to not understand when people don't have compassion for addicts

[badlydrawngirl]

Hello. First post from a lurker.

The untimely & tragic death today of Amy Winehouse has sparked the usual flurry of comments on messageboards, twitter etc from people saying they have no sympathy, no respect or compassion towards an addict. They're somehow seen as subhuman and/or abhorrent, and over-risingly, that they chose to be an addict, they chose to end up in that state.

I was an addict, it's such an awful state to be in I really thought at one point that suicide would be my only way out. I really really didn't chose to end up feeling like that, I didn't even notic it happening!! It was a slow slippery slope downwards (cliché I know, but so true) and before I even recognised what was happening to me, it was too late - I was well & truly in the depths of it.

After a few unsuccesful attempts to cut down/stop I started to get scared, realising only then the grip I was in. I changed, I was horrible, I was dirty and immoral and put my friends & family through hell - it's only a testament to them that they're still in my life today.

Then with that came the crippling guilt, the anxiety, the hopelessness, the suicidal thoughts. I couldnt live with what I had done to my loved ones. All the things I was doing went against the very core of my being, I hated myself.

Saying "well they could just stop" is kind of like addiction denial. If you recognise the fact that there's such a thing as addiction, then surely you must understand the nature of what that means?

I certainly feel very saddened at Amy's death, there but for the grace of god goes anyone of us, our friends, our family, our chidlren.

PopsicleKat, you can still help people but lack compassion for them.

Some people raise the children of addicts because they are too ill (self-inflicted illness)to do it themselves. This is the position I'm in, myself and husband lack compassion, we grumble behind the scenes, but face to face we are compassionate. I know my husband has a massive lack of compassion for people who are ill through lifelong smoking.

I have compassion for the addicts families and the hell they put them through.

But when people are "helped" as often as Amy Winehouse was only to do it all over again, I think leave them to it and the hell with it all. There only so much help you can give someone. If they wont stop doing it, leave them to it but I don't have any sympathy.

greencolorpack - but you don't lack compassion for the people you're helping, presumably (the children), even if you aren't sympathetic with their parents.

As it has been said, addicts can recover - but if everyone had this attitude of "well, it's your own fault for taking drugs/alcohol/etc in the first place you stupid cow so fuck off and stop cluttering up my street" then it's hard to imagine anyone managing to recover. You have to believe that you're actually worth something if you're ever going to break out of such a self-destructive pattern, and a bit of basic human compassion and understanding can go a long way towards achieving that.

Good point. I've never been that close to anyone who has problems like this as far as I know so my compassion muscles are yet to be flexed, apart from of course the smoking issue.

No one knows what has gone on in the life of others, people's lives may have seemed dandy, but many times that is part of the problem.

When I worked in a residential teen rehab, some of the stories I heard were unbelievable, horrific and I had a massive learning curve about making assumptions and the the myths associated with addicts. (Talking purely heroin here)
Some of the children I worked with (all were under 18) were 3rd generation addicts,
Some had been pimped out and prostituted at 10 year old to earn money to feed their parents addiction, some had been injected by their parents,
what chance did they have, what choice did they have, Some had run away into a life of stealing and prostitution just to survive.
Each and everyone without exception had a different harrowing story to tell. But still when they came to us it was about helping them to recover and then with a clear mind make the right choices. Some did, some could not and could never live within a normal life because they feared it more than the drug induced nothingness they had come to trust.
It is about choices, but that will only work once the addiction has been dealt with.
Some , some were never given the choice in the first place.

I know this does not cover all scenarios and I am not sure what point I am trying to make other than every story is different.
Whatever Amys reasons for remaining addicted were, we will probably never know, but what we can all know and understand is that her family and those that loved her are grieving in the same way that any of us would grieve when losing a loved one. It does not come into it why she died, she has died, she has gone and her family loved her and will miss her.
Why can that not be respected, why do people have to pick all the flesh from the bones of a corpse not yet cold.
Its sick and it saddens me that the public think, believe or assume its ok to do this because she was a celebrity.
She was a celebrity not public property.

