to not understand when people don't have compassion for addicts

[badlydrawngirl]

Hello. First post from a lurker.

The untimely & tragic death today of Amy Winehouse has sparked the usual flurry of comments on messageboards, twitter etc from people saying they have no sympathy, no respect or compassion towards an addict. They're somehow seen as subhuman and/or abhorrent, and over-risingly, that they chose to be an addict, they chose to end up in that state.

I was an addict, it's such an awful state to be in I really thought at one point that suicide would be my only way out. I really really didn't chose to end up feeling like that, I didn't even notic it happening!! It was a slow slippery slope downwards (cliché I know, but so true) and before I even recognised what was happening to me, it was too late - I was well & truly in the depths of it.

After a few unsuccesful attempts to cut down/stop I started to get scared, realising only then the grip I was in. I changed, I was horrible, I was dirty and immoral and put my friends & family through hell - it's only a testament to them that they're still in my life today.

Then with that came the crippling guilt, the anxiety, the hopelessness, the suicidal thoughts. I couldnt live with what I had done to my loved ones. All the things I was doing went against the very core of my being, I hated myself.

Saying "well they could just stop" is kind of like addiction denial. If you recognise the fact that there's such a thing as addiction, then surely you must understand the nature of what that means?

I certainly feel very saddened at Amy's death, there but for the grace of god goes anyone of us, our friends, our family, our chidlren.

I am not saying anyone deserves to die because of their addiction. What I am saying is that, for me, I don't have compassion for them. Only for their families and everyone else affected by their addiction. Their choices lead to consequences for so many more people other than themselves.

I know a fair bit about LOTM also. I know she takes a dim view of people who do not buy their food from a farm shop, even if they cannot afford to. Same with people who feed their kids processed food. I don't think she likes the gays very much, due to her religious preferences. She is apparently very intelligent and thinks that you are scum if you do not exclusively read the classics. I also now know that she has little time for addicts, quelle surprise, or in trying to understand a tiny bit why people might become one... I have had a few chuckles with her in the past and she can be very funny when she wants to be, but her superiority grates on me. As she knows...

OH YEAH, this is totally relevant. I worked with a girl who is now a skag addict. She is a well-known face in my town. She begs for change and apparently lives in a squat. I also know the reason that she became an addict: to blot out the memory of her mum and sister dying in a house fire that she escaped from. I suppose she is more deserving of your scorn than any other addict, since she had every opportunity available to her but chose that route instead.

YANBU - some of the comments I've seen have been just plain nasty.
I know some addicts have done some terrible things - it's part the nature of addiction but all addicts need support to get out of the hole they're in and leaving them there because they've done something bad helps no one.

I got burgled by an addict last year.

Am I meant to despise him for what he did? I despise WHAT he did; I feel fecking sorry for him because of the state of his life, his health, his existence. I feel lucky that's not me or anyone in my family.

He's just a young man with nothing but drug addiction to define himself by.

Bloody tragic.

That's very big of you, LineRunner. It's reassuring to know that there are people compassionate enough to detach an addict's actions from the addict as an individual. He didn't want to burgle your house, it was a need.

That, right there, is a civilised, decent person.

But what about the people who see their families die in house fires and DON'T turn to drugs? Do they not deserve compassion?

This will go around and around in circles; as there's some foundations that people simply don't agree on. I don't believe a drug habit is for the mentally ill, I think anyone can take drugs and become an addict. That does not mean I feel sorry for them.

There are millions of people suffering every single day with mental health issues who CHOOSE not to turn to illegal substances, who CHOOSE to get help from elsewhere; I have compassion for these people. I have a deep compassion for homeless people, but not for those who are offered help (clean needle scheme etc) and refuse it-they're merely keeping themselves there, and to be honest there are other parts of society who are less self rewarding who need the time, funding, attention and sympathy.

They BOTH deserve compassion. Do you honestly think that people choose drugs, dirty drugs especially, because their lives are just dandy? Right, there are people that don't choose drugs but then there are people that are weaker, more vulnerable than others. We are not all the same, we don't all operate on the same mental level. Some people end up addicted to food, some end up addicted to shopping, some end up addicted to sex. To say "well there ARE people who DON'T become addicts" is a stupid and dead argument.

TBH, I can extend my compassion to people who have problems that don't involve drugs and people who do. I don't give my sympathy/empathy out on a point-scoring system. I see people having a shit time of it in life, I feel sad for them. When I reach the end of my days I think I'll feel more at peace with myself knowing that I wasn't a right dickhead about those less fortunate than me.

"CupcakesandTwunting Sun 24-Jul-11 21:04:49
They BOTH deserve compassion. Do you honestly think that people choose drugs, dirty drugs especially, because their lives are just dandy?"

Yes, some people do.

I feel really sorry for Amy Winehouse and her family. The fact that she has died is really tragic.

That said, drug addicts can have a very detrimental effect on the population. When I was 12, a drug addict broke into my bedroom, smashing my window, blood everywhere etc. Actually I had nothing to steal so he then went to my brother's bedroom and took stuff from there. About £5 worth, if that. It wasn't the stuff, it was the horror of the break in and every night I spent in that room for the following 7 years, I was frightened. I only slept with less fear (not without fear) when we moved 7 years after the break in. It is all very well for someone to sit back in safety and say that people who judge drug addicts are ignorant/nasty etc - but you have to accept that drug addicts can cause terrible damage/death to other people and frighten them.

Most addicts I've met (rather a lot) use clean needle schemes and are very grateful for them. That won't get people off drugs though, just help prevent them getting horrible diseases on top of their addiction problems.

OK, LOTM. Empathy isn't your strong point. Understood.

greycircles no-one is denying that addicts do damage. We know this. It's just that some of us believe that living in a civilised society involves not sneering down your nose at those in a bad situation.

I like you though Cupcakes.

Let me rub your forehead better.

See, I can do empathy. Now fuck off and stop picking on me.

Get your hands off me, you miserable old trout.

.

And all is normal in the insane world of MN.

I actually think it would be very easy to become an addict. There were so many times I was offered drugs as a teenager. I never said I wanted them. I had them pushed on me - sometimes from older people who should have known better. I don't recall a whole lot of people thinking I did the right thing by saying no or excusing myself from situations.

I can't imagine how awful it must be to feed a habit. To crave a substance.
To have your reward pathway rewired that you damage yourself and your loved ones and random strangers to feed a habit.

Someone I spoke to once said that at least when they were off their face they forgot about the abuse they had suffered .
Life isn't always as black and white as some posters would like to believe.

I took drugs when I was younger. Mainly speed and hash. Because I don't have an addictive personality, I could give up no problem even though I was dropping a huge wrap of whizz most weekends.

I took them to fit in. Nothing more sinister than that, really. Youth and availability were the only reasons. Could've so easily gone tits up for me, though. One of the boys I used to hang about with is 37 and addicted to ecstasy. He takes pills before work. Addictive personality, see? We both started off on the same path. Very different outcomes. He is also a manic-depressive. :(

I was lucky that none of my peer group was into drugs when I was very young so was never really tempted (we were the good girls). I would love to experience them though, but was worried I'd either like it too much and that old addictive gene I think I might have might kick in or I'd be one of the unlucky ones that takes a dodgy one or has a bad reaction. I like alcohol too much though try to keep it controlled - if things suddenly went shit in my life, it could be very tempting to lose that control a little - and don't I know it.

www.heatworld.com/Celeb-News/2011/07/Read-Russell-Brands-moving-tribute-to-Amy-Winehouse-in-full/

www.heatworld.com/Celeb-News/2011/07/Read-Russell-Brands-moving-tribute-to-Amy-Winehouse-in-full/

Only illegal drug I've tried is hash, didn't do much for me, especially as I hate smoking - I'd rather have a drink.

""CupcakesandTwunting
They BOTH deserve compassion. Do you honestly think that people choose drugs, dirty drugs especially, because their lives are just dandy?"

You do speak a lot of sense to a point but please - of course there are people who choose to take drugs and not have a history of abuse/trauma/mental health problems. They choose it because they are looking for their next high, a way of feeling good. There is a difference between having compassion with someone who takes drugs because of their circumanstances to the other end of the scale which Ive seen a lot here that seems to negate personal responsibility at all.

Once you have schizphrenia you have it for life, all beit that it can be controlled with medication. You do not need to be an addict for life.

By law, someone with schizophrenia or other psychosis is not responsible for themselves or crimes they commit.. addicts are. Because addicts have a choice and do not have disordered cognition. Its a pychological problem but not a mental health disorder of the same severity as the psychoses. Addiction can be psychological,physical or both. But even in physical addiction they have normal cognition and so can choose to detox.
I may have compassion for someone who commits murder, because they are obviously in a very bad place with a history of poor upbringing/abuse or whatever. However I still don't excuse it or think it a good thing.
What about someone who suffered childhood sexual abuse who then goes on to rape and murder a child... I may feel compassion for their ruined life if I try very hard but if we are to maintain standards in society we have to judge right from wrong at the same time understanding why it all went so wrong .

Also, people who have schizophrenia cannot be blamed for not taking medication because part of their disorder involves not realising they are unwell .. a classic symptom is them having no insight into their condition.
The nature of the illnesses schizophrenia and manic depression / bipolar involve abnormal thinking patterns and beliefs.

I lack compassion because I've read the books of a few addicts and they appear to be people for whom everything comes easy, they come from loving stable homes with soft touch mums, dads, grandparents, and because they know that lovely safety net is there they selfishly throw themselves into taking drugs or whatever. And then the parents and family are there to pick up the pieces on the other side - like Amy Winehouse's family, aching to help her in every way. The celeb book I'm thinking of is Russell Brand, and i respect the way he's sorted his life out.

I come from a family who cut me loose emotionally and financially at a young age, who act very much like they couldn't give a stuff whether I do well in life or flounder, therefore I've never felt "safe" enough to indulge an illegal habit. I've never experimented with drugs. I don't see my parents giving two hoots about me, whether I'm upstanding or if I'm in the gutter, therefore I look after myself. And therefore I lack compassion.

I know I'm overgeneralising, and I know people must be addicts who aren't from loving soft-touch homes, but that's just the nature of my irrational lack of compassion.

Everyone has done things they shouldn't. Everyone has done things that aren't good for them, everyone has made poor decisions.

Some people are able to do things - like drink alcohol, smoke weed, go shopping, eat junk food, diet, or whatever - without becoming dependent on it and having it take over them. Others aren't so fortunate, for all sorts of reasons, and get in far far deeper than they ever would have imagined.

It does not necessarily mean that they are stupid, and what a piss poor world it would be if we turned our backs in disgust on everyone who needs help because they made a mistake.