To be fucking fucked off (this will be both lengthy and ranty)

[Tiredtrout]

I currently through no fault of my own appear to be living in a fucking soap opera.

My whole year has been shit and I don't seem to be close to the end of the faecal matter.

I love my dh dearly but he cannot cope with any pressure or criticism at all and is about as resilient as balsa wood. In feb last year he was put on a disciplinary at work for gross misconduct. This has happened in every job he's had since I've known him. I helped him resolve it but while researching the misconduct, his work policies and coaching his spineless useless cunt of a union rep on how to get dh off I said to dh that if he lost his job he would have to go. I can't support the whole household on my wage alone. Thought it would sharpen his mind on growing the fuck up.

My dh held on to that till our 10th anniversary in august last year and chose to get me no card, present, and leave me on my own on a campsite for most of the day. We were on holiday camping, he had packed seperate sleeping bags for us too. His message was quite clear. On our return home he told me he wanted to hurt me for what I'd said, cunt.

Perhaps the Doctor can deal with cancelling all that stuff for you?

NHS information: www.nhs.uk/Conditions/Miscarriage/Pages/Introduction.aspx

But like everyone says, the best start is probably a decent sympathetic GP.

I'm going to talk to my gp, pals, maternity bereavement counsellor to try and find out how I can have my baby to bury myself and the ultrasound dept tomorrow. I've already texted my midwife. I just didn't know that I would be left feeling this angry. I'm so fucked off about all of it. I just can't understand why shit keeps happening to me

Atta girl. Keep your fluids up. I would suggest that unless your mind is whirling and/or your DH is a champion snorer that you give yourself a limit on computing until tomorrow and rather than be on the sofa with your doggie - have a drink then go and spoon your DH or have him hold you for a couple of hours before he has to get up.

So... your miscarriage has been a catalyst to make you consider your job, husband and family issues again?

You are justified in feeling angry. It has been a shitty year. You have not deserved it nor is it remotely fair.

Indeed, nothing unreasonable at all in having a mighty radge under your circumstances.

I hope writing it all down helped take a little of the weight off your mind so you can get some shuteye; you need to sleep to heal.

Off to bed now, 'night.

Shit happens randomly Tt but you have had more than your share. It's normal to feel fucked off it really is.

He is a champion snorer I'm starting to be in pain again. I'm using my phone for this. I'm back on the couch with the dog, a blankie and a cup of tea having taken pain killers.

I feel better for getting this all out. I don't think I had recovered properly from almost losing my daughter. This baby was supposed to be our happy event to wipe the slate clean. I was so excited to be pregnant again and was so enjoying it

I'm sorry T. You must have been scared witless. And now this on top of everything else. As I said it's really not fair.

How's your daughter now? Coming to the end of year 9? Does she know about it all?

I really wish I had something useful to say, life can be so cruel. Its not fair and you have every right to be angry.

Is there anyone you can call to come over tomorrow? You've been through a hell of a lot physically and you need to rest and recuperate

My dd is fully recovered. Both my ds and dd know what has happened and were terrified by what happened they are used to me being the strong one that fixes things and makes everything better. One of my work friends is coming over tomorrow before she starts her late shift. One of my sisters who I supported through her miscarriage has only sent me one fairly generic text, no phone call nothing. I don't get some people or how I'm expected to support them with fuck all in return. I've been holding it all together in front of the kids though

Well done for being strong for the kids. Trying to be kind maybe your sister is close to it and it has brought it back for her. Sorry that she isn't being there for you. And that your hubby only got two days to be with you.
You sound a very strong and capable person. You need time to grieve and rant and grieve. Could your dad cancel your future appointments do you think? He sounds like he has some sense of what you're going through.

Tt I am so sorry to hear what a dreadful time you've been having. I am a bit at the way you have been treated at the hospital. Having suffered a mc myself and been treated with nothing but compassion and kindness by everyone involved, I can't even begin to think how much more difficult it must have been to have your precious, loved baby called 'tissue' and dismissed. Maybe when you are feeling stronger you can make a complaint about the way you were treated.

In the meantime, have some unMN hugs from me ((()))

Thanks hippo

unfortunately mybrains my dad is having surgery on Wednesday himself. According to one of my other sisters he's so distraught about what's happened he's been barely able to talk when away from me. He's such a softy for an ex builder! Mum is clearly not able to so it's down to me while the kids are at school

He sounds lovely. Hope the op goes okay. Get onto pals tomorrow and tell the midwife to get the calls out the way. Keep up the drinks and try to nap during the afternoon.
I am going to have to hit the sack now - 3.10 here and i am up at six - but will log on tomorrow to see how you are doing. Take care of you xxx

That is shit of your dsis but I wonder if shes just got so used to you being the strong one that she has no idea how to be supportive back iyswim? Could you text her and tell her that you need some tlc? She might just be waiting for you to ask

My sis has previously told me she doesn't want a relationship with me and only invites me and my other sisters to family events for my neice and nephew under sufferance. My other sisters have been lovely but we all live far from each other.

Thanks for reading my brains

I'm still thirsty so I'm off for more to drink again but no wine or beer as I would definitely be on my arse

Not sure if you are still there tt. Hope you are getting some rest.

Your posts have made me so sad for you, I had mcs 3-3.5 years ago and I recognise the raw emotion. Don't know how I would have coped with having to be the strong one and keep everything and everyone together plus all the other ghastly stuff you've had to this year.

I always regret that I have nothing of the babies I have lost. Eats at me so I would really push to get even a scan.

I'm so tempted to start into practicalities but I won't. Just send you my deepest sympathy for the loss of your wee one.

Hi pink I'm still here. I feel a bit better for getting it all out. I luckily managed to get the last scan photo from my notes but it took alot of negotiation.

I'm still terribly thirsty and struggling to manage my temperature which is a good reason to go back to the docs

How are you now TT?

Ok had some more of a cry, still fucked off, still feel physically shitty, feel very hot but only in my dressing gown and very thirsty. Think I will need to see the doc tomorrow anyway

FWIW The OP is not drunk her posts are near perfect, hardly a mistake in them grammar and spelling too. Couple of mistakes but we all make them, she makes less than me. She's not drunk she's venting. Please don't minimise this for her.

I know I've been there in many ways the worst when a child is ill and the father wont be at the hospital. That is the biggest pain and hurt. One day you will realise that you just can't do this anymore but that point is different for all of us.

My guess is she is getting close. I feel for you, you are married and single at the same time, I know how that feels. Keep venting, and read back your own posts it will all fall in to place and you will know when the time is right to leave.