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AIBU?

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Original poster

To feel upset about sil not breastfeeding?

1003 replies

wheelygirl · 17/07/2011 12:39

hi, new here so pls be gentle!

My dh's brother and his wife had a baby boy four days ago. She said she had a lovely birth and was out of hospital the next day.

We visited them yesterday at home and sil was bottle feeding. Now, I don't give a shit how people feed their children, I don't have any kids (am pg)But I got quite upset because her ds kept trying to breastfeed from her. He was refusing the bottle and kept nuzzling into her chest. Her breasts were leaking as well and she told me she was hand expressing and chucking it away. I asked her why she didnt give it to her ds and she told me that she doesn't want him to get used to breast milk. He had the formula milk then vomited it back up five minutes later. He was really crying and it made me feel awful when he was turning his head to her breast and opening his mouth.

She then went on to tell me that he hasn't even had colostrum because it was too much of a faff to get him to latch on. Colostrum is the important stuff right?

Why do I feel so upset about this? I felt her ds was doing something so instinctive and she should at least have tried to breastfeed. I understand that some women have great difficulty breastfeeding and formula is a more than adequate alternative but at least try and do it.

Aibu?

OP posts:
razzlebathbone · 19/07/2011 19:21

Given the so-called propensity to gastroenteritis of ff babies then why only a factsheet and not a class? I was told by NCT she would refuse to give any info. In any case a fact sheet is inadequate.

hairfullofsnakes · 19/07/2011 20:03

Add message | Report | Message poster tiktok Tue 19-Jul-11 15:47:59
*Please, Klad - you are out of your depth here. The Carlsen paper has been widely derided, for its science, its methods, its conclusions. Just do a bit more reading and a bit more homework before trawling the web and pouncing on something that appears to back you up.

To people in the field, the very fact you quote Carlsen reveals a risible lack of understanding of the issues on your part.*

Thank God for tiktok and her knowledge on this rubbish carlsen paper

razzlebathbone · 19/07/2011 20:08

And thank god for some of us on here and our knowledge of your rubbish about bottle fed babies.

Hairfullofsnakes - you're either a liar or need to get out more.

Fifis25StottieCakes · 19/07/2011 20:11

been on the liquid gold hair

The point is quote/rubbish as many papers as you like. Most FF ed because they wanted to FF, if not the would have BF

Get it??

razzlebathbone · 19/07/2011 20:27

Exactly Fifi!

And with regard to these so called stats - my bet is that tons of people lie. They say they want to bf but they don't - they think it's what they should say. They say they're breastfeeding when they aren't, for fear of being judged and bullied!

I remember my midwife coming round with my first after not seeing us for a week. The midwife goes 'now there's a breast fed baby if I ever saw one. You don't get bottle fed babies looking as lovely and healthy as that'.

I'd switched to formula over a week previously, but felt too guilty to admit it. But clearly she was talking rubbish anyway. Grin

Kladdkaka · 19/07/2011 20:37

This thread is mad as a bag of frogs. Grown women and mothers determined to pull each other down rather than build each other up. I admit that some of the hurtful, judgmental comments have brought out the worst in me and I have dug in and posted in a manner calculated to annoy 'the other side' the most. To anyone who felt wound up by any of my comments, I'm really sorry.

Tiktok I'm sorry for trying to antagonise you. You are right, I'm not a scientist. (Although I am using the computer in my husband's lab so if you were a hacker and looked up the IP address it would be exactly what I said.)

hairfullofsnakes · 19/07/2011 21:03

Well I haven't been annoyed at all - why would I?! I am very happy with my choice to bf, am glad I persevered with bf, (I recognise and have seen some people have problems with bf too) and I love the way I feel about bf and what I know about how wonderful it is and what it gives my children so that is that. If anything, this has been quite amusing in parts!

saladsandwich · 19/07/2011 21:11

which parts have been amusing

spudulika · 19/07/2011 21:26

"my bet is that tons of people lie. They say they want to bf but they don't - they think it's what they should say"

Interesting point. The stats on initiation of breastfeeding often come from hospitals themselves -they record how women are feeding their baby before they leave. I can't imagine they're that inaccurate?

But there's long been concern with the way breastfeeding is recorded in other studies. For example, many studies don't control properly for amount of breastfeeding, so a baby might be counted as breastfeeding even when it's only getting a couple of breastfeeds a day and the bulk of its intake is formula.

