leave a 5yo alone at a party.never heard of it either.all parties ive attended 1 parents go too

If it's quite a big venue there could have been a lot of parties going on. Parents may not recognise all the kids, if your ds is 5 I'm guessing they haven't known him for long. They maybe didn't realise at the end that a kid from their party had not been picked up.

Most parties I've hosted or dd has been to there's no formal method of ticking children's names off a list as they're collected. And if you have loads of kids there, plus kids from other parties it can be bedlam.

I bet if you ask the other mother she will be mortified and not have realised what happened.