To feel upset about sil not breastfeeding?

[wheelygirl]

hi, new here so pls be gentle!

My dh's brother and his wife had a baby boy four days ago. She said she had a lovely birth and was out of hospital the next day.

We visited them yesterday at home and sil was bottle feeding. Now, I don't give a shit how people feed their children, I don't have any kids (am pg)But I got quite upset because her ds kept trying to breastfeed from her. He was refusing the bottle and kept nuzzling into her chest. Her breasts were leaking as well and she told me she was hand expressing and chucking it away. I asked her why she didnt give it to her ds and she told me that she doesn't want him to get used to breast milk. He had the formula milk then vomited it back up five minutes later. He was really crying and it made me feel awful when he was turning his head to her breast and opening his mouth.

She then went on to tell me that he hasn't even had colostrum because it was too much of a faff to get him to latch on. Colostrum is the important stuff right?

Why do I feel so upset about this? I felt her ds was doing something so instinctive and she should at least have tried to breastfeed. I understand that some women have great difficulty breastfeeding and formula is a more than adequate alternative but at least try and do it.

Aibu?

Also, due to modern living, many women's breastmilk is deficient in vitamin D. Formula isn't.

i'd like to see a study done on the breast fed babies from my village and the breast fed babies from a middle class affluent area, i can guarantee the results would differ

They are not always taken into account, I've taken part in studies where non of those sorts of questions have been asked it depends who's conducting them

Do you mean social class has an effect on outcomes for babies saladsandwich? That is true however they are fed.

DUCKDODGERS AND MILAMAE... defensive? much?!

its great you are happy with your choices - just seems a tad defensive the way you come on a shout judgy pants and live with it because someone feels differently about bf and formula. yep, i don't get why someone would not give their child the goodness of breast milk if they could and yes, i do judge it, im not asking anyone to care that i do or feel affected by it, but i sure do judge it.

judge away

razzle, are you advocating formula over breast milk now? i don't really understand what you are trying to say?

think i'll stick with the liquid gold that is breast milk

there are plenty woman on here who are saying they wish they hadnt stuck with the 'liquid gold'

just because you did doesnt mean they should have

Hairful - you and me obviously have a different definition of defensive then, Im as far as away from defensive as you can get. Stating my opinion about my choices is not defensive but simply my voice against a background of judgement and nasty comments because I didnt want to bf, ever. So judge away - does that make you feel superior to me then

You are trying to push your views on others, instead of just accepting others dont think the same as you.

Well, I am happy to think the way I do about breastfeeding and that women should do it if they can. You are happy with your choices and I am with mine so that's all that matters. I will never understand how some women just dismiss breastfeeding if they can do it and there is no substitute that can ever be like breastmilk so I am just glad I stuck with it.

ok maybe bad wording on my part but what i'm getting at;
my skanky evil cousin who had her chidren took off her and neglected her children breast fed 1 as behaviour issues and lives with nan, 1 is dead and 1 was adopted, can't see those kids being able to be compared properly to a child from an affluent area who was breast fed or formula fed, i cant believe these studies because there is so many different issues for children, unique issues.

ok duckdodgers, great! seems a tad defensive to me to say i have made nasty comments just because i am stating what i believe! but hey ho, each to their own. i am not trying to push my view on others and what is important to me is that my dc had breastmilk and were breastfed and that is what matters to me. although i do feel sorry for children who are not breastfed or have breastmilk but it doesn't consume my days!!!!!!!!!!!!

i personally wouldn't use the term "liquid gold" i know something else called that and certainly wouldn't give it to my son :)

Well good for you that your happy that Im happy But every single post you make drips of judgement and smugness - like above "there is no substitute ever like bm" - never claimed there was at the end of the day. But since youve spoke openly now about how much you judge people like me who choose never to bf I think that says more about you than how any of my boys were fed. Judge as much as you like, doesnt make you a better Mum than anyone else here.

save your pity for your own kids who will need it when they are choosing how to feed their future children because god knows how you'd cope if they didn't pick what YOU believe they should pick for their child.

Hairful - it really doesn't suprise me that you don't understand what I'm 'trying' to say.

I am saying that you're not the only one with statistics and studies. Or ignoring them.

Liquid gold, eh? Breastmilk may prevent some ill health - in some cases and if you eliminate all other contributing factors and the random nature of chance - but there is no evidence that it causes good health.

No study can unequivocally prove that breastmilk alone is responsible for anything.

i didnt say it did duckdodgers. you are happy, great! go and be happy!
i am more than happy with how i am thanks and how i feel on the whole bf issue.

salad -were you not the one who said earlier that one day they would have a formula like breastmilk? that will never happen love - breastmilk is always changing and adapting to the infant it feeds and the antibodies respond to the infant's needs. breastmilk cannot be replicated.

It;s late and I can't read all 34 pages - but I was sad when SIL openly said she didn't want to bf so her dd could go to grandparents every weekend - which she did.

no need to worry about my children salad, i am sure they will choose the best for their children whatever that is and i will be there supporting them. yes, they will know the benefits of breastfeeding, thank god for that.

Oh hairful read my post - I said against a background of nasty comments because this is what has happened on this thread - at no point in the post did I say you had made a nasty comment - unless you see something I dont

And you are trying to push your views on others with your posting style whether you realise it or not, how you fed your children is not all that matters to you. I couldnt give a flying you know what you fed your kids, so I fail to understand why you get so het up and constantly have to repeat "I really dont understand why you dont even try" type comments, whats so hard about accepting we all think differently?

At no point ever did I want to put my boob in any of my babies mouths.

lolll but you have no idea what they can do in the future, no idea what so ever

&salad

'Liquid Gold'

www.liquid-gold-poppers.co.uk/ you say

no need to worry about my children salad, i am sure they will choose the best for their children whatever that is and i will be there supporting them. yes, they will know the benefits of breastfeeding, thank god for that.

Haha I bet they will, it probably gets read out to them every night like a bed time story. And yes Im being sarcastic because thats how you are coming across here.

i simply stated that i dont get it, that's all. at the end of the day, i am happy that i gave my children breastmilk and i will be proud to tell them i did so because of the benefits and i love the enjoyment they got from breastfeeding (something i have never seen with bottlefeeding).

think how you like, if it makes you feel better to imagine me het up, great, but i am not at all, i just dont get it and really i am glad i dont and i am so glad i breastfed/breastfeed.

anyway, time for bed i think

ok salad, if it makes you feel better to think they can do that, you do so my love

there there!

now, where is that bedtime story on breastfeeding? duckdodgers! give it back!