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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

My five year old was abandoned at an organised party

368 replies

KattyB · 24/07/2011 22:02

My husband took our five year old boy to a birthday party for two of his school friends in the local sports hall yesterday and when he came back to collect him, (five minutes late) all of his friends and their parents had left. There was another party going on afterwards, but my child was, well, abandoned. Not only that, but he actually managed to get outside the hall and was ?waiting for daddy? in the car park.

To say that I am angry is a little bit of an understatement and what could have happened doesn?t bear thinking about.

Don?t know the mums at all well and don?t have their phone numbers ?. Should I 'throw the book' at the venue???? What would you do?

OP posts:

onepieceofcremeegg · 24/07/2011 22:15

I expect the op will be back with more info. :)

onepieceofcremeegg · 24/07/2011 22:16

x-posts.

So they didn't even try to ring you KattyB? Your poor ds.

DialsMavis · 24/07/2011 22:17

They are totally in the wrong and I would definately say something (to the parents). But I di find it surprising that you left your son with people without even having a phone number for them, do you not still have the invite?
I would also double check the times on the invite and whether DH was only 5 mintues late as I don't see how they could have all left in 5 minutes. It is no excuse but you need to have your facts totally right to retain the moral high ground.

pigletmania · 24/07/2011 22:18

My goodness, they should have contacted you. I would be seething, and if anything happened it would be THEM who is responsible.

jimswifein1964 · 24/07/2011 22:18

What does you ds say about it? Did he tell them you/dhwerent there,or did they just disappear? Is it possible he wansdered off outside and/or left with another child, hence they thought he'd been collected?

pigletmania · 24/07/2011 22:19

Even if the op was half an hour late, a young child should not be abandoned. They had her number they should have called her.

iscream · 24/07/2011 22:19

Wow, what a terrible thing for the adults at the party to do. To leave a child alone. They should have waited no matter how late your husband was.

jimswifein1964 · 24/07/2011 22:20

Maybe the 5 mins is explained by the party ending early? Ime, places like pizza express often do, as there is little else to do once you've eaten!

StealthPolarBear · 24/07/2011 22:20

was your dp definitely only 5 mis late? doesn't make it right even if he was half an hour but still

worraliberty · 24/07/2011 22:20

I think it was probably a very bad misunderstanding.

They probably thought your son had been picked up. Perhaps he went and stood outside when all the parents were arriving and they didn't realise.

It's definitely not the fault of the Venue.

I really would use the contact number on the invite and tell the parents what happened.

nolembit · 24/07/2011 22:20

No matter how late a parent was I would never leave a 5 year old alone to wait for his parents to turn up. What if they had been in an accident?

Driftwood999 · 24/07/2011 22:21

You have had a bit of a fright and I understand how upset and angry you must feel. tbh, I think the host parent/s are responsible for this, as surely the onus is on them to be "the last to leave", having seen all their guests off. It was inhospitable and negligent of them imo. I don't think the venu comes into it, beyond providing a safe, secure environment. Just goes to show how different people/families are and they are not to be relied on unless you know them quite well. I would be inclined to mention it, in a rational manner when you next see them. Something along the lines of "we have just about recovered form the terrible fright of seeing our ds in the car park..." wait for the blush, you have the moral high ground. You are at the beginning of a journey, sorting out your ds's "associates" and will be stronger and wiser for this experience. A horrible thing to happen and I know must leave you shaken.

BoysAreLikeDogs · 24/07/2011 22:21

Oh no

I'm wondering if, in the melee of party bags, saying goodbye and general milling around at partys-end, DS managed to get himself swept off, like a cork in a river, out of the building and because he wasn't there in the room/hall, the parents didn't appreciate that he wasn't collected and so went home

exoticfruits · 24/07/2011 22:21

It wasn't the venue-they simply wouldn't know-they don't have lists of DCs or any control. The party giver is seriously at fault-whatever happened they had to stay with your DC until collected. If, for some reason,that was impossible they needed to alert the staff and leave the DC with them.

hocuspontas · 24/07/2011 22:22

It's amazing how we all leave our precious children in the care of other parents who don't necessarily have any idea on how to manage and safeguard 20+ kids! I'm surprised nothing happened to any of mine really considering the scattiness of some of the parents who hosted such parties!

onepieceofcremeegg · 24/07/2011 22:22

misunderstandings can and do happen at this type of venue. That's why I (and most of the parents I know) don't leave children of infant school age without a parent there. (certainly not with a parent who I don't know well enough to even have a phone number). Obviously if a parent deliberately left a young child unattended in a car park, that is wrong.

There are just too many possibilities of things that can go wrong. Possibly the child went to the toilet near the end of the party and no one realised he was there. Possibly they wrongly assumed he had gone off with his dad. Possibly the child saw everyone leaving and got upset, so slipped out with another family while it was busy and went looking for his father?

razzlebathbone · 24/07/2011 22:22

Well someone has fucked up big time. This should not have happened even if your husband was an hour late! Get on to the venue and the parents. I would not rest until you get the full story and find out exactly why this was allowed to happen.

But if nobody had your contact details then what if he'd had an accident or something? It does seem really odd to be leaving him with people you don't know how to contact and vice versa.

exoticfruits · 24/07/2011 22:23

At 5yrs old you don't assume anything-you have to match each DC with parents-or those collecting.

fivegomadindorset · 24/07/2011 22:23

I have been to a soft play centre a number of times this year that the party finishes early and everyone just leaves, leaving the venue to clear up, so could happen.

caughtinanet · 24/07/2011 22:27

If you no longer have the party invite with the contact details on do you have any friends who would be able to pass them on to you.

I too can't believe that everyone had gone within 5 minutes of the finishing time. This in no way excuses abandoning your son but there must be more to this, I just can't see how this happened.

caughtinanet · 24/07/2011 22:27

If you no longer have the party invite with the contact details on do you have any friends who would be able to pass them on to you.

I too can't believe that everyone had gone within 5 minutes of the finishing time. This in no way excuses abandoning your son but there must be more to this, I just can't see how this happened.

pigletmania · 24/07/2011 22:28

That is why I will be accompanying my dd 4.5 to parties until she is in Yr 2-3 (but then again she has possbile ASD) but even so I would still do this as you can never be certain, especially if they are parents that you don't know very well or I would be very close by, if soft play i would be in the cafe there.

Popbiscuit · 24/07/2011 22:29

This MUST have been a misunderstanding? Surely NOBODY would leave a 5 year old on his own? Speak to the parents...definitely their responsibility.

worraliberty · 24/07/2011 22:29

It's amazing how we all leave our precious children in the care of other parents who don't necessarily have any idea on how to manage and safeguard 20+ kids!

I've never done that. Either me or DH would stay, or a parent we're very close to would have stayed.

I've even paid my teenage DS to go and watch his little brother at a sports party.

pigletmania · 24/07/2011 22:29

I do always make a point of keeping party invites safe, and put it in my bag on the day of parties.

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