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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want to strangle women who...

167 replies

GenevieveHawkings · 20/07/2011 13:45

...bring little toddlers to school assemblies and bring nothing along to amuse/distract them with?

I have just been to my DS's leavers assembly and had it ruined by two toddlers who variously cried/whinged/whined/yelled throughout. It's not the children's fault - it went on for well over 2 hours as they went through 50 + children so they were bound to get bored. The mothers of these children just kept them on their laps and tried to contain them as they wrigged and squirmed and got ever more impatient and upset - and demonstrated it very vocally!

One woman's partner did take their child out of the hall and into the corridor at one point but it bellowed so loudly for its mother out there he might just as well not have bothered.

I can understand that they didn't want to miss their own child being done by either not attending or taking a bored toddler outside to allow everyone else the chance to enjoy it but these women didn't even have the courtesy to leave after their own children had been done. They made sure they stayed until the bitter end and ruined it for everyone else!

Don't most sensible people take a few bits to keep a child amused if they know they are going somewhere where a child needs to be as quiet as possible and may become bored and/or a nuisance?

All these women seemed to do to keep their children quiet was to try and keep ramming food into their mouths and doing this seemed to anger and frustrate these children all the more!

Having said that, there was one little girl there who looked about 2 and she was as quiet as a mouse the whole time, she spent some of the time on her mum's lap and the rest in her buggy.

OP posts:
PonceyMcPonce · 22/07/2011 06:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sparkle12mar08 · 22/07/2011 07:39

Hardly offensive and intolerant, get a grip! The OP has a perfectly valid point, and it is incredibly disturbing to have to listen to other people's children whining and being noisy when you are trying to concentrate. I don't let my own 3yo behave that way (I take him outside) and I don't expect to have to listen to other people's children either. If your child can't behave then yes, you have to either make alternative arrangements, be prepared to take them outside, or not go. It's what people with manners do!

itisnearlysummer · 22/07/2011 07:39

YANBU.

DD's head teacher has asked parents with obviously bored toddlers to leave the school hall during assemblies.

I agree with her, it's not fair on the children in the assembly or the other parents, especially those who did bring something to entertain their toddlers but who then get distressed themselves at hearing other toddlers crying.

TheBolter · 22/07/2011 07:47

OP, YANBU - bloody hell, MN is so effing right-on sometimes.

The least the parents of noisy children can do is take them out when they start making a fuss and leave early. Not least because it's bloody unfair on the bored toddler. As someone said further up, parenthood has to be about sacrifice at times and if you find yourself in a position where you have to take a young child to a two hour event the very least you can do is make some kind of concession for it. Why should it be anyone else's problem.

OiMissus · 22/07/2011 07:48

I don't have kids yet, but I like kids being kids. Yes I hope that mine will be disciplined, that they will never run around in restaurants (I hate that), ...but making noise and getting bored in assemblies/churches/public gatherings/my wedding is what babies/toddlers do. And it makes me SMILE. :)

altinkum · 22/07/2011 07:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

baguettecut · 22/07/2011 07:53

Ahh, come on those people who say noise should be tollerated. It takes one noisy baby/toddler to ruin things for everyone else, and it really does. Everyone is drawn to look at the baby, the poor children speaking can't be heard or a carefully practised song is drowned out. It's not a case of being intollerant, it's about expecting to hear your son/daughter instead of someone elses.

Deaddei · 22/07/2011 07:58

Agree with OP.
It is not fair on the children whose assembly it is, to be interrupted by screaming noisy toddlers.
Dd has just done a musical production which was videoed and all you can hear is wails and shouts from the audience (not the parents!)
I had no family to leave younger ds with, had to organise it with other friends.
I think more schools are sending out the letters like GiddyPickle's.....

sparkle12mar08 · 22/07/2011 07:59

The lack of basic good manners astonishes me sometimes, it really does. Take you noisy, whining child OUT, ffs! Did your own mothers not teach you anything?!

ChristinedePizan · 22/07/2011 08:00

Oh FGS, everyone can access childcare. What a load of bloody nonsense.

