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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think urinating in the bedroom after a night out drinking is far from normal

170 replies

marl · 17/07/2011 10:19

OK, hoping here to get some wise advice from any of you that know about this, personally, medically or alcohol related. After a week of having hardly any sleep due to DS2 and 3, I was woken at 2.30am by DP throwing things around the bedroom and then crouching at the end of the bed weeing. I ended up turning all lights on, screaming at him and speaking to him like a child (but much more rudely) and eventually making him get to the toilet. He was so drunk after a night out with a friend that he really didn't seem to react appropriately to any of this and I ended up stomping around clearing up the carpet, as I didn't think he'd be capable.

I am so fuming and disgusted about this I can hardly speak to him. Added to which while he had no memory of it this morning and has apologised, he doesn't seem to be very disgusted and he says men who are pissed often do things like this eg in the wardrobe. I have never known him do this, and certainly no other men in my past.

He is someone who does seem to suddenly tip over the edge when he drinks alcohol and get very silly and beligerent - almost like an allergy. When I first met him some years ago I did wonder if he might be/become an alcoholic - I thought he seemed to have a strange reaction to it. But nothing has ever materialised on that front and on a normal week he just drinks reasonably 'normally', though when he has a big night out he still seems to have the same reaction. Amusing to some but certainly not last night. Thinking of decamping to my mums tonight in protest and also to get an unbroken night after being woken up by him and both DCs last night...

OP posts:
lachesis · 17/07/2011 10:38

I can't imagine being that rubbered, and I've drunk to the point of stupification many times.

tabulahrasa · 17/07/2011 10:39

DP did it once, about 12 years ago - in his defence if he'd turned right slightly later ( coming down the hall) he would have been standing over the toilet.

But I have heard of other people doing it too, as a one off i don't think it's that big a deal ( after I'd calmed down, at the time I was really angry though)

ghosteditor · 17/07/2011 10:40

Sympathies! My DH has never done this and it's foul, but unfortunately I'm aware of lots of blokes who've done this (and worse) when v. drunk. Though mostly they've been involved in some way in the military and I wonder if there's a bit of a live-in drinking culture that makes them more likely to admit it.

Whether he remembers it or not I think he needs to spend some serious time and energy making it up to you today! Can you just make it very clear that you find his occasional heavy drinking night deeply unattractive and talk to him about reining himself in?

Animation · 17/07/2011 10:40

Pigletmania - I say SERIOUS drink issues if you set out to get comatosed and then go piss on your carpet, bed or settee!

squeakytoy · 17/07/2011 10:40

I have heard of blokes doing this, when extremely drunk.. it is certainly not unheard of. Nor is it deliberate.

I also think the suggestion of possible past sexual abuse is a bit OTT...

Men can (and do) nip behind bushes, doorways etc, to relieve themselves, (grim as it is) with a lot more ease than women, and in their drunken sub-conciousness are probably thinking they are stood at a urinal, not the end of a bed or the wardrobe.

Plenty of people occasionally get extremely drunk, and most will say "never again" yet still go on to do it again... its not a crime, nor is it an indication of a serious drink problem. Lots of people cant handle their drink very well, yet still enjoy getting pissed now and again.

However, having said all that, you have every right to be fuming with him Op, simply for being an inconsiderate git, and disturbing your sleep.

chibi · 17/07/2011 10:40

See, in this country it is totally normal. Maybe there is some kind of therapy to help the partners of pissers learn to embrace and endorse their nocturnal excretions Hmm

Loonytoonie · 17/07/2011 10:42

Can you imagine the repercussions should it be a 'us' who drinks to excess, get's totally confused and squats down somewhere in our homes? I'm quietly livid this morning OP that this almost happened again in my home last night. DH is still in bed, sleeping it off.