4 years of being a member of MN and have never ever felt the urge to cancel in my membership before.I despair at the judgemental ignorance and smugness protrayed here. It is possible to be addicted to tobacco for example, and still be a completely selfless individual who dedicates their entire existence to caring for the most vulnerable members of society. Your can drink too much on a regular basis and still not destroy the lives of your loved ones. Some people even manage to use illegal drugs without killing themselves or others.

It's the self-loathing here that is so distressing to witness. Along with the utterly unrealistic expectations of perfection, the belief that following these rules to the letter will lead to a perfect life and the complete damnation of anyone who deviates from the path of rectitude.

Don't even start me on the lack of compassion and utter stupidity about how people "different" to the norm are forced to live their lives. Walk a mile ladies, just walk a mile in the shoes of others.

Walked the mile......................husband addicted............support for 7 years from me......................ended up verbally abused...........lost home...........marriage breakup...................a child of 3 with no father...............mind bending psycholocial abuse for my child with the " I have no friends crap but I love you"..............yes visit daddy and watch him take dope with friends who stick needles in their arms. Result you ask?.........years of abuse and mental torment that you NEVER forget and I wasnt the addict. Child? .............harming herself due to guilt that she cant help her daddy, that her daddy has no one, that her daddy would yell at her saying the excuse he was like that was because I left him. NOPE no sympathy and no compasion. Amy Winehouse? dont know her personally so no actual feelings either way but sympathy for her family definately.

'By law, someone with schizophrenia or other psychosis is not responsible for themselves or crimes they commit'

Which law is this?

'Also, people who have schizophrenia cannot be blamed for not taking medication because part of their disorder involves not realising they are unwell .. a classic symptom is them having no insight into their condition.'

This is only rarely the case. Most people who stop taking their medication, like my friend, know they are unwell. They stop taking it because they find the side-effects unbearable.

And, if putting drugs before family, friends, food or a roof over your head is not disordered thinking I don't know what is.

Choosing to detox is not the simple decision it should be. Waiting lists for treatment are massive and, unless the addicted person has the resources and support to completely change their life circumstances - i.e. move away to a new area and start again, no contact with their old using friends etc., it's unlikely to be successful in the long term.

plentyofpubgardens

your last paragraph ....spot on!!
As I said in my previous post, I worked in a residential rehab for teens.We could only take clients from "out of area" as if we took anyone within a thirty mile radius it was too risky for them to abscond and then return with a stash of drugs from local dealers.

Oh and I now work in MH and ditto your first statement.

The myths and stigma surrounding people with poor or enduring MH issues/problems/illnesses is quite staggering considering we live in an enlightened age and information is more readily accessable via the net etc...

I am astounded at the assumptions and judgments I have read on here and other forums , not just about Amy but about M/H illness in general.

Re insight.. it is one of the diagnostic features of psychosis to have no insight, so not rarely the case at all
anecdotal evidence not enough.

Disordered thinking is abnormal thinking such as believing you are connected to God thru the TV remote.
HTH

Used to be thought to be the case, Blethermouse - discussed this on recent MH first-aid course. It's been dropped.

what has ?
genuine question

In my experience it's more of a mixture of stopping because of side effects, stopping because of recovering and feeling well enough to, and stopping because of an unusual or delusional belief system (i.e. this medication is actually poison etc). Not starting medication or not seeking help can, and is, absolutely a common feature of the early stages of psychotic illness, and also some mood disorders.

I think you're both right!

YANBU, I completely agree. Some of the opinions offered by otherwise sensible people are shocking when it is about something that is deemed to be ones 'own fault'

lack of insight as a diagnostic feature. Obviously it happens sometimes, at some stages of illness, but it was felt to be a heads-I-win, tails-you-lose sort of a thing.

Not sure the belief the medication is poison is entirely delusional. Even the newer antipsychotics can have really unpleasant side effects.

Totally agree - I mean the more complex system of belief rather than the entirely rational concern about EPSE and other side effects :-)

Ok, aside from mental illness, PTSD, wanting a high- many addicts- like amy I suspect- are easily led. They're desperate to be liked, popular, accepted. Doesn't that deserve sympathy too? How can you change your personality?