It's interesting that even though this is the case in so many studies in the past, meta-analysis of health outcomes seems better for bf babies, when you think that many of these babies are probably getting very little breastmilk.

But given that even the official stats show only 1 in 10 babies breastfed at year - do you really think that even that very, very low figure is an inflated one? I don't.

Mrsxstitch · 19/07/2011 21:34

I can assure everyone I I have never lied about wanting to bf, neither have I lied about my complete failure as a mother.

lovesicecream · 19/07/2011 22:10

Hairfullofsnakes even if you had anything of value to add to the conversation ( which you don't) after that rediculous I've never seen a ff baby enjoy a bottle statement id be surprised if anyone took you seriously

RavenVonChaos · 19/07/2011 22:18

yes everyone is entitled to feed their child however they like. however, I have to say that breastfeeding is one of the best things I have ever experienced in my whole life and so glad that I got to do it three times. I think that it is sad that women miss out on this amazing experience. so I feel for you and your SIL.

happy4eva · 19/07/2011 22:25

Cows milk
i call it proper cause its what we drink lol
I can gladly say i wouldnt drink breast milk even though its just milk from another type ... Just like i would not eat deer, elephant or even human even though they are just "other" types of food.

O the world we live in eh! :)

soverylucky · 19/07/2011 22:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

girlsrus · 19/07/2011 22:33

I think it's time this thread was put to bed!

Fifis25StottieCakes · 19/07/2011 22:35

hair - change the record

hairfullofsnakes · 20/07/2011 04:45

Fifi there's no need to be so insecure, there there...

Sovery, yes the desperation to try and undermine the benefits of breastmilk has been amusing to me and the constant coming back to me by some people to tell me again and again how 'they just don't care' what I think has been amusing. You don't get that and I don't get why people would not bf if they could. But no, I don't get het up about it at all because I am happy with what I did with regards to bf.

As for the bottle statement I was merely saying that when I gave my child a bottle of ebm it didn't feel in anyway the same as bf and I did say I'm my personal experience bottle feeding did not seem enjoyable as my child didn't like it and I didn't find it as close or as warm as breasfeeding either so it was also amusing to see others jump continuously and say that I had said bottle feeding was not enjoyable to anyone when I only said it was my personal experience of it and that to me it wasn't a close thing to me or child so it didn't seem as nice as bf. What's wrong withe saying that? Oh I know, there's nothing wrong with that as it's my opinion! Grin

MrsFruitcake · 20/07/2011 07:19

Haven't read the whole thread, but yes, OP, YABVU. Mind your own business.

Zimm · 20/07/2011 07:37

Die thread die!

hairfullofsnakes · 20/07/2011 07:40

Lol at Zimm! Grin

pommedechocolat · 20/07/2011 07:42

And sometimes bf is not close or warm for the mother and the baby doesn't enjoy it hair....

As I said somewhere 5 million posts ago - a million shades of grey no black and white.

stillorsparkling · 20/07/2011 07:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

hairfullofsnakes · 20/07/2011 08:00

I didn't say it was pomme...

I said it was for me. I do however think that if bf can be achieved it is a lovely lovely thing for a baby. Mine loved it and I have seen many babies enjoy it and be really excited at the though of it. Yes of course I have seen babies struggle with the breast (both mine went through a phase of it, but in my personal case I managed to get though it and it turned out fine but of course not all do and seem better with a bottle) too. My personal feelings when I see a little baby with a bottle rather than a boob is it doesn't look natural or enjoyable - that is just my feeling on it

spudulika · 20/07/2011 08:29

Still - I think what you mean is it doesn't make a PERCEIVABLE difference for individuals. But then neither does eating a shit diet full of transfats and refined carbs, as evidenced by large numbers of children at my dc's school.

As far as I'm concerned this is primarily a quality of life issue for babies.

razzlebathbone · 20/07/2011 08:35

So you ARE saying ANY baby doesn't look like it's enjoying a bottle. Not just your own.

This so called 'defensiveness' is because you continue to express your opinions by feeling 'sad' or 'sorry' for us and our babies. If you can't see how patronising and insensitive that is then you need a lesson in empathy and tact. And by your contstant goading it's as if you are challenging us to be doormats.

You think that stating that it's because it's your 'opinion' you are entitled to it and to express it. Rubbish. You are entitled to informed opinions about breastfeeding 'on a public health level' but as you know nothing of our children you should keep your nose out of business you don't understand when it comes to these fake feelings you profess to have for them.

You are incredibly offensive. How dare you feel sorry or sad for my children.

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