Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want to strangle women who...

167 replies

GenevieveHawkings · 20/07/2011 13:45

...bring little toddlers to school assemblies and bring nothing along to amuse/distract them with?

I have just been to my DS's leavers assembly and had it ruined by two toddlers who variously cried/whinged/whined/yelled throughout. It's not the children's fault - it went on for well over 2 hours as they went through 50 + children so they were bound to get bored. The mothers of these children just kept them on their laps and tried to contain them as they wrigged and squirmed and got ever more impatient and upset - and demonstrated it very vocally!

One woman's partner did take their child out of the hall and into the corridor at one point but it bellowed so loudly for its mother out there he might just as well not have bothered.

I can understand that they didn't want to miss their own child being done by either not attending or taking a bored toddler outside to allow everyone else the chance to enjoy it but these women didn't even have the courtesy to leave after their own children had been done. They made sure they stayed until the bitter end and ruined it for everyone else!

Don't most sensible people take a few bits to keep a child amused if they know they are going somewhere where a child needs to be as quiet as possible and may become bored and/or a nuisance?

All these women seemed to do to keep their children quiet was to try and keep ramming food into their mouths and doing this seemed to anger and frustrate these children all the more!

Having said that, there was one little girl there who looked about 2 and she was as quiet as a mouse the whole time, she spent some of the time on her mum's lap and the rest in her buggy.

OP posts:
exoticfruits · 22/07/2011 08:24

That simply isn't true Ormirian-many get upset. They don't mind the occasional noise but not continual.

exoticfruits · 22/07/2011 08:25

Parents who have found someone to look after their toddler understandably get annoyed with the selfish ones who don't even take them out.

Ormirian · 22/07/2011 08:27

Well maybe we've never had continual noise. But when DD's friends little sister stood up and 'sang' all throughout 'We could have been anything that we wanted to be' at yr6's Bugsy Malone last year they all though it was really funny and waved at her. I guess it depends how seriously they take it. It was a pretty amazing performance too but from the stage the noise one toddler made was pretty irrelevant.

hazeyjane · 22/07/2011 08:46

Oh FGS, everyone can access childcare. What a load of bloody nonsense.

If you could please find someone to look after 1 yr old ds for a short while (who doesn't mind the fact that he will scream constantly) then I would be hugely grateful.

I did take dd2 and ds to a concert that dd1 was singing in the other week. There were lots of toddlers and babies there and no one seemed to bothered when they made a fuss. We did leave half way through because dd2 started shouting, 'I'm tired now' and ds was desperate to sleep, but I felt bad leaving, especially as half the audience seemed to take it as a cue to leave too!

saladsandwich · 22/07/2011 09:21

the day was about school leavers - do the ones with younger siblings not deserve their parents and family there? would much rather as many parents can go to things tbh

CardyMow · 22/07/2011 09:23

I missed DD's first ever christmas play when she was in Reception because her school had a 'no pre-schoolers' rule, and I had a 7 day old baby that was bf, so couldn't be left. She is 13 yo now, and I am still filled with sadness that I wasn't allowed to see her first nativity.

The DS's current school had a 'graduation from Infants' ceremony a week ago, and I took DS3 with me to see DS2 graduate from Infants. I am a single mum, and DS2 would have literally been crying through the whole ceremony if I had not been there as twunt of an ex wont take time off work.

There were 90 children to get through in his year group, each presentation was about a minute and a half long, I managed to keep a 5 month old baby quiet. A book, a bf, and jiggling on my knee. Granted I did take him outside about 10 minutes from the end as he was getting a bit noisy - but I wanted to see all my friends' dc as well, as these are dc that I have known since they were babies.

Not everyone has the same amount of consideration for others, but does that mean that the ones who have should be tarred with the same brush, and a blanket ban on young dc applied? In our school, if a pre-schooler/ baby is being too noisy during a play, one of the teachers will ask the parent to take them out. Thus solving all the problems in one fell swoop.

LO's allowed, but must be taken out if teacher asks.

2BoysTooLoud · 22/07/2011 09:44

2hours far too bloody long for assembly especially on horrible hard chairs. I would expire let alone a toddler.
I have horribly fidgety just 2 year old. No buggy rule for last FAMILY certificate assembly. About half an hour of trying to keep fidgety child on knee [in back row by the door]. Left 10 mins before end.
I would not be prepared to pay for childcare as broke. Anyone else who might have helped was in 'whole school assembly'. Had lovely mum next to me who toddler fascinated by which helped.
For special class assembly where performances etc taking place toddlers not allowed. Free creche provided when nativity.
School being unreasonable for having 2 hour assembly...

NestaFiesta · 22/07/2011 09:45

There's a middle ground here. IMO, toddlers should not be banned. Not only were all our babies toddlers, but we ourselves were annoying toddlers once. Let's have some tolerance OP. It's a sad day when schools themselves start banning young children. And NO, not everyone can get childcare! It's not that easy! My mum and sister live abroad, I have an elderly father and a husband who works full time. Where do I get a trusted babysitter from who doesn't work and is free and trustworthy? Please do tell me.

Secondly , to the OP- if you state that anyone who disagrees with you is unreasonable you will get people's backs up.

Thirdly, this is the middle ground bit. If like me, you have a toddler, sit at the back by the door so that when the snacks/quiet toys/drinks run out, you can discreetly take them out somewhere quiet, whilst hoping it's not during the bit where your other DC is about to perform/be on stage. A bit of babbling never hurt, full on screaming and crying should be discreetly removed until calmer. Total exclusion is not the answer though.

GiddyPickle · 22/07/2011 10:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

noddyholder · 22/07/2011 10:14

I think yabvu. Its all about kids even the ones who cry and mess around. These are the things you remember years later not who sang like charlotte church. Chill out!

notso · 22/07/2011 10:20

I took 7 month old DS2 to DD's leaver service, my Mum was supposed to have him but she had to work late so I didn't have time to arrange anyone else.
I sat right at the back near the open door so I could make a quick escape thankfully he only "da da da'd" at the end or her song, he did do an almighty fart when the head said "let us pray" though which made everybody laugh Blush

Our school does usually have a creche for toddlers but not under ones.

I do think it is unfair if your child has worked hard learning lines, you have taken time off work and you miss their one little bit because someone can't be bothered to take their toddler out.
I also think that parents who sit with a big paparazzi style cameras flashing every ten seconds should be banned,
and parents who bring loud rustly, sweets,
and people who talk in loud whispers once their child has done their bit,
and parents who queue for two hours to sit in the front row then block everyones view with a camcorder

ScarletOHaHa · 22/07/2011 10:23

YANBU _ agree with OP here too.

A recent group meeting with new class teacher was cut short because 2 selfish families would not/ could not control their feral children. As both parents were there, one should have left the room with their toddler.

I was sat in front of one of these families at the leaving assembly. The young child repeatedly kicked me. When I turned around, both parents rolled their eyes and shrugged - moved chairs. Clueless.

Also it does tend to be the female parent at daytime events.

notso · 22/07/2011 10:23

end of her song

GiddyPickle · 22/07/2011 10:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ScarletOHaHa · 22/07/2011 10:32

notso that really made me laugh.

I agree with all points raised and would like to join your virtual PTA.

noddyholder · 22/07/2011 10:32

Giddy in the grand scheme of life you are getting this hugely out of proportion! there will be plenty of other milestones as your child goes through school which will be less mixed and in secondary school this whole type of day is largely absent and believe me a lot of the parents miss it screaming and all!

ScarletOHaHa · 22/07/2011 10:35

It is NOT about the children that cry and mess about.

'Aw they are just being kids' - translates as I can't be arsed to look after my child and let them do what they want for an easy life; hard cheese if you have taken a day off work and your child is upset.

paisleyII · 22/07/2011 10:53

notso - spot on, couldn't agree with you more especially re camcorder comment. actually, i have had a change of heart, i just got back from dd's end of year bash. thee was the most welbehaved cute little kid who sat, literally without even wriggling, on her mums lap the whole time, the only time i heard her say anything was a quiet whisper to her mum and her mum hadn't brought anything with her to distract the little girl. my point it that it is ok if kids come BUT if the child gets bored and starts making a scene then the parent gets off their fat arse and takes it outside, simple. this child was so well behaved although quite unusual. i think there is alot of right on/laziness with alot of mothers these days, would explain the lack of simple basic manners in so many children these days, all boils down to laziness

revolutionscoop · 22/07/2011 10:55

Did op ever answer the question about how many dc she has?

notso · 22/07/2011 10:55

Thankyou Scarlet my attempts at virtual PTA are already 100% more sucessful than in RL.

Totally agree re Kids being kids, same as 'boys will be boys' translates as yes my son can kick shit out of yours and all I can do is roll my eyes and shrug because I am controlled by a five year old.

GiddyPickle · 22/07/2011 10:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

paisleyII · 22/07/2011 10:57

wtf has that got to do with anything? why does it always have to boil down to how many kids someone has? i have one but i know i would feel the same if i had more. at the end of the day i am aware of how my behaviour or of my kids can and does affect others around me so if i had TEN i would still be embarassed to continue sitting in a seat and let my kid make a scene if i knew it was bugging others, the same applys if i was in a cinema or a cafe

notso · 22/07/2011 11:00

So true about laziness paisleyII, also there seems to be a total fear of saying no to DC.

notso · 22/07/2011 11:04

'at the end of the day i am aware of how my behaviour or of my kids can and does affect others around me so if i had TEN i would still be embarassed to continue sitting in a seat and let my kid make a scene if i knew it was bugging others, the same applys if i was in a cinema or a cafe'

Completely agree.

NestaFiesta · 22/07/2011 11:24

I agree notso. Noisy kids should be at least temporarily removed if being a nuisance to all and sundry, but this shouldn't result in a ban. It's sad if it has. I can't imagine sitting still doing nothing if DS2 kicked off in a school production/cafe/restaurant. I have even left uneaten paid for meals in cafes when DS1 kicked off. It's not fair on everyone else. Whilst I completely adore my cute and lovely kids, I don't expect total strangers to feel the same about them.

I am fairly tolerant of noisy kids, but when a screaming or crying fit has kicked off, it's time to go, not stay. Even if you have to watch assembly from a crack in a door in the corridor or by peering through an outside window because DS2 wants a run around outdoors. Banning kids completely would make it hard for me to attend as I don't have back up day time child care. However, parents should be strongly encouraged to take screaming or crying toddlers out.

Swipe left for the next trending thread