to want to strangle women who...

[GenevieveHawkings]

...bring little toddlers to school assemblies and bring nothing along to amuse/distract them with?

I have just been to my DS's leavers assembly and had it ruined by two toddlers who variously cried/whinged/whined/yelled throughout. It's not the children's fault - it went on for well over 2 hours as they went through 50 + children so they were bound to get bored. The mothers of these children just kept them on their laps and tried to contain them as they wrigged and squirmed and got ever more impatient and upset - and demonstrated it very vocally!

One woman's partner did take their child out of the hall and into the corridor at one point but it bellowed so loudly for its mother out there he might just as well not have bothered.

I can understand that they didn't want to miss their own child being done by either not attending or taking a bored toddler outside to allow everyone else the chance to enjoy it but these women didn't even have the courtesy to leave after their own children had been done. They made sure they stayed until the bitter end and ruined it for everyone else!

Don't most sensible people take a few bits to keep a child amused if they know they are going somewhere where a child needs to be as quiet as possible and may become bored and/or a nuisance?

All these women seemed to do to keep their children quiet was to try and keep ramming food into their mouths and doing this seemed to anger and frustrate these children all the more!

Having said that, there was one little girl there who looked about 2 and she was as quiet as a mouse the whole time, she spent some of the time on her mum's lap and the rest in her buggy.

Sorry, I got a bit crabby there.

Yes, I think it's fine to stay if your toddler is creating merry hell if it's for the five minutes while your kid is on stage. It's just about not ruining it for everyone else. My parents travelled 1.5 hours to see my nephew in his end of primary school production and I know they would have been hugely disappointed if the performance (which the children have been working on all term) had been ruined by screaming children, as would the children. His school has a bar on under 4s attending which I think is a huge shame but I suspect many schools have been forced to do that because some parents are just totally oblivious which just spoils it for everyone else.

Maybe those schools that don't ban pre-schoolers need to have a member of staff on duty who will go and ask a parent of a disruptive child to leave the room? That might be the best solution.

I cant access childcare at the drop of a hat either

definately think ideas of shorter assemblies/ toddlers to the dress rehersals/ over 2 days/ splitting in half/ providing a creche or whatever are much better for mothers with younger siblings. these are up to the school so give them your feedback OP

I have watched adults answer their mobile phones in performances at the school I worked at.

The lack of consideration for others is endemic. That is why the unfortunate situation of toddlers being banned arises. If people will not practice basic courtesy in these situations, it ends up not being left to chance.

YABU.
I have a bit of a noisy 2 yo. He doesn't explode but he is prone to chatter and drop stuff. I do everything I can to keep him quiet, but I try not to walk out after my elder child is "done", because actually I have an interest in the whole class, and the whole show, and if everyone did that, it wouldn't be much fun for the kids at the end, or for anyone with all the comings and goings. I have walked out before when he was noisy, and felt pretty lousy about that too.
I am just glad at my DD's school that generally the group of mums is quite supportive, tolerant, and pleasant. Unlike you OP. I have to say, you really don't come across well.... although obviously, in your eyes, that makes me irrational, rather than simply disagreeing with your view.

I really disagree about this emergency childcare. Some of these agencies basically drag people in off the street, and a lot of people can't afford £6 an hour with a basic fee of 4 hrs or whatever, and others won't put 1yo and 2yo kids with a total stranger, no matter what checks they have passed or agency they are registered with.
personally I don't think it is unreasonable to take your little one along and am grateful it is the norm to do so where my DD is at school.

It is an end of term show not their big break into showbiz

If you don't get childcare I think you just have to be prepared to take them out.
It is very sad for the DCs-I think many parents turn up and have no interest at all in the overall production or the other DCs-they simply want to see their DC and go home! It is very sad that they can call it too long and not give the DCs their full attention.

That rather belittles it noddyholder.

After 6 yrs at school they could come first for once!

It doesn't! i was there with the rest of the mums for ds year in year out end of school or not and he is an only child but it really is not as big a deal as this thread is making it.

I just wanted to express my incredulity at a 2 hour primary school leavers ceremony. Even university graduations are often shorter than that and they include lots more than 50 people (still tedious beyond belief though).

Who on earth thought anyone would want to sit through a 2 hour ceremony? Not even the kids who're doing the leaving want that. What were they doing for 2 hours?

You can't always get a baby sitter! and there are times when you have no choice about taking toddler with you. can't leave a 2 year old home alone!
so I'm sorry but the parents who don't have a toddler will just have to put up with the poor mother and toddler!

