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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be fucking fucked off (this will be both lengthy and ranty)

136 replies

Tiredtrout · 17/07/2011 23:16

I currently through no fault of my own appear to be living in a fucking soap opera.

My whole year has been shit and I don't seem to be close to the end of the faecal matter.

I love my dh dearly but he cannot cope with any pressure or criticism at all and is about as resilient as balsa wood. In feb last year he was put on a disciplinary at work for gross misconduct. This has happened in every job he's had since I've known him. I helped him resolve it but while researching the misconduct, his work policies and coaching his spineless useless cunt of a union rep on how to get dh off I said to dh that if he lost his job he would have to go. I can't support the whole household on my wage alone. Thought it would sharpen his mind on growing the fuck up.

My dh held on to that till our 10th anniversary in august last year and chose to get me no card, present, and leave me on my own on a campsite for most of the day. We were on holiday camping, he had packed seperate sleeping bags for us too. His message was quite clear. On our return home he told me he wanted to hurt me for what I'd said, cunt.

OP posts:
Pancakeflipper · 17/07/2011 23:41

Are you still with this guy? If so why?

MumblingRagDoll · 17/07/2011 23:44

Why are you with him still? He obviously doesn't give a shit!

Original poster
Tiredtrout · 17/07/2011 23:45

My dd recovered and I got her home after 3 weeks. I can remember dates cos I'm one of those people and I'm unfortunately not pissed. The whole wedding anniversary thing was because we had a very small wedding and he knew I wanted a blessing to mark our tenth anniversary.

When he is good he's lovely and very supportive but if it's a big issue he struggles.

Anyway in feb this year I discovered that he'd screwed the bank account up again. Luckily my friend lent me money to sort it but we are still paying it back.

In march I started to feel like I was pg, I did loads of tests and I was on the mirena but the feeling never went. I got a positive. I went to the docs again. I had a week from them of you are, you aren't, you might be, you aren't but you might well be poorly. A week later I was told it was nothing and just one of those things.

Because of how we both felt we decided to try for a baby.

My coil was removed and I had a period a couple of weeks later. While at work two weeks after that I was kicked in the belly several times by a girl I was dealing with. I didn't know I was already pg.

OP posts:
FuzzpigFourFiveSix · 17/07/2011 23:45

OP you do sound quite worked up. Or you've been drinking. Or both.

Keep writing, get it all out. You can read through it, and all the replies, in the morning when your head might have cleared.

thenightsky · 17/07/2011 23:46

Gross misconduct would be dismissal. what are the details? did he keep his job and get found innocent?

FuzzpigFourFiveSix · 17/07/2011 23:47

Oh x post, wow yes you really have had a shit year :( I'm sorry.

Claw3 · 17/07/2011 23:48

Sorry makes no sense to me

GreenEyesandHam · 17/07/2011 23:50

So after all this, in March you decided to try for a baby Hmm

mybrainsthinkingfuckyou · 17/07/2011 23:51

You don't sound drunk to me - simply at the end of your rope my love. Keep venting - it will do you good to get it out and see it all written down.
fwiw I am truly sorry you are having a rough time with no support from him.

RCToday · 17/07/2011 23:51

Campings great

ToothbrushThief · 17/07/2011 23:54

I'm with you tiredtrout

But at this point it's obvious that you've been fighting really hard to hold things together hoping that if you do it will all be worth it.

Sadly this DH will never change and may possibly get worse

I could have written similar thread involving finances, job losses and ill health.

I divorced him. My finances are sound, health is improved and I am relaxed

GreenEyesandHam · 17/07/2011 23:56

mybrainsthinkingfuckyou

Ace name Grin TM fan by any chance?

Original poster
Tiredtrout · 17/07/2011 23:56

The misconduct thing was an accusation of taking a vehicle without consent. The allegation didn't meet the offence, he had permission from another manager that was not recorded and he was using it for a business purpose. The allegation was made by one of his managers that he had regular run INS with.

Anyway, still fuming, hope you are all keeping up. At 5 weeks I had a dating scan but it was too early to show a heart beat. I had anothe a couple of weeks later ( my gp is lovely, the one who sent my daughter home, not so much). The baby was lovely and had a heart beat and was in the right place. All was well with the world.

