Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 ··· 15 16

Original poster

babies last name.

376 replies

spookshowangel · 14/07/2011 16:38

i kept my husband last name after we separated and i intend to keep it. i met my husband when i was 17 and we were together for 10 yrs, married for 7. we have now been separated for 2. its the name my 3 children have and its my name as far as i am concerned, some people were quite surprised that i didnt go back to my maiden name but that wasnt me any more. so now i am pregnant with my new partner i intend to give the baby my last name. many people are shocked at this because ultimately it is my exH name. i explain to them that its my name but they think its quite wrong and dont think dp should or will stand for it (we havent discussed it yet). so mumsnet jury aibu to give my baby my married last name iyswim?

OP posts:

Original poster

spookshowangel · 14/07/2011 20:11

robins why is it more odd for a man to take a womans name than a womans to take a mans?

OP posts:

Robins · 14/07/2011 20:36

My point is a man taking another man's name and his children taking another man's name too i.e. his wife's ex husband. That is my main point. Oh I'm off!
I role with the time but give me tradition any day! What is odd about tradition?

EricNorthmansMistressOfPotions · 14/07/2011 20:40

I thought it was a bit odd at first but no, it's your name and you have the right to give your child your name. No biggie really. He's so ridiculously reasonable anyway that he already assumed it would have your name :)

EricNorthmansMistressOfPotions · 14/07/2011 20:40

What is odd about tradition? Loads

Ephiny · 14/07/2011 20:50

I don't think it's wrong or odd at all. The name you use is your name, regardless of whether you had it from birth or since your marriage or anything else. And you can call your child any name you choose, for whatever reason seems right to you. I can understand wanting your children to all have the same name, and if you feel that would be important for them, then their needs come before your partner's. He's a grown man, he can get over it! As mentioned, he can always take your name if he wishes.

As for confusion over who the 'real' father is - well as long as you and your partner (and the child!) know that, it isn't really anyone else's business. And I would say the best way for your partner to show he is the 'real' dad is for him to be fully involved in your child's life every day, being an equal and responsible parent, that's what 'real dad' means to me, regardless of who's sperm was involved.

MyLifeIsChaotic · 14/07/2011 20:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

TheOriginalFAB · 14/07/2011 20:57

I think you are wrong to give your new baby another man's name because no matter how you dress it up it is what you are planning on doing, rather than using your actual maiden name.

Original poster

spookshowangel · 14/07/2011 20:57

har har wonder when you would turn up eric. tradition...is it just english tradition you think is great or tradition world wide because there are quite a few generally i think humanity could do with out. it was her name he took. i think it really odd how people completely ignore the woman in these instances like she is non existent. though i also think it is really odd that she felt the need to phone up and ask your husband for permission. but you are talking like it was a weird transaction between you husband and her new man. when in actual fact it was a forward thinking man wanting to make his family a unit with out a lot of hassle and doing the easiest thing changing his name.

OP posts:

Original poster

spookshowangel · 14/07/2011 20:59

dress it up. how am i dressing it up?

OP posts:

foreverondiet · 14/07/2011 21:00

Sorry OP I think you are being unreasonable here. Yes its your name, but its a link to your ex-husband, and I think it would be wrong to give this name to your new baby. I can understand why you have kept your name post divorce, but I think if you give your baby your ex-hubbies surname people will be muttering about whose baby it is, and I expect your new DP will (with good reason) not be pleased...

itisnearlysummer · 14/07/2011 21:01

In your position I would give my baby the same name as the majority of the family - that is you and your other DCs.

I think it's important that your children all have the same name other wise their may be a perceived distinction between your existing children and your unborn/future children.

He could change his name to yours?

I think that your last name is your ex's is irrelevant.

TheOriginalFAB · 14/07/2011 21:02

By saying it is who you are, etc.

If you had had children by another man and weren't married and they had the father's surname you wouldn't be giving this new baby their father's surname would you, so why do you think it is okay to give another man's baby your exes name? It might be your name but it is another man's name. It makes all the difference imo.

basingstoke · 14/07/2011 21:08

Hmm. Obviously you need to talk to your DP! I find all the responses interesting though. On the "did you change your name" threads, it's always "Mrs DH's name" that is referred to, but that does ignore the fact that it is also your name too. My mum separated from my dad after more than half a lifetime of marriage. The idea that she would go back to a name that she hadn't had since she was a very young woman, rather than the name that she shared with her children, the name with which she had developed her education and career, was very strange, and she was very surprised to find it was almost assumed that she would. She is now with a new partner, and yet her identity is still very much tied up in the name that some posters perceive to just be that of her ex-husband.

Original poster

spookshowangel · 14/07/2011 21:10

that doesnt make any sense fab in this hypothetical situation why would i give my baby a name if i didnt have the name myself? it would have no relevance, were as a name that i have had for Nye on 10 years does.

OP posts:

TheOriginalFAB · 14/07/2011 21:14

Okay. You are Miss Y. You have babies with Mr T and call the children Baby T. You leave Mr T and shack up with Mr W and have his baby. In your current scenario you would be calling the new baby Baby T. Surely it should be Baby W?

Original poster

spookshowangel · 14/07/2011 21:19

i understand the scenario fab just not your logic how is that my situation since you are leaving out the being married etc.

OP posts:

TheOriginalFAB · 14/07/2011 21:25

Being married doesn't change things that much. You are still giving another man's name to your new man's baby. If you were using your maiden name it wouldn't seem the wrong thing that it seems to be.

TheOriginalFAB · 14/07/2011 21:26

..now that you are using your married but divorced name.

diddl · 14/07/2011 21:27

I understand why you want the children to all have the same name.

But the children you already have have their fathers name.

Why shouldn´t the baby also?

MsTeak · 14/07/2011 21:30

Whats with all the "shoulds" FAB? Theres no should about.

I'm not sure why you lot can't get it through your heads that her name is now HER name, it does not belong to her exhusband.

ever heard of progress? Norms change, theres no reason she can't call it whatever she pleases.

TheOriginalFAB · 14/07/2011 21:36

It isn't just her baby though.

Original poster

spookshowangel · 14/07/2011 21:45

sorry fab but being married does change things in the scenario you are talking about all my children would have miss y's name because i being miss y didnt get married.
diddl
one, have said was 17 at the time when i met and got pregnant and just didnt really think about it, like for a lot of you it was he done thing.
two, as i have said its my name so i look at it as the children have my name and so will this one. its kind of irrelevant were i got it from i the long term.

OP posts:

MsTeak · 14/07/2011 21:45

no, and her DP is happy with her choice, so why do have an opinion that she "should" do something completely different?

mrsdonkeybucket · 14/07/2011 21:50

MsTeak

Please get off your high horse and read the thread properly.

Spooks originally said that she had yet to talk to her DP about this.

She later says in a post at approx. 18:30pm that she had a quick text that said he assumed that the baby would assume her surname. seems amicable so far.

She doesn't actually know if he is happy about it yet.

mrsdonkeybucket · 14/07/2011 21:51

spooks

I hope when you chat about the baby's name, it is a choice you will all be happy with. As I said earlier, I suppose in today's world, it's really no-one else's business.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 ··· 15 16