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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to want to strangle women who...

167 replies

GenevieveHawkings · 20/07/2011 13:45

...bring little toddlers to school assemblies and bring nothing along to amuse/distract them with?

I have just been to my DS's leavers assembly and had it ruined by two toddlers who variously cried/whinged/whined/yelled throughout. It's not the children's fault - it went on for well over 2 hours as they went through 50 + children so they were bound to get bored. The mothers of these children just kept them on their laps and tried to contain them as they wrigged and squirmed and got ever more impatient and upset - and demonstrated it very vocally!

One woman's partner did take their child out of the hall and into the corridor at one point but it bellowed so loudly for its mother out there he might just as well not have bothered.

I can understand that they didn't want to miss their own child being done by either not attending or taking a bored toddler outside to allow everyone else the chance to enjoy it but these women didn't even have the courtesy to leave after their own children had been done. They made sure they stayed until the bitter end and ruined it for everyone else!

Don't most sensible people take a few bits to keep a child amused if they know they are going somewhere where a child needs to be as quiet as possible and may become bored and/or a nuisance?

All these women seemed to do to keep their children quiet was to try and keep ramming food into their mouths and doing this seemed to anger and frustrate these children all the more!

Having said that, there was one little girl there who looked about 2 and she was as quiet as a mouse the whole time, she spent some of the time on her mum's lap and the rest in her buggy.

OP posts:

jellybeans · 23/07/2011 00:27

Well if they are seriously screaming or continually VERY noisy that distraction isn't doing much for, I agree they should probably be taken out at that point for the sake of others/the kids in the play. But normal chatter etc. is fine. I never got to enjoy my kids plays when taking toddlers as spent so long trying to keep them quiet. I usually try to stand near a doorway so I can exit quickly!

inatrance · 23/07/2011 01:11

Completely agree with the OP and everyone who has the manners to take out their child if he or she were crying or being very loud at an event like this. I find it shocking that people would think it acceptable to ruin the enjoyment for everyone else there!

I think it's people doing this that is the reason for a blanket ban on under 5's in some schools, which is completely unfair on the parents who do have the decency to take their child outside.

Not taking them outside is unfair on everyone, the leavers, the parents and the toddler themselves if they are bored.

I would have no problem with said toddler somewhere like public transport etc, but in situations like this it definitely warrants the manners to respect others enjoyment of the event.

bonkers20 · 23/07/2011 06:55

NestaFiesta Really? You would not be able to find someone to care for your toddler for an event which must have been in the school calender for weeks if not months?

I feel quite sorry for these older DSs who are lumbered with having to fight for attention from their parents who are attending to a howling 2yo.

I am NOT getting at people who really can't leave their toddlers (SN, illness, plans falling through).

As for getting them used to how to behave in social environments. I could not agree more that they need this, but your older child's leaving assembly is NOT the place!

bonkers20 · 23/07/2011 06:59

I really don't get the no childcare thing. By year 6 parents have been going up to the school for maybe 7 years. It's rather sad that there are people who would not have a single parent they could ask to mind their toddler for a couple of hours. Of course I know you couldn't ask the year 6 parents because they'd also be at the assembly. I can see that it happens though, I just think it's a sad indication of our society - that for some people it really isn't a "school community".

notbestpleased · 23/07/2011 07:14

YABU..get a set of ear plugs.

A woman on a train told me to shut my child up( he was 2 at the time, he was pointing at ducks on a picture, so I politely told her to sit down and shut herself up...some people are so intollerant of young children

mathanxiety · 23/07/2011 07:28

Two hours???

I've been to high school graduations in the US where over 800 students filed into their seats in the gymnasium along with teachers, and individually received their diplomas, along with much speechifying by Principal, Chairperson of the Board of Education, and the individuals who graduated top of the class, and they didn't take TWO HOURS.

I have been in the unenviable position of having absolutely no-one to leave a toddler with for a two hour stretch during school hours (living abroad, no relatives, no neighbour available that I could foist a toddler on, and absolutely no daytime babysitters) and my solution was to sit way at the back or near the exit, bring lots and lots of stuff for the small child to do and eat and drink, and hope for the best. As long as the older DCs could see a photo or two afterwards they were happy, and I often asked a friend in the awards ceremony to take a few pictures for me if I had to duck out. I ducked out a lot. For events in the evening, I hired a teenager to babysit.

Maybe I am a bit less worried about lasting damage to the psyches of the older ones as I have 5 DCs and they all got used to sharing me and my attention from their earliest days. I went to a primary school that never had any kind of awards assemblies or graduations myself.

exoticfruits · 23/07/2011 07:43

The selfish ones spoil it for the rest-if you don't take the noisy toddler out they ban all toddlers-such a shame.

bonkers20 · 23/07/2011 08:09

notbest there is a massive difference in taking a toddler on a train to taking them to a school performance.

exoticfruits · 23/07/2011 08:56

You couldn't take them to a children's performance at the theatre and let them drown it out. A train is a bit different.

altinkum · 23/07/2011 08:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ragged · 23/07/2011 09:19

Just remembered my university graduation ceremony, which was in two parts, including one where I had to give a speech (gulp!!) and the bigger bit with 4000-6000 of us and important people giving speeches & rest of us standing or cheering at intervals, and we only just about filled up a full 2 hours with all that. Was far less time take up for my PhD grad ceremony (with the undergrads, but much smaller Uni this time).

I actually am in the yanbu camp if OP dropped the strangling part.... disruptive children need to be removed & that's all OP was asking for, really, but then again, a little tolerance goes a long way...

Friend mentioned that her 3yo sat nicely thru almost 90 min. of her child's leaving assembly yesterday.

I have very clingy toddlers and it's always been difficult to find anyone they'd comfortably stay with.

ragged · 23/07/2011 09:21

By year 6 parents have been going up to the school for maybe 7 years.

Not if your child transferred in later. Not if your child was unpopular or you yourself are; not if the mates you do have, have their own commitments elsewhere. In fact, the parents you'll know best will probably also want to attend the same leaving ceremony!

bonkers20 · 23/07/2011 13:27

ragged Of course I appreciate that not ALL parents have been going up to the school for 7 years. I said maybe. However, I'd hazard a guess that the issue is not that most people CANNOT find a sitter it's that they choose not to and think it's fine to bring their toddler.

NestaFiesta · 23/07/2011 13:29

NestaFiesta Really? You would not be able to find someone to care for your toddler for an event which must have been in the school calender for weeks if not months?

Yes really bonkers. I can occasionally get a sitter for an evening. That's about it. It's not weird or unusual. There are lots of people like me who don't have their Mum living nearby or who can't just hire childminders on a casual hour by hour basis. I don't know why people find this so surprising.

Since I take DC2 OUT if he is noisy (and he's generally a quiet little boy), I don't see why I should leave him with a sitter as long as I am being considerate and am ready to remove him immediately if he disturbs anyone.

bonkers20 · 23/07/2011 13:53

I'm sorry. Yes, I do find it surprising and rather sad (I don't mean that in a patronising way). I don't have my Mum nearby nor do I have childminders, but I do have a few close friends that I trust.

I am glad you are considerate. It's a shame that the toddlers who ARE able to sit quietly or have parents willing to remove them quickly are now banned from many such events.

PumpkinBones · 23/07/2011 15:17

WHen did they start doing all these mad ceremonies for leaving middle school?! WHen I left, you had a special assembly - no parents - where the leaving class sang a special song, and a disco. When DS1 left nursery - nursery! - last year, there was an hour long presentation,

notbestpleased · 23/07/2011 20:46

Bonkers...there may be differences but the attitudes of some people remain the same!!

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