At 9 weeks I started to bleed heavily while at work I went home. During the the night bleeding turned to a gush, I couldn't get to hospital on my own and couldn't leave the kids alone. It stopped I called a doc was told if I felt ok I could go in the morning. We did, I was checked over, had another bleed, was told it was a threatened miscarriage, a scan was booked for the next day. The next day I was scanned I was told it was a haematoma. Baby was fine and that I would continue to bleed. This pattern continued for the next 6 days. The bleeding stopped on the Sunday. I thought I was getting better

OP posts:
ToothbrushThief · 17/07/2011 23:57

green eyes - sometimes it is hard to see a pattern. Written down like this it is glaringly obvious. Day to day she really would not have been able to see this.

GreenEyesandHam · 17/07/2011 23:58

Accepted Toothbrush, sometimes it's easy to judge if you're not involved.

shakey1500 · 18/07/2011 00:01

Keep going TT. I seem to remember something about taking a car without consent. Not sure from where though (as in, not sure where I remember it from)

HappyDoll · 18/07/2011 00:01

I'm tired reading this trout. I'm off to bed and will read through in the am. Dear god I hope this isn't going to end the way it's heading :(

ToothbrushThief · 18/07/2011 00:03

Sorry Trout -also need to sleep
hope venting works well

DioneTheDiabolist · 18/07/2011 00:06

When he is good he's lovely and very supportive but if it's a big issue he struggles.

When things are going well he's brilliant. When they are not, he adds to problems.

Is that what you are saying TT? Because what I have read is the day to day ups and downs of life, made dramatic by your DH's behaviour. He gets jobs, he really messes them up (gross misconduct is not all that easy and your DH has managed it numerous times), DC's get physical problems, but he seems to detract attention from them (at their time of need), you sort out the finances, he messes them up so you have to sort them again.

This sounds like the post of a mother who having a child who is now 15yo has had another. Your DH sounds like he needs a lot of attention.

Original poster
Tiredtrout · 18/07/2011 00:22

Fucking server crashed just as I was getting to the point

the misconduct was resolved.

At 9 weeks I started bleeding heavily. After 2 days I was scanned the baby was fine but I had a haematoma. This kept happening for the whole week. I had 3 scans, I lost alot of blood, my dh was good around the house but couldn't cope with the hospital so I had to get my friends to take me for the scans. The bleeding slowed on the Friday. On the Friday night some cunt tried to break into my house. On the saturday I reported it, they sent round one of my friends who I did the paperwork with. The whole time iwas doing it my fil was there interrupting. He just would not fuck off

OP posts:
Original poster
Tiredtrout · 18/07/2011 00:26

I had another small bleed on the Saturday but didn't worry as I had been told to expect it and had been made out to be a drama queen at the Epu.

The bleeding stopped on the Sunday. On the Monday iwas due in court as pic in a case, I'd worked so hard on it and didn't want it adjourned work couldn't spare anyone to take me as I wasn't supposed to be driving. My dh used his day off to drive me to court an hour away and waited with me all day

OP posts:
DioneTheDiabolist · 18/07/2011 00:28

So your DH is "brilliant" [hhmm] when outsiders are looking, but not so good to those who expect, deserve and warrant him taking responsibility.

Sounds like he runs/hides/distracts when expected to actually do something.

StayingNearlyHeadlessNicksGirl · 18/07/2011 00:29

I will come back and read this in the morning, but right now I wish I could be there with you, to hug you and listen as you pour all this out. I hope that, if nothing else, writing it all out here will help you sort it out in your head.

{{{hugs}}}

BitOfFun · 18/07/2011 00:30

Love, you need to go to bed.

Original poster
Tiredtrout · 18/07/2011 00:34

On Thursday after my ds sports day when I got home I started to feel excruciating pain, it was coming in waves and I knew I was miscarrying bt there was no bleeding. I was hoping in vain. It was more painfull than labour with my children. My dh called an ambulance and they took me in to hospital on blue lights. I was given entonox but it was only just taking the edge off. They took blood, I was found to be very anaemic, even the blood pressure cuff bruised me. I was transferred to gynae where I was refused pain relief and they wouldn't give me any entonox. I lost two litres of blood then they manually removed my baby from me. I was told I had to have surgery that night. They wouldn't let my dh stay with me

OP posts: