to want to strangle women who...

[GenevieveHawkings]

...bring little toddlers to school assemblies and bring nothing along to amuse/distract them with?

I have just been to my DS's leavers assembly and had it ruined by two toddlers who variously cried/whinged/whined/yelled throughout. It's not the children's fault - it went on for well over 2 hours as they went through 50 + children so they were bound to get bored. The mothers of these children just kept them on their laps and tried to contain them as they wrigged and squirmed and got ever more impatient and upset - and demonstrated it very vocally!

One woman's partner did take their child out of the hall and into the corridor at one point but it bellowed so loudly for its mother out there he might just as well not have bothered.

I can understand that they didn't want to miss their own child being done by either not attending or taking a bored toddler outside to allow everyone else the chance to enjoy it but these women didn't even have the courtesy to leave after their own children had been done. They made sure they stayed until the bitter end and ruined it for everyone else!

Don't most sensible people take a few bits to keep a child amused if they know they are going somewhere where a child needs to be as quiet as possible and may become bored and/or a nuisance?

All these women seemed to do to keep their children quiet was to try and keep ramming food into their mouths and doing this seemed to anger and frustrate these children all the more!

Having said that, there was one little girl there who looked about 2 and she was as quiet as a mouse the whole time, she spent some of the time on her mum's lap and the rest in her buggy.

'Did op ever answer the question about how many dc she has?'

Nope, Revolution, don't think she has...

Maybe it's relevant. It would be good if the OP would answer it.

Her posts do seem pompous, judgemental and unempathetic, but if it turns out she's been in those other 'women's' shoes then that would give a bit of insight into how bad these toddlers were being. It's the description of children being a 'nuisance' that particularly makes me think she is BU.

Everytime I see this thread title I cringe It sounds awful

Isn't it strange how preschool kids can happily watch tv if allowed to for long periods without a squeak, but get restless after 10 mins worth of a year 6 leaving do? It's just not interesting enough for them, like adults being made to watch cbeebies for 2 hours...

I don't remember all this fuss about leaving school 'when I were a lass'...even leaving secondary was a non-event.

YABU by the way, preschoolers are not banned from public performances. Banning grandparents would free up a few seats, though.

You do what I have always had to do when I have a meeting which is likely to overrun or the nursery is on holiday - you call Sitters or another agency of your choice and get a registered CM or nanny to do emergency childcare.

I'm not saying it's a cheap option but it's not impossible.

And I'm extremely sorry for your situation altinkum but you must admit you're in an unusual situation.

It would be lovely if we could all attend every one of our children's big events but if that is at the expense of other people's enjoyment (including the children themselves) then I don't think it's fair.

but I should have said most people can get childcare, not all. Apologies.

I'm going to shut up now

Altinkum - I don't have family on hand either, both my parents died when I was in my teens, but even so, my mother taught me manners. Nor do I have a childminder or any other childcare - my in laws are 150 miles away and we do not have any paid childcare either. I have a five year old in reception and a three year old at home. When I go to ds1's concerts etc I always have to take ds2, there is no-one at all I can leave him with. However I always, always take him out when he starts to get too noisy. I have watched parts of every concert this year through the door because I have had to leave everytime. It's just basic public decency. Some people have, some people don't. A little bit of chuntering is one thing, full scale meltdowns, or running amok are another entirely. Ineffectual parenting does no-one any favours.

She has only the one child. Seen her post on one-child families before now.

"you call Sitters or another agency of your choice and get a registered CM or nanny to do emergency childcare. "

Christine- I AM the emergency childcare! There is no babysitting agency in my town and emergency nannies and emergencu childminders- well it's bit much to leave my DS2 with a stranger just so I can go to a school concert. Emergency nannies and emergency child minders are not an option for a lot of people. None round here that I know of.

If you ask me it's fine to take a toddler to an event as long you're willing to sit by the door, take quiet entertainment stuff and be ready to slip out when or if things kick off. Excluding and banning children is really sad.

I've just come back from DS1 and 2's final sharing assembly, there was one toddler who got upset, his mum took him out (her DS is a leaving year 6 but they already had their leavers assembly). It was a minor distraction that was over in seconds. The noisy ones that pissed me off were the bloody parents nattering throughout and don't even get me started on sodding mobiles going off!

Nesta - yes, I agree that it's a bit much to leave children with emergency nanny so you can go to another one of your DC's concerts. I just was a bit irritated at the 'well I can't get childcare' line because most of us can get it. Whether we want to use it or not is a different matter.

And I really don't have any issue with parents who sit by the door and who will leave if their DC kick off. It's what I do. But there are a sizeable (judging by this thread) minority who think that their toddler's right to drown out proceedings trumps everyone else's to enjoy it. And that is Not On.

2 hours ours was 1 and that was too long.
Our head has moaned that fidgety younger siblings are a problem at assemblies, but not everyone has anyone to leave them with. I didn't and DD2 was a pain.
Personally I just wish they're provide a space St the back with some quiet toys as netter organised churches do. Grumbling gets people's backs up and some of those backs belong to Mothers who do a lot to support the school.

At the back as better organised churches do, I wish some one would strangle autocorrect!

So, can I ask, what about the children who have put in a lot of work for plays, concerts and assemblies? Doesn't it matter that no bugger parent can hear them because of the noise bored babies and toddlers make? I think the feelings of the performers are more important than the feelings of inconsiderate adults.
Take littlies, but if they start up take them out!
We were lucky at our Leavers assembly today as there was no disruption at all.

Christine I am one of those who cannot access childcare when I need it, you seem to assume that people have the money at hand to pay for an agency or babysitter. There has been times when I've been down to my last tenner and I still have to get electric and some food ..

So I've always taken my younger ones to school plays services etc. But I make damn sure I take stuff to distract and sit near the back by the door so I can whip them out if needs be.

That's why I changed my original post to most people, sheep - I was in a rush this morning and shouldn't have written that. I'm on IS now and money is tight pretty often.

Can we agree then that either a) you pay for childcare or b) you take your kid out if they start kicking off?

I don't really care which tbh but what I do care about is the 'well that's just how toddlers are and I want to see my older child so if the toddler screams all the way through then that's just the way it is'. Because that is a horribly selfish attitude.

You do what I have always had to do when I have a meeting which is likely to overrun or the nursery is on holiday - you call Sitters or another agency of your choice and get a registered CM or nanny to do emergency childcare.

Ds has developmental delays and various issues, one of which is huge sparation anxiety, if I could leave him with someone apart from dh for a few hours, I would, then I might get a break and not be so knackered!

I also, like a number of people, i shoukld imagine, would not be able to afford it.

I'm not going to keep on issuing caveats. I should have just said 'excepting those with SN of any sort' at the outset as well as those who can't afford it.

Have I missed anyone else out?

I do wish people would read the whole thread before posting.

Sorry Christine, the thread was left on my screen, I hadn't updated, I had a five minute window in which to Mumsnet, and hadn't seen later posts.

But I do think that, SN/financial issues aside, most of the parents I know, really would struggle to find childcare on such ocassions.

If your toddler was making a fuss during the bit that actually involved your child, would it be ok to stay?

blimey - so they did actually take food to try and keep the blighters quiet.

lol at 'it bellowed for its mother'

'it'

can't you remember the days when your kids were little 'its'

I hear what you're saying but it's very difficult for them if there is nobody to look after said toddler,.