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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel so resentful when my DP travels with work?

258 replies

Tuppenyrice · 24/07/2011 10:56

He's a musician so he tours. I'm a SAHM who does occasional writing work. We have 3DCs (7 & under) so life is busy.
He's away now and we are rowing a the time because I feel so tired. I don't sleep well so I feel crap in the daytime and find parenting very difficult when this tired. I know it's my job to parent and run the house but if I let off steam surely he could just let it wash over him or tell me what a fab job I'm doing? Or AIBU?
Be gentle.....

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ImperialBlether · 29/07/2011 18:09

[[http://www.holidaywithchildren.co.uk/esprit/childcare/child-care.htm Esprit holidays - lots of clubs for the children, nannies etc! Too far to drive though.]

Original poster
Tuppenyrice · 29/07/2011 20:01

Does my bum look big in this (sumo wrestler suit)?

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Original poster
Tuppenyrice · 29/07/2011 20:21

I've looked on keycamp sites they look ok

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ImperialBlether · 29/07/2011 23:54

Before you book, Tuppenyrice...

My daughter worked as a courier for Keycamp in northern France last year and it rained virtually every day. That will make you feel more depressed!

Wouldn't a flight be easier than driving? Surely it would have to be less stressful.

Original poster
Tuppenyrice · 30/07/2011 09:29

I looked at Mark Warner etc but the flight times were horrendous. Especially with the 18 month old. So we thought just easier to drive to France or Cornwall and hope for the best.
I know what I need is a week in the sun with a book but the headache of getting there/back with young kids put me off. I think if we'd booked earlier perhaps we could've got better flight times....
The Keycamps have great pools too..... But yeah the weather could be rubbish.
I checked out centerparcs but it's cheaper to go to the moon.

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ImperialBlether · 30/07/2011 10:55

I went to Keycamps in Brittany and further south with my children and they had an absolutely fantastic time. I'm not sure they offer any babysitting though. But for your two older children the sense of freedom they have is fantastic - there's so much space there and everyone has kids so they all drive really carefully when on the site.

Not sure it's what you want, though. You'd have to cook a lot of the time - would that be what you want?

When I did it I found it incredibly relaxing, because you're virtually living outdoors for a fortnight. I didn't do it with a baby as young as yours, though.

ImperialBlether · 30/07/2011 18:47

OP, what about this cruise?

No cooking, no travel (you just drive to a local port), tons of children's clubs and babysitting etc.

It might not be the sort of holiday you'd normally go on, but you'd get a lot of free time and no cooking and see lots of lovely places and it's within your budget!

What do you think?

GotArt · 30/07/2011 19:08

I don't have any advice to offer that hasn't already been said. I understand how you feel though. I'm in the same boat. DH works long hours at a job that is his calling and he loves and gets to be with like minded people. I'm a SAHM, (love it, but sometimes sticking needles in my eyes would be better Wink ) that has had unfinished art work sitting in storage for over a year. I do start back to work in September teaching, but when DH told me he is going to Spain for a work trip January, my heart sank in jealousy.

Original poster
Tuppenyrice · 30/07/2011 19:21

Got to do bedtime I'll be back.... x

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LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 30/07/2011 20:23

Hey Tuppenyrice... You sound as if you're moving forward now, you have some ideas of what/where you can go for help and a holiday sounds just the thing! Thinking of you. :)

GeorgeEliot · 30/07/2011 21:05

OP, i just wanted to say i am in a very similar situation to you, it has been going on for years and it does get easier as your dc get older.
The most important thing is to try and get enough sleep, a good night's sleep makes all the difference to your mood. So focus on that first and I'm sure everything else will start to seem better.
Best of luck.

Original poster
Tuppenyrice · 30/07/2011 22:36

Hello all,
Have had a wobbly day. Tried hard to get a break! But difficult. Got tearful and angry earlier as still feel DP not quite getting how frayed my nerves are. He's off at 6.30am for a long day of work tomorrow (will be home late) and I feel anxious at having the 3 DCs all day on my own. There's something harder about the weekends.... I think I'm finally recognising that it's not normal to feel that anxious Sad

Off up bed now. Thank you for your kind thoughts. I know it sounds weird but they mean a lot x

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Original poster
Tuppenyrice · 30/07/2011 22:38

Blimey, just occurred to me that I was quite high earlier then I just sank..... I'm not a bloody manic depressive am I?!!

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ImperialBlether · 30/07/2011 23:51

No, you're not. If you were, your husband wouldn't be leaving you alone with the children.

Can you see it as easier if he goes out for the day, so that you laze about a bit, have a pyjama morning, paddling pool in the afternoon, pizza for dinner? What about a picnic in the park? Basically anything other than cooking and cleaning up!!

