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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want to strangle women who...

167 replies

GenevieveHawkings · 20/07/2011 13:45

...bring little toddlers to school assemblies and bring nothing along to amuse/distract them with?

I have just been to my DS's leavers assembly and had it ruined by two toddlers who variously cried/whinged/whined/yelled throughout. It's not the children's fault - it went on for well over 2 hours as they went through 50 + children so they were bound to get bored. The mothers of these children just kept them on their laps and tried to contain them as they wrigged and squirmed and got ever more impatient and upset - and demonstrated it very vocally!

One woman's partner did take their child out of the hall and into the corridor at one point but it bellowed so loudly for its mother out there he might just as well not have bothered.

I can understand that they didn't want to miss their own child being done by either not attending or taking a bored toddler outside to allow everyone else the chance to enjoy it but these women didn't even have the courtesy to leave after their own children had been done. They made sure they stayed until the bitter end and ruined it for everyone else!

Don't most sensible people take a few bits to keep a child amused if they know they are going somewhere where a child needs to be as quiet as possible and may become bored and/or a nuisance?

All these women seemed to do to keep their children quiet was to try and keep ramming food into their mouths and doing this seemed to anger and frustrate these children all the more!

Having said that, there was one little girl there who looked about 2 and she was as quiet as a mouse the whole time, she spent some of the time on her mum's lap and the rest in her buggy.

OP posts:
feckwit · 21/07/2011 22:18

Yanbu. It is incredibly selfish to bring young siblings in if they're not going to be quiet and it spoils it for others. It is a HUGE bugbear of mine.

Oh, and I have 4 children before anyone asks and have watched several assemblies through the door due o a misbehaving toddler! I wouldn't dream of staying in and ruining it for others.

VanillaRooibos · 21/07/2011 22:18

I think YAB really U

Original poster
GenevieveHawkings · 21/07/2011 22:20

Noisy babies/children on aeroplanes don't bother me actually. I find an aeroplane a generally noisy mode of transport at the best of times. I can never concentrate or rest on them so dealing with the sound of a whineging child on an aeroplane is not remotely analagous in my book to dealing with it in a situation in which it is severely impeding my ability to concentrate, hear and listen intently to what someone is saying.

OP posts:
amIbeingdaft · 21/07/2011 22:26

There aren't enough toys in the world to keep some toddlers occupied for two hours, and if there are several of you with little ones you can't all sit near the door. And as for the creche suggestion...who is going to leave their baby with a stranger for 2 hours? My DD certainly wouldn't settle with someone she didn't know, lots of children wouldn't.

I think the length of the assembly is the ridiculous bit here. what is this 'leave when their child's been done'? What is being done to them?

Original poster
GenevieveHawkings · 21/07/2011 22:31

Two hours was not a problem for the group of 11 year olds.

It was a problem for toddlers however.

Everyone concerned should have acknowledged that and done what I suggested - got the children with very young siblings in attendance done right at the very beginning (each child's presentation lasted about 3 minutes so a toddler sibling could have been kept entertained quite easily with a new buggy book/cheap toy bought out especially for the occasion for the 15 minutes tops they'd have been expected to wait) so that they could have left and allowed the rest of us to enjoy the proceedings in peace. I'm sure the vast majority of mothers only want to see their own child presented anyway.

I'd venture to suggest that anyone who doesn't see this as reasonable is being very unreasonable.

OP posts:
timidviper · 21/07/2011 22:32

I am shocked that so many of you think this is ok. Yes 2 hours is a long time and in a perfect world there would be a creche but surely the key here is that this event should have been all about the leavers, not their younger siblings.

I really think this idea of everybody should tolerate children in every circumstance is going too far. Life is much more pleasant with consideration for others, it seems as though people were considerate and tolerated this poor child being bored and distressed for some time, the parents in turn should have considered others and taken the child out at a suitable point.

paisleyII · 21/07/2011 22:34

i wouldn't be surprised if all the ones who think you are being unreasonable are the ones who are guilty of doing what you are complaining about :) people react difensively if someone criticises something they themselves do

MightyQuim · 21/07/2011 22:38

What you are suggesting sounds like a right pita for the school to organise op. I assume at the moment the awards are don in class order or something?

When was your child given their award? Did you leave after they were done?

Original poster
GenevieveHawkings · 21/07/2011 22:41

As I said, two hours was not a problem for the group of 11 year old leavers. The assembly was for them and was all about them. It was their moment in the spotlight on a big day for them. They were all being presented with a book of work they'd filled over the entire 7 years at primary school. They each step up to the front and have it presented to them and their teachers and headteacher speak about them, say nice things to them, congratulate them, compliment them, share funny anecdoetes about them going back over their time in school and generally wish them well for the future as they move on. It's a very special occasion for the children and they love it and look forward to it.

Two hours is not a long time for them when they want to listen to all their friends presentations too.

It's their day and it's all about them and to have it droiwned out by noise of any kind is a real shame.

OP posts:
helenthemadex · 21/07/2011 22:45

YABU, yes its a bit irritating but why should the parents miss out one something important to their child.

Maybe your should consider how upsetting it would be for the child who is leaving not to have their parents present because toddlers were not allowed to go.

two hours is far to long for children to be expected to sit still and not get restless, maybe the school should have done this as two one hour assemblies, parents leaving after their child was done would have been far more disruptive than a child whining or crying

Original poster
GenevieveHawkings · 21/07/2011 22:48

"i wouldn't be surprised if all the ones who think you are being unreasonable are the ones who are guilty of doing what you are complaining about people react difensively if someone criticises something they themselves do"

Very true paisleyII. Very true.