I think op is being very unfair

I can't believe any of the parents with noisy kids are oblivious. It is bloody awful and cringey to be sitting there with child 2 trying to keep them quiet while knowing that child 1 will be really upset if you're not there.

You also have the dilemma of whether to get there early so as to get a seat near the door, or to go in at the last possible moment so the child has less time to get bored, but then you risk sitting somewhere where you will cause more disruption by leaving and having to push past people than by staying put.

I'm just glad my dd is at a relatively non-precious, non-judgey school, where parents are generally very nice and supportive about this kind of thing.

actually maybe there should be a reserved seating area near the door for parents with babies and toddlers

I'm with you OP. I have had to arrange for my toddler to be cared for many times so that 1) I could focus on my older son and 2) other parents could enjoy the event as well.

I would feel SO embarassed if my toddler played up during leavers' assembly.
Year 6s are still children, some with quiet voices.

I presume plenty of notice (months?) had been given for the time of the assembly. Parents can and do make plans for their toddlers when they feel it's important.

Of course there are times when things fall through.

Do all of you not have ANYONE you can ask to care for your child for things like this? What about evening performances? What about when these children who are now year 7 have events at secondary school? Will the toddler go along too? At the very least, you sit near the exit and pop in and out or ask another parent to tell you when it's your childs moment.

Yanbu, parents of small children should show some consideration for the children leaving and their teachers. Common courtesy says if your child disturbs others enjoyment they should be taken out. Anything else is downright rude.

As a teacher of Year 6 and a mother of a toddler I can see both sides. I brought my toddler to my Year 6's end of year play so I could see her that evening.

DH came too, he sat near the back and I provided a room with a DVD, toys, books and colouring for him to take her into when she got bored and started making noise. I also offered it to the other mums with toddlers who had come to see their children and could not arrange alternative childcare, I just called them out when their child came on stage.

The school of a friend's DS had a creche organised by the teachers which I thought was a great idea.

The reality is not everyone has the option of childcare, but their older child still wants their support and for their parent to be proud of their achievements.

Two hours is an incredibly long time for a leavers assembly, we did one for 90 kids and it didn't take that long. Our play was 1 hour and 15 minutes and that was too long for even some of the older siblings who came to watch.

If you are going to bring your toddler you do need to respect the other children and parents and take them out for breaks if they become too loud to calm them down and then bring them back when they are more settled.

Toddler chat, giggles, dropping things and the odd shriek are ok during an assembly in my opinion, but full throttle screaming, crying and tantrumming is too much and you should be prepared to take your toddler out until they have calmed down.

Our school doesn't allow younger children to assembly probably because of people like you. which mean that not only do I have to juggle trying to miss as few as possible due to work but also try to find someone to have my toddler which means I often miss assembly I'd rather be there with a noisy toddler than not there at all.

"Do all of you not have ANYONE you can ask to care for your child for things like this?"-

NO- why so shocking? It's hard to find childcare when you are skint and you don't live near able bodied family who don't work and are available when you need free daytime help.

Zhen talks sense. And a room/space for toddlers is a great plan! Like Zhen said, some noise is to be expected from an audience but full on tantrums/meltdowns should definitely be removed until calm ensues.

I'm really uncharacteristically going to agree with the OP. I have one child, but was looking after my friend's two year old during the school Y6 leaver's thing this year, as she had a Y11 one to go to and couldn't be everywhere. Said two year old shrieked. A lot. So I took her out. OP is not unreasonable - I said that little X wouldn't cope and could my son be early on so I could take her out afterwards. No problem. My son was in the Y6 thing, and I got to see him - I'd have liked to have seen the rest, but had taken the afternoon off unpaid and offered to look after the small one. I think taking a very disruptive child out is normal and sensible.

Giddy, I agree. Take your toddler, but sit by the door and be prepared to use the door if toddler kicks off/makes anti social noise/cries loudly/screams.

No I don't have childcare, yes I do sit by the door and have had to watch from a corridor/window before now. Fine by me. It doesn't wreck your life to sometimes have to leave events for a brief time.

I do find it sad that some schools have banned young siblings. Schools are about community and should be promoting family ties and relationships. A bit of noise is part of life. However, manners and consideration are also part of this and very noisy youngsters should be taken out to calm down. A ban also means those of us without childcare can't go. Like I said earlier, there's a middle ground here and we should meet halfway with consideration (I'll take Mr Noisy out of the room if he kicks off) and inclusiveness (don't ban us!).

YABU not everyone has childcare. I always try leave mine at home with sitters or me and DH take tunrs going to events if he isn't at work. BUT not everyone has that luxury, single parents etc. Yes it can be annoying but it's not the end of the world.