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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to think urinating in the bedroom after a night out drinking is far from normal

170 replies

marl · 17/07/2011 10:19

OK, hoping here to get some wise advice from any of you that know about this, personally, medically or alcohol related. After a week of having hardly any sleep due to DS2 and 3, I was woken at 2.30am by DP throwing things around the bedroom and then crouching at the end of the bed weeing. I ended up turning all lights on, screaming at him and speaking to him like a child (but much more rudely) and eventually making him get to the toilet. He was so drunk after a night out with a friend that he really didn't seem to react appropriately to any of this and I ended up stomping around clearing up the carpet, as I didn't think he'd be capable.

I am so fuming and disgusted about this I can hardly speak to him. Added to which while he had no memory of it this morning and has apologised, he doesn't seem to be very disgusted and he says men who are pissed often do things like this eg in the wardrobe. I have never known him do this, and certainly no other men in my past.

He is someone who does seem to suddenly tip over the edge when he drinks alcohol and get very silly and beligerent - almost like an allergy. When I first met him some years ago I did wonder if he might be/become an alcoholic - I thought he seemed to have a strange reaction to it. But nothing has ever materialised on that front and on a normal week he just drinks reasonably 'normally', though when he has a big night out he still seems to have the same reaction. Amusing to some but certainly not last night. Thinking of decamping to my mums tonight in protest and also to get an unbroken night after being woken up by him and both DCs last night...

OP posts:

catgirl1976 · 17/07/2011 11:01

Of course it is not acceptable behaviour, especially in a "grown up". I am sure the OP is making that fact very clear to her DH right now. But he is not a big drinker, this is not a regular occurence and he doesn't have a drinking problem. He went out, got too drunk and made a fool of himself by doing something grim. A mistake yes, but a one off.

ApocalypseCheeseToastie · 17/07/2011 11:02

Calm down, it's a one off and not unusual, I know of a few people who have peed in wardrobes. Women included.

OTOH my friends dh pisses on the sofa every single week. He's ruined one entirely, that is a problem and i'd have booted him out the door long ago if he were mine.

Animation · 17/07/2011 11:04

Catgirl - in the OP's case it is not a one off in a life time. She has long suspected he was an 'alcoholic'.

altinkum · 17/07/2011 11:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Animation · 17/07/2011 11:06

You might do it as a student, but if you're still doing it years down the line you have a PROBLEM WITH ALCOHOL.

lachesis · 17/07/2011 11:07

Oh you're just a disgusting low life.

catgirl1976 · 17/07/2011 11:09

Well she does mention "on a big night out" he goes over the top so perhaps it is more than a one off but from the sound of his normal drinking it really doesn't sound like he has a problem. If he is getting steaming drunk on a regular basis then maybe he does and she should get some proper advice on this - if this is the case then at the least he is being selfish. If it is a one off though and as she says, her initial fears about his drinking have never materialised in to anything and he only has a few beers / wine in the week then there is probably not a problem.

Before I was pg I used to drink at least 1 bottle of wine every single night often more. I think some people would immediatley class that as "a problem" but I was able to stop completely and instantly without batting an eyelid so it really does depend on the person.

SuePurblybilt · 17/07/2011 11:10

If I was with someone who pissed or shat themselves, excluding medical reasons obv, I'd consider it a deal breaker. Perhaps as a one-off, when young and foolish and if very very sorry afterwards, there would be an exception. But at my age (30s) - nope.
I couldn't be with someone who wanted to get so off their tits they lost complete control of their boldily functions and thought that it was part of a good night out.

Animation · 17/07/2011 11:12

Catgirl - maybe you did have a problem at the time - but you sorted it!

TidyDancer · 17/07/2011 11:14

BIL's girlfriend has done this multiple times when drunk, so it's not just men. She's a monumental moron at the best of times, but this is one of the worst things in her repetoire.

DP has never (thankfully) done it, and if he did, we would be having a serious conversation.

catgirl1976 · 17/07/2011 11:14

No.....didn't have a problem. Nothing to sort. Just enjoyed wine and then when I found out I was pregnant chose not to drink alcohol.

lachesis · 17/07/2011 11:14

I agree, SuePurly.

LIZS · 17/07/2011 11:15

yuck

Animation · 17/07/2011 11:16

"No.....didn't have a problem. Nothing to sort. Just enjoyed wine and then when I found out I was pregnant chose not to drink alcohol."

Why did you stop?

lachesis · 17/07/2011 11:17

I used to drink like that, too, catgirl. At least a bottle of wine a night and at weekends, even more. It was nothing to down two bottles a night to me.

Never once pissed at home outside a toilet and if a man I was with did this, that would have been the end for me.

catgirl1976 · 17/07/2011 11:18

I stopped because I was pregnant. I also stopped eating Brie and rare steaks but I didnt have an issue with those either.

shakey1500 · 17/07/2011 11:19

Fortunately dh has never done this BUT has got rip roaringly drunk. And I'd go so far as to say he definitely had an alcohol problem in the early part of our marriage. I think age has something to do with it as well. He drinks an nth of what he used to but recently went out "with the lads" from work (new job). He staggered in having spent a fortune on a taxi because he fell asleep on the train and was mortified. He said the alcohol had just hit him, he told the rest he had to go and heard them laughing at him as he staggered down the road.

He is older than them and, by his own admission, has realised that he is simply not able to handle it any more. He is in mourning (!) as it's like he's waving goodbye to a part of his life (yawn) and it's time to "wise up gal" :)

lachesis · 17/07/2011 11:21

I stopped because I suspected I was pregnant. Three days before I was due on, I went on a vodka bender and got sick, something I almost never did (made it to the toilet).

Next morning, I thought I might be up the duff so I stopped and took a test the day I was due.

thefirstMrsDeVere · 17/07/2011 11:24

My friend's OH is a lovely bloke but he does this everytime he gets drunk.

He therefore doesnt get drunk very often because she is a tough east end gal and would cut his bollock off.

JulyOrAugustThatIsTheQuestion · 17/07/2011 11:40

OK so as the daughter of someone who does have a drink problem and has done this (and wet the bed) and the wife of someone who has done this, I can confidently say that this is not a sign of a drink problem. Yes both Dad and DH have done it but their drinking habits are VERY different, they've both just done it through too much alcohol, that's the 'only' similarity but plenty of people can drink too much but not have a drink problem.

All of that said, when DH has done it I've gone NUTS!!!!!!!!! Unfortunately it's not been a one off but by no means a regular thing. It's more a case that if that if DH drinks the same thing/quantity again then it may well happen again as the alcohol can have that effect on him. It certainly isn't uncommon though, I've heard of lots of people doing it.

My post probably sounds quite flippant but it's not meant to and like I said when DH has done it I've gone completely nuts, especially as I'm even more sensitive to it because of my dad BUT I really don't want you to think that means it's a drink problem, there's a very big difference, BUT it doesn't mean you shouldn't be incredibly angry with DH and make him feel terrible about it......if possible.

Might make you laugh to know that DH has got a bit 'lost' before too when staying at my mum and dads. We were all very drunk after a party, I was busy being sick (DH and brothers thouht it was funny to put vodka in my bubbles without me knowing) when DH got up for the loo. Instead of finding his way back to my room though, he found his way to my brothers room and got into bed with my brother and SIL.........none of them had any clothes on. My SIL then woke my brother to tell him there was a strange man in the bed, to which my brother screamed like a girl. Due to me being too busy being sick, it left only my mum to 'rescue' my brother and SIL (whilst trying to cover her eyes) and return DH to the correct room. Needless to say there were a few sore heads in the morning but no embarassment what so ever from DH......it does take quite a lot for him to blush!! Lol. :)

Karbea · 17/07/2011 11:48

It's disgusting, I once finished with a boyfriend after he did this, I was about 20 and fed up with him, but that was the last straw.
I'd kill dh if he did it.

DoMeDon · 17/07/2011 12:00

It's not nice but it does happen.

Bed, wardrobe, top of stairs, on top of closed toilet seat lid and all over me!!! It stopped when he stopped drinking whiskey!

rocketleaf · 17/07/2011 12:01

Not unheard of. My DH once pissed in the kitchen bin thinking it was the toilet, but that was years ago (he was only 22) and well before we had children. (chibi, of course it was me who had to clear it up and I was LIVID!!) I read him the riot act and he never did it again. He did have a propensity to get blind drunk back then and do stupid things (like come home at 4 am on a wed night) but he has grown out of it now. However, he does have a tipping point and has learnt not to get that drunk anymore especially mixing drinks (or face the consequences!) I also worried that it might turn into a problem but luckily it hasn't and I am as much to blame as I used to be able to drink him under the table. I also had a friend at Uni who's fella regularly pissed in the wardrobe when drunk. Its definitely not acceptable though, making him sort out the carpet etc is a good idea imo.

Catgirl, I had a friend at Uni who did that once, on the first 'date' with her future DP. Luckily she sleep walked into his housemates empty bed who was away for the weekend, so she didn't pee all over her future DP but was still mortified of course. We all thought it was hilarious! (and he must have REALLY liked her)

Animation · 17/07/2011 12:16

Pigletmania - what do you mean by 'normal'? How is it normal for a grown man to piss on the carpet?

How 'normal!??

Animation · 17/07/2011 12:17

Do you mean 'common' rather than 'normal'?

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