And by the time that the precious DD or DS who is sitting on their lap making all the racket is old enought to be at such an assembly and what is being said to him/her is being drowned out by a crying, fractious toddler, they'll probably be the ones complaining more bitterly than anyone!

OP posts:
susiedaisy · 21/07/2011 22:49

Pre school children are not allowed to any of the primary services and quite right to they distract everyone else and that's not fair on all the children who have worked really hard on their speech/performance etc

Original poster
GenevieveHawkings · 21/07/2011 22:51

*helenthemadex" if you are going to contribute to this thread, please at least have the courtesy to read what I say.

I have never said anywhere that parents should not bother going. I have said their children should be done first to allow them the opportunity to get off home rather than wait around unneccesarily.

That way, they are there to see their older child and are being fair to their younger child by not forcing them to stay in that environment and get bored and frustrated.

OP posts:
Original poster
GenevieveHawkings · 21/07/2011 22:55

"parents leaving after their child was done would have been far more disruptive than a child whining or crying"

Possibly the daftest thing I've read on this thread so far.

OP posts:
Original poster
GenevieveHawkings · 21/07/2011 22:58

Actually, I don't really know why I ever asked if I was being unreasonable in the first because patently I am not in the eyes of any rational, reasonable and considerate person.

OP posts:
PeopleCallMeTricky · 21/07/2011 23:03

No, but you were being sexist. And you don't some across as being particularly rational, considerate and reasonable yourself.

mummakaz · 21/07/2011 23:06

I think I would have cried/whinged too if I had to sit there for 2 hours Grin

timidviper · 21/07/2011 23:40

I'm totally with you OP. When my DCs were younger there was a lot less tolerance for this sort of thing. It will be interesting, as you say, to see how these parents react when it is their child's leaving and getting awards disrupted.

I am stunned at the attitude of some mothers now that their children can do no wrong and everybody else should tolerate it no matter what.

YANBU

bubblesincoffee · 22/07/2011 00:00

YANBU.

The day is about the leavers, and if there was a rule that no pre school children were allowed, the leavers would know in advance, and probably not be upset that their parents weren't there. If they were likely to be, the parents would make more effort to find someone else to have the toddler, or one parent would be there for one child each.

In circumstances where a parent truly couldn't possibly arrange any way to see their older child without bringing a toddler, there could be special permission granted. If this was dealt with on a strict case by case basis, it wouldn't annoy other parents because they would understand how the whole thing works, and the parent with special permission would be aware that if the toddler makes noise, they would be expected by everyone to leave.

A parent doesn't have more right to have their noisy toddler at a special occasion than I do to be able to hear my child doing his very special thing that he has looked forward to and worked on.

You make sacrifices when you have children, this should be one of them.

ivykaty44 · 22/07/2011 00:11

why bother going to the leavers assembly if you can't hear a thing due to the toddlers crying through it - not a lot of point yanbu.

Either all the people in the hall that can't hear a thing are being silly sitting their not hearing anything but two toddlers screaming and crying or the two parents are silly for taking them and then being so selfish as to not take them outside when they disturb the whole process.

I thought the leavers assembly was for the children and surely it will be ruined for them also if no one can hear due to toddlers crying.

Why bother having a leavers assembly if you then let toddlers ruin the event for every single child concerned and ever parent trying to watch

GiddyPickle · 22/07/2011 00:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

differentnameforthis · 22/07/2011 02:49

Thankfully my dds school isn't as intolerant as janauaryjojo's! But some of the parents are.

I try to avoid taking my toddler if I can, but there isn't always the opportunity to do so. Because of intolerance like yours op, I avoid going to dd's assemblies, which means I have missed lots of her stuff, including 2 award given ceremonies.

Oh & we looked into the crèche idea. The school would need extra public liability to cover younger children & someone to co ordinate/run it. So that person would need to be cleared to work with children, then you have the ratio rules, so you would need more than juts one person operating it. Then first aid training.

All because parents like you forget that your kids were toddlers once too & seem to think that we all have an army of people waiting to help us out.

differentnameforthis · 22/07/2011 02:54

As I said, I never go to dds stuff as I know that dd2 wouldn't tolerate being forced to comply & that would be worse for all concerned, so I am not guilty of whatever it is you think parents with toddlers are guilty of.

I wonder how many toddlers were there op, to completely drown out what was being said, so much so that the children couldn't hear the head.

Exaggeration0 much?

QueenKate · 22/07/2011 06:42

OP -Perhaps you should direct your anger at the school rather than the parents then? If your solution is for the order to be changed why not climb down off your high horse and suggest it to the school? Please do come back to tell us their response as somehow I doubt it will satisfy you

This is AIBU? Note the question mark. You are already convinced that you are not being unreasonable so it's probably not the best place for you.
Is there a "pompous and self-righteous rant" group you could post in instead?

I am not the sort to let my child disturb others. I would've been in the hall (it's where I watched the Easter performance from as DS started screaming and it was the only polite thing to do, even though my DD's face fell when she saw me leave) but your attitude is offensive and intolerant.

joric · 22/07/2011 06:48

YANBU
2 hrs... Really not kind to take little ones for that long and a big annoyance for others
Ask for crèche in future.