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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be fucking fucked off (this will be both lengthy and ranty)

136 replies

Tiredtrout · 17/07/2011 23:16

I currently through no fault of my own appear to be living in a fucking soap opera.

My whole year has been shit and I don't seem to be close to the end of the faecal matter.

I love my dh dearly but he cannot cope with any pressure or criticism at all and is about as resilient as balsa wood. In feb last year he was put on a disciplinary at work for gross misconduct. This has happened in every job he's had since I've known him. I helped him resolve it but while researching the misconduct, his work policies and coaching his spineless useless cunt of a union rep on how to get dh off I said to dh that if he lost his job he would have to go. I can't support the whole household on my wage alone. Thought it would sharpen his mind on growing the fuck up.

My dh held on to that till our 10th anniversary in august last year and chose to get me no card, present, and leave me on my own on a campsite for most of the day. We were on holiday camping, he had packed seperate sleeping bags for us too. His message was quite clear. On our return home he told me he wanted to hurt me for what I'd said, cunt.

OP posts:
PeopleCallMeTricky · 17/07/2011 23:18

Gross misconduct in every job? WTF does he do to make that happen?

SuePurblybilt · 17/07/2011 23:18

I have to ask, mostly because I am nosy. How and why has your DH had been accused of gross misconduct in every job he has had? What the heck has he done?

YANBU to have told him to shape up btw.

WinkyWinkola · 17/07/2011 23:18

Erm well perhaps he needs to go and find a new role in another soap opera? Not yours.

Valpollicella · 17/07/2011 23:19

Tiredout, sorry to hear you're having such a shit time.

Are you still together? It's just a bit unclear from your OP, after the campsite stuff? What happened after that?

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy · 17/07/2011 23:19

And?

What has happened between last August and now?

Is your DH still in the same job? Are you still living under the same roof?

Tchootnika · 17/07/2011 23:21

Don't know what to say except for that it sounds like you DH needs some kind of therapy or counselling.
From what you say he's got some real issue that makes him (a) take things out on other people, very inappropriately, and/or (b) unable to control (and perhaps understand) his own behaviour.
So professional outside help is needed.
Sorry if this sounds obvious.

Vicky2011 · 17/07/2011 23:22

Yes August is a long time ago - what has happened since?

StormInaCCup · 17/07/2011 23:22

You are very angry TT, I can't really tell if it's merited from the details you've given. Is it just the situation re: your DH's work or something else? Do you get on well otherwise or have there been other occasions he's been 'spineless'?

Also, got to ask - what was the charge of 'gross misconduct' related to? I have to say I'd be annoyed too if it kept happening like you say but it really depends on the circumstances.

You need to give more info.

StormInaCCup · 17/07/2011 23:24

Just realised that it was the union rep you said was spineless. Ignore me, it's late.

ShellyBoobs · 17/07/2011 23:25

"...I helped him resolve it but while researching the misconduct, his work policies and coaching his spineless useless cunt of a union rep on how to get dh off ..."

He sounds like a cracking employee, doesn't he?

Your wording sounds as though you know he's guilty of what he's accused of, too - 'how to get dh off' is very different to, 'how to prove dh's innocence'.

I'd get rid of him if I was you.

prudaloo · 17/07/2011 23:25

And you love him dearly? Really?

Dawnybabe · 17/07/2011 23:25

If he's had problems in every job he's ever had AND he's a bit useless as a husband, why the hell are you still with him? Need more info.

DuelingFanjo · 17/07/2011 23:26

you posted about this in january too, what has happened since then and is there a reason why you have been holding onto the resentment you feel?

MrBloomsNursery · 17/07/2011 23:26

Where does he work and what is his job?

Original poster
Tiredtrout · 17/07/2011 23:27

And there's more, he eventually through much arguing, weeping and wailing as there were as always other issues, to agree to go to counselling. He was supposed to go to 6 sessions. He cancelled them after 3 but will not admit it.

Last Christmas was my first one off in years. I had arranged to have my parents with us for the first time ever. On the 14th December I discovered that through sheer twattishness my dh had put us £500 over the top of our od. I managed to resolve it but has left us with no credit facilities for the whole year. On the 22nd December my dd aged 13 fell ill, I took her to the doc, I was told it was a touch of flu and told to take her home. She deteriorated so I took her in the next day after she collapsed at home. I was told that she was very poorly and needed to be taken straight to hospital. My dh wouldn't come with me. I drove her to hospital with her vomitting and passing out on the way not necessarily sticking to the highway code. On arrival she was taken into resus and on life support within 2hours. I called my dh he still wouldn't come because of our son. I called my boss at work who sent someone to my house to babysit a d another person to the hospital to check on me. I called my parents and waited for my dh. It took him 3hours to arrive. I was so scared. My parents got to me before he did and they had 50 more miles to do and had never been to the hospital before.

OP posts:
Tchootnika · 17/07/2011 23:29

Ultimatum for attendance at counselling/therapy?

Claw3 · 17/07/2011 23:30

You know the exact dates and everything, obviously a lot of resentment. Why are you still with him?

TheSecondComing · 17/07/2011 23:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheSecondComing · 17/07/2011 23:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RandomMess · 17/07/2011 23:32

well it sounds like it's the end of the road Sad

Greena · 17/07/2011 23:32

Are you pissed, OP?

StealthPolarBear · 17/07/2011 23:32

is your DD OK?

GreenEyesandHam · 17/07/2011 23:34

He doesn't sound like the biggest catch in the world does he?

He must have some good points for you to still be with him, what are they exactly?

Original poster
Tiredtrout · 17/07/2011 23:35

Still more. I did warn this was going to be long I'm currently fucked off in pain and hormonal but I will try and cover everything.

I stayed with dd all night my dad stayed with me and mum stayed with my son. Dh went home after 2 hours. I left at 630 and went back a couple of hours later. I stayed with her all day and I was told that she needed picu in another hospital. Dh left me and said he would meet me there. He didn't turn up till the next day. 3 days later dh picked a fight with me in the hospital and left me there on my own. He can't cope with pressure at all. In work he is the type to know everything and everyone else is a twat.

When dd got out of picu I started to commute to the hospital from home. He notice that I was tired and did one of the visits

OP posts:
TheSnickeringFox · 17/07/2011 23:39

I think OP is pressing post after each incident and then typing furiously away on the next one without reading responses.

OP, you sound very angry. I think you know you need to get out of this mess.