OP YANBU - I think it's really rude and inconsiderate of the parents and I'm shocked that so many people think it's absolutely fine to ruin the day for the children the event is supposed to be about

feckwit · 22/07/2011 08:04

Just come back to this and am mightily relieved more people are agreeing with me and the OP. I am staggered people think it is acceptable to have their child ruin an assembly for others! Mine were always swiftly removed if they made a squeak!

paisleyII · 22/07/2011 08:05

Oi* you wouldn't be smiling if there was a sprog screaming when your child was reciting/singing something. as for the poster who said the op was being sexist - ffs, what a load of typical MN right on bollocks, get a grip

clueless1 · 22/07/2011 08:05

yanbu.
we had this issue yesterday, one mum turned up to the leavers assembly with 4 children under 5!! only 1 is hers, so who knows why she had the other 3.( not a childminder), but they just ran riot. her own daughter cried at the assembly cause upset her so much!
and can i ask how the op is being sexist? if it is a mum there with the child then obviously she is going to talk about the woman not the man.

Sirzy · 22/07/2011 08:07

I don't mind children making some noise at things like this as long as the parents are making some effort to entertain them. If they are just ignoring them then I would get annoyed.

paisleyII · 22/07/2011 08:08

my dd has a school 'gathering' this morning - her school has banned young kids too but there are always a few. actually, what annoys me more are the parents who have their fucking arm up throughout the whole thing holding a camera filming the bloody thing so all i can see is their hand which is usually right in view of my kids face, it makes me want to take them outside and show them what it's like....

Loolah · 22/07/2011 08:10

YANBU I agree with the OP, there's nothing more distracting than wriggling grouchy toddlers (and I have one myself DD2 (2.4)) DD1 goes to a small school where each of the leavers make a speech, its so annoying and disrespectful when you can't hear what the children are saying. Therefore DD2 does not come to assemblies I find alternative childcare.

exoticfruits · 22/07/2011 08:11

YANBU -at the first squeak the parent should take them out, if they can't stop it.
I'm a bit shocked that people say it is too long! It is year 6's last thing at primary school, a time to celebrate their achievements-a time for them to all have a part-not have miserable parents saying 'it is too longfor a toddler'. Find a friend-leave the toddler and concentrate on the DC who deserves to be listened to without interruption.

SharonGless · 22/07/2011 08:16

ChristinedePizan -Oh FGS, everyone can access childcare. What a load of bloody nonsense.

Glad you are in the enviable position where this isn't a problem. For a lot of people there obviously is a major issue getting suitable childcare in the day as can be seen from the number of posts.

I think the schools need to take this into account and maybe have 2 shorter sessions so that if necessary other parents can assist. I liked the idea of a 30 minute parent allowed assembly and then a longer student only celebration. 2 hours is a hell of a long time for a school assembly.

exoticfruits · 22/07/2011 08:19

I don't see why the school should provide a creche. You will find that all the teachers and TAs are in the assembly-they have known the leavers from before they were 5yrs-they don't want to miss it because parents can't -or more likely won't-arrange childcare.

ragged · 22/07/2011 08:19

My 11yo DC would get bored witless having to sit around for 2 yrs. Most adults I know would find it OTT. FFS, it's only leaving primary school. Actually, I can remember vividly my final yr being bewildered by the fuss they made of us, I had hated the school, loathed being mad

I understand this year our school banned under 5s from the Leaver's Assembly. Several parents were unhappy as they knew that meant both parents (of the leaver) would therefore be unable to attend. I find the "Everyone can access childcare statement" quite offensive, tbh.

Ormirian · 22/07/2011 08:20

I am not sure that strangling them would reduce the uproar at all.

FWIW I confess to a few irritated sighs at noisy toddlers. There were several at DDs acheivement assembly. But I suppress them and grit my teeth because I remember the stress and misery of trying to keep small bored/excited/tired tiddler quiet at various school events - and I know how hard it is. And distractions only work so long.

If your child is singing/ acting/ being a tree, why should you miss it entirely in case your wailing child makes it a bit harder for another parent to hear?

exoticfruits · 22/07/2011 08:20

I don't think anyone is expecting them to sit around for 2 yrsGrin

ragged · 22/07/2011 08:20

whoops! computer crash Blush; mad="made centre of attention repeatedly."

ragged · 22/07/2011 08:21

Only in the classrooms of very boring teachers Wink.

Ormirian · 22/07/2011 08:21

"parents and I'm shocked that so many people think it's absolutely fine to ruin the day for the children the event is supposed to be about"

It doesn't ruin the day for the kids. IME they don't even notice, or in some cases find it funny. It's only parents who get irritated.

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