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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think urinating in the bedroom after a night out drinking is far from normal

170 replies

marl · 17/07/2011 10:19

OK, hoping here to get some wise advice from any of you that know about this, personally, medically or alcohol related. After a week of having hardly any sleep due to DS2 and 3, I was woken at 2.30am by DP throwing things around the bedroom and then crouching at the end of the bed weeing. I ended up turning all lights on, screaming at him and speaking to him like a child (but much more rudely) and eventually making him get to the toilet. He was so drunk after a night out with a friend that he really didn't seem to react appropriately to any of this and I ended up stomping around clearing up the carpet, as I didn't think he'd be capable.

I am so fuming and disgusted about this I can hardly speak to him. Added to which while he had no memory of it this morning and has apologised, he doesn't seem to be very disgusted and he says men who are pissed often do things like this eg in the wardrobe. I have never known him do this, and certainly no other men in my past.

He is someone who does seem to suddenly tip over the edge when he drinks alcohol and get very silly and beligerent - almost like an allergy. When I first met him some years ago I did wonder if he might be/become an alcoholic - I thought he seemed to have a strange reaction to it. But nothing has ever materialised on that front and on a normal week he just drinks reasonably 'normally', though when he has a big night out he still seems to have the same reaction. Amusing to some but certainly not last night. Thinking of decamping to my mums tonight in protest and also to get an unbroken night after being woken up by him and both DCs last night...

OP posts:
catinthehat2 · 17/07/2011 16:34

I've lived in the uk all my life and I have never heard such bullshit about this behaviour being common/normal. Or that wifey cleans up afterwards.
I have literally never heard of this embarrassingly abnormal behaviour except on MN.
Tbh, unless there is some sort of genetic sleepwalking type issue, I wouldn't knowingly even associate with the lowlife men & women who think this is the done thing. And I can't imagine any friend or relative of mine being weak minded enough to associate with them either.
It's pathetic.

octopusinabox · 17/07/2011 17:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FannyFifer · 17/07/2011 18:02

Bloody hell if you are so drunk you don't know where you are pissing then yes you have an alcohol problem and should not drink.
I am shocked by this thread, it is NOT normal behaviour, a grown adult pissing randomly around the house? WTF!
What about a man hitting you, I guess if he is drunk that is acceptable as well?

No fucking wonder this country has such a bad reputation re alcohol, people don't seem to really know what alcohol abuse actually is.

ledkr · 17/07/2011 18:28

Its not normal but it is common imho. My ex h did this on several occasions and id say it was very significant in the eventual breakdown of our marriage,i dreaded social occasions as i had to keep an eye on what he drank and then be accused of nagging,i hated holidays,weddings and staying at friends houses in case he did it. I am now with someone who drinks normally and can finally enjoy a social life.
I dont think it indicates anything more serious than a complete lack of self control and concern for others.
Its no different to people puking all over the place when they drink to excess,both equally as vile.

elah11 · 17/07/2011 18:45

I must live in a different universe than most people because I definitely dont think its normal to piss or shit yourself while drunk (or indeed anytime!). Its gross and disgusting and I cant imagine dh doing anything like that in a million years. He would have a drink no problem but would never get so drunk as to behave like that. I know I am coming across like a prude or something but I am actually shocked, not so much that it happens, but that so many people think its normal and acceptable Shock

SparklyCloud · 17/07/2011 18:55

jellihejj, you can't be serious? I find it disgusting behaviour from a grown man. Does it not turn you off your partner??

SmethwickBelle · 17/07/2011 19:04

If it happened once I'd let it go, but expect much cleaning up on his part - more than once I'd be furious, not remotely normal in this house.

It's bad enough the children pissing where they shouldn't when they're potty training, I'm not wiping up after grown men.

JaceyBee · 17/07/2011 19:10

"Why do you never hear of women peeing in strange places after a night out??"

My friend once strolled butt naked into her flatmates bedroom (while said flatmate was wide awake in bed with her boyfriend) climbed into her wardrobe, squatted down and pissed over all her shoes. And another time she pissed in the middle of the corridor of a hotel. To be fair, she was young then and I don't think she does it anymore.

Another friend I have who is a bloke was caught by his mates dad just about to piss all over his computer. Sadly I think it is pretty common. But like others have said, no way for a proper grown up with a family to behave. I would go fucking mental if anyone did this in my house.

begonyabampot · 17/07/2011 19:11

it shouldn't be seen as 'normal' and yes, this country has a huge drink problem. In many other countries it would be seen to be quite shameful to drink the way we do in the UK where it's 'normal' for people to lose control, vomit, piss, have black outs, resort to violence'. I drink too much on occasion and have done some of the above - we shouldn't be accepting it as normal. Is this really how we want our kids to deal with and view drinking?