Original poster
Tuppenyrice · 31/07/2011 10:23

Really struggling. Crying a lot. The baby keeps crying cos he is bored, wants to go out. Stands at the door with his shoes...,
Other two bickering. Make breakfast, clear up devastation all the while thinking - it's a beautiful day I should be enjoying this. But not. I want them all to leave me alone. DP not back until midnight. Just want to scream at him. But I'm holding on. My mum & nephew are coming over at 3. But even that is stressing me out. I'm really starting to feel pathetic. Sad

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ImperialBlether · 31/07/2011 14:56

I'm sorry you feel so bad. Have you started to take your anti-depressants? They should kick in quite soon and help you feel able to cope.

Do your older two children respond well to bribes? Is there any way you can get them to help with the tidying, with a reward of a cake for tea or something like that?

Don't think your little one is necessarily bored. He's probably just seen his shoes and it's set him off! Did you go out in the end?

Your mum is difficult, isn't she? Is it a good idea seeing her when you're like that? Do you have any sisters or friends who can come round to give you a hand? Is there anyone you know who's a teenager who could be paid to give you a hand every day? They're always after money and tend to have a lot of energy!

I hope you feel better at the end of today than you did at the start. Please take the advice of your doctor and take the medication - it really will make you feel a lot better.

Original poster
Tuppenyrice · 31/07/2011 15:09

I took them all to the park for a bit, met up with neighbours there and had a bit of a cry. Been calmer since.
Yes mum can be a nightmare & bad idea inviting her over but there you go. I'll report back later!
Yes, am looking at help on gumtree and also jobs for me!!
No not collected prescription yet! Blush

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ImperialBlether · 31/07/2011 15:47

OK pick up the prescription tomorrow!

Now did you look at that cruise? I know you probably don't like the sound of them (thinking they're for older people, etc) but these are my reasons!

You can sail from a UK port - just drive down to Dover or wherever and get on the ship there

You won't have to cook anything for the length of time you're on it

You won't have to do any housework

There are babysitters on board

There are children's clubs so the kids will be happy

You will have a lot of time to yourself

You don't have to do any of that dressing up for the captain nonsense - they always have buffets you can go to where you don't have to dress up

You can sit out on deck in the evening with a gin and tonic in your hand and your notebook and you can make plans for your next novel!

Seriously consider this. With any other holiday you will have to compromise, eg on travelling, cooking, cleaning, babysitting, children's clubs etc.

Original poster
Tuppenyrice · 31/07/2011 16:31

I will have a proper look but honestly can't see DP going for it. He's quite hyper! X

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ImperialBlether · 31/07/2011 17:36

Sometimes, it's not just about him, in my opinion.

Original poster
Tuppenyrice · 31/07/2011 18:30

I totally agree but if he is coming with me not looking at a grumpy face all week!!

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ImperialBlether · 31/07/2011 19:25

OK let's look at this logically.

What would be his top 5 priorities on a holiday?

What would be your top 5 priorities on a holiday?

What would be your children's top 5 priorities on a holiday?

Original poster
Tuppenyrice · 31/07/2011 19:29

Me: my kids having fun with us and other children, activities for 7 yo.
A rest. Quiet time without children. A meal or 2 without kids. Sleep. Time to read. Time with DP.

DP: time with kids. God knows what else.

Kids: swimming, space, other kids to play with.

Not that bothered about heat.

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ImperialBlether · 31/07/2011 20:27

The problem is the babysitting, isn't it?

A villa or cottage is no good because there wouldn't be anyone that you knew you could trust.

A camp site wouldn't have babysitters either. I know when my daughter worked for Keycamp they were never asked to babysit and I doubt they would have if asked because the children wouldn't have known them.

A hotel would be nice - did you look up any of those links?

The only reason I mentioned the cruises is that several of my friends at work with young children go on them and really enjoy them. They're not the sort of thing I would go on myself but they would tick the boxes for you. Big enough for your DH to go for a run on them, too! I can understand your reluctance, but would hate to see you go without a holiday, or go on a holiday where it's hard work with the children (cooking all the damn time, etc.) Some holidays, it's easier to stay at home.

Why not ask your DH for suggestions? I know he's busy, but thinking of a holiday won't kill him!

Original poster
Tuppenyrice · 31/07/2011 22:02

Yes I looked at those links but they had no availability for usSad
My DP recently admitted he wasn't that bothered about a holiday but I think he needs one. He is a workaholic.
I shall discuss the cruise. Although he is away tonight Angry

Strange day. My mum tried for about 5 minutes to be caring and concerned then told me how much she paid for the clothes shed bought my DS. Hmm
I solved that irritation with a nice glass of White.

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