Blush sorry to storm in with my temper OP onto your thread. But your post has coincidentally touched a very raw nerve. I hope you can get your DH to admit that he drinks too much, or even feel embarrassed.

papermate · 17/07/2011 10:42

totally grosse, but i know many who do it - i thought my dh and his mates were just in an odd group, as they all have the odd blip, but I feel quite chilled that they are not alone.

i dont sleep when my dh is hammered as he wanders off somewhere and takes a tinkle, (I normally guide him to avoid wet patches) when I ask him what he is doing, he gets realy ratty with me!

susiedaisy · 17/07/2011 10:42

My friends hubby peed on her lovely new bedroom rug after a very heavy drinking session, he had absolutely no idea where he was, and we had one of my exH friends sleep on our sofa once after a night out and he peed on that, took me ages to get the smell and stains out, I was not happy!!

catgirl1976 · 17/07/2011 10:42

I had a female friend at uni who would get drunk, pull a bloke and wet his bed. Every time (and there must have been 30+ occasions). She ALWAYS blamed the poor unsuspecting man. It was not good Hmm. I don't think she had a drink problem but she definatley had a bladder problem.

pigletmania · 17/07/2011 10:43

animation as I said it is normal if its a one off! But if it happens on a regular basis than its not. I used to be a student and have seen and hear about it. Yes some people do stupid things when drunk but it does not mean they have a drink problem if its a rearity or a one off.

Animation · 17/07/2011 10:43

"nor is it an indication of a serious drink problem"

Yes it is.

pigletmania · 17/07/2011 10:44

Exactly squeaky

pommedechocolat · 17/07/2011 10:44

It is an indication of having totally overstepped the mark THAT night. In isolation not a drinking problem.

Animation · 17/07/2011 10:44

No, it's not normal as a one of. I disagree.

catgirl1976 · 17/07/2011 10:44

No animation - it isn't. Are you honestly saying that if a person gets drunk only once in their entire life and during that drinking loses bladder control, but never drinks to that level again they have a "serious drinking problem"?

Animation · 17/07/2011 10:45

Getting comatosed drunk is NOT 'normal'.

pommedechocolat · 17/07/2011 10:45

I think the majority of the adult male population would be in aa in that case :)

pigletmania · 17/07/2011 10:46

no its not, blimey. I said if it happens regularly not on a rear occasion. Cant people get pissed every now and again without them having drink issues Hmm. Yes if they bing drink every weekend it is a problem, not getting pissed once in a while, on a stag, hen or birthday party. I do get pissed every now and again, (twice a year on average) do i have a drink problem, no. I dont touch the stuff between then Hmm

2rebecca · 17/07/2011 10:47

People prone to sleepwalk sometimes urinate in weird places as they think that place is the toilet and people with a tendency to sleepwalk may do it more when drunk.
If he's not a sleepwalker and was just drunk and lazy then it's inexcusable and I'd be telling him to sleep elsewhere if he gets that drunk again.

squeakytoy · 17/07/2011 10:47

Animation, it is NOT an indication of a serious drink problem. It is an indication of someone who got pissed, albeit intentionally or without realising how pissed they were until it was too late...

How many of us have occasionally gone out, intending to get slightly pissed, and have a great night out, but ended up shitfaced, it happens.. it isnt a crime, nor is it a drink problem if it is an occasional thing.

Animation · 17/07/2011 10:47

Catgirl - if you get blind drunk only once in your life - I agee that's not a serious drink problem.

It is NOT normal to get that drunk you pee anywhere in your house.

NOT normal.

catgirl1976 · 17/07/2011 10:48

Getting comatosed drunk is however, extremely common. And the majority of people to whom it happens do not have a drinking problem.

SardineQueen · 17/07/2011 10:48

I also know loads of people who have done this. It is gross though.

Fortunately no-one I've been with has ever done it though, but lots of friends partners have.

pigletmania · 17/07/2011 10:48

Blimy Animation one only has to be drunk not comatose to pee in a wardrobe. They come back from wherever they are, forget to use the loo, go to sleep than sleepwalk to what they think is the loo and go in there.