GreenEyesandHam · 17/07/2011 19:17

This was common in my experience when I was a child, but then there were alcoholics in my family.

Not saying that it must mean anyone who does this must be an alcoholic, but I don't think it's 'normal'; neither my husband, my exes or anyone I know does this (though I suppose it's not something that you drop into conversation over a coffee Grin).

Bunbaker · 17/07/2011 19:18

"I've never heard of anyone doing this, male or female, except on MN and don't have any experience of it in real life"

Me neither. I think this is just gross. OH and I like a drink, but we never get paralytic. The after effects are too off putting.

saggarmakersbottomknocker · 17/07/2011 19:37

Yes - I take the point about 'common' rather than 'normal' which I think I put. It is a sad indictment that it's either of those things,

whackamole · 17/07/2011 19:45

Absolutely vile, but not uncommon. Although, the blokes that I knew that have done this were all early twenties at the time. Admittedly don't know if they stopped doing it or just stopped talking about it!

bigwombat · 17/07/2011 19:55

Ex-h did this several times, he was definitely an alcoholic at the time. Also smashed stuff up about the house (eg the oven), beat me up and generally had totally lost control. All part and parcel of a drink problem, shouldn't just be overlooked as normal imo.

hiddenhome · 17/07/2011 20:02

I worked with a care assistant whos husband peed on the baby whilst the baby was asleep in the moses basket Shock

ledkr · 17/07/2011 20:16

Did she murder him hiddenhome?

smartyparts · 17/07/2011 20:16

Not normal - completely disgusting and unacceptable.

But I have at least 2 friends who have confessed to their dh's doing this. Shock

I just can't fathom anyone getting that pissed.

messagetoyourudy · 17/07/2011 20:24

Hmmm, I am sorry to add my voice of knowing people who have done this - my DH has tried to do this, we moved house and he was very drunk/tired after a night out with his brother following the house move - cue me waking to him trying to open the wardrobe door, telling me that he was going for a wee and not listening to me saying it wasn't the door to the bathroom.

NattersAndMutters · 17/07/2011 20:58

It's definitely akin to sleepwalking in my experience, have known several blokes who have done this occasionally. Not 'randomly' pissing in inappropriate places, it seems they genuinely think they're in the toilet, hence the opening of cupboard doors and the like. A friend of mine after a party once pissed on an armchair, after carefully lifting up the cushion!

It's not nice, no, but as long as it's not a regular occurrence I wouldn't regard it as a "problem" of any kind, other than the obvious.

I have myself come very, very close to wetting the bed when I have vividly dreamed I had got up, gone to the bathroom etc ... luckily woke in the nick of time and realised I was still in bed Blush

Bunsouttheoven · 17/07/2011 21:31

Agree with those saying it is linked to sleepwalking/disorientation brought on by too much alcohol.

Revolting - yes
Deserved of an utter blocking & cold shoulder - yes
Drink problem in a one off - of course not
Symptom of previous abuse - insanity!

And crikey Animation you are utterly OTT

My Dp has done this once when in his early 20's, wasn't drunk but disoriented/asleep. I heard the sound & half asleep thought I'd left the window open & it was raining Grin

Woke to find DP looking worried as had a half memory/dream of peeing but felt sure he hadn't left the room. Suffice to say he had not & I had some very wet candles & stereo.

I forgave him, actually he felt so bad & Blush I didn't feel the need to be cross.

prudaloo · 17/07/2011 21:39

I know someone who got very drunk at a friend's house and peed on the gas fire. The friend's parents were horrified.

TheFeministsWife · 17/07/2011 21:45

Not normal no. My mum has said my dad did this a few times when he was drunk when they were young. Thankfully my DH has never done it, but I have had to clean up a bed were someone has pissed themselves when drunk. (not me lol).

Animation · 17/07/2011 21:49

"And crikey Animation you are utterly OTT"

Hey Bunsoutheoven

I tell you what's OTT and ABNORMAL - drinking that much that you have to PISS ON THE CARPET!!

PISSING ON THE CARPET is AB fucking NORMAL!!

Did you get that -

Drinking that much that you PISS on the carpet!!

Animation · 17/07/2011 21:53

If you've got a skin full - sleep walking my ARSE!!

StewieGriffinsMom · 17/07/2011 21:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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