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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

babies last name.

376 replies

spookshowangel · 14/07/2011 16:38

i kept my husband last name after we separated and i intend to keep it. i met my husband when i was 17 and we were together for 10 yrs, married for 7. we have now been separated for 2. its the name my 3 children have and its my name as far as i am concerned, some people were quite surprised that i didnt go back to my maiden name but that wasnt me any more. so now i am pregnant with my new partner i intend to give the baby my last name. many people are shocked at this because ultimately it is my exH name. i explain to them that its my name but they think its quite wrong and dont think dp should or will stand for it (we havent discussed it yet). so mumsnet jury aibu to give my baby my married last name iyswim?

OP posts:
houseofheave · 17/07/2011 17:46
Original poster
spookshowangel · 17/07/2011 17:46

i mean that if you were married for a long time and you then separated you may feel differently about your name. in my opinion you should never say never.

OP posts:
Teenytiny · 17/07/2011 17:46

Its not i dont grasp it i just dont agree with you!! is that hard for you to grasp

Fifis25StottieCakes · 17/07/2011 17:47

But teeny if she gives the baby her maiden name it wont have the same name as her or its siblings.

I know plenty of unmarried mothers who bitterly regret not giving the kids their names.

I have a different surname to all my kids and its a bit weird. I also get called MRS their surname which i have never been nor will be.

Teenytiny · 17/07/2011 17:48

No if i wasnt with my husband anymore and moved on was with another man and had his child i wouldnt keep my name.

Original poster
spookshowangel · 17/07/2011 17:49

dont sit on hand house thats no fun.

OP posts:
Teenytiny · 17/07/2011 17:49

well as i said it means nothing and dont prove anything if your kids DONT have the same name as you

MsPlaced · 17/07/2011 17:50

you're boring me now.

Original poster
spookshowangel · 17/07/2011 17:52

to you teeny, except you are going to take your bf name when you get married right? so i assume that you had this in mind when you named you kids and though that that would always be the plan so that eventually you would be a family with the same name?

OP posts:
exoticfruits · 17/07/2011 17:52

Stop immediately MsPlaced is bored!

Teenytiny · 17/07/2011 17:53

Well yes i plan to take my FIANCE name when we marry but i still wouldnt keep his surname his and name a new baby his name that wasnt his!!

Original poster
spookshowangel · 17/07/2011 17:54

i was literally about to write come back exotic all is forgiven lol

OP posts:
Original poster
spookshowangel · 17/07/2011 17:55

ahaha great, but you know that your name being different to your children is temporary.

OP posts:
Teenytiny · 17/07/2011 17:57

And how is that? only would be if we got devorsed/split and if we did it wouldnt be the end of the world that i wouldnt have the same name as my kids. i gave birth to them and brought them up i dont NEED to have the same surname as them to remind me or make me feel they are mine!

Teenytiny · 17/07/2011 17:59

Yes when i have the same name as my kids its when i married their dad!!

Original poster
spookshowangel · 17/07/2011 18:00

but it is obviously important to you on some level other wise you wouldnt be taking you fiancées name when you got married?

OP posts:
Teenytiny · 17/07/2011 18:05

Yeah i want to use his name cos i want to be his wife. but it dont bother me that my kids will have the same name as me cos they are my kids whatever their name is.

Teenytiny · 17/07/2011 18:07

If it was that important that my kids had same name as me they would have my maiden name. but as i said it dont mean anything weather they have my name or not they are still as much my kids.

fedupofnamechanging · 17/07/2011 18:08

And the baby will still be the new partners, no matter what its name is. So the OP might as well make herself happy and give the baby the same name as her other children

Teenytiny · 17/07/2011 18:11

Well thats upto her. the op asked our opinions i gave mine, i wouldnt personally do it nor do i think its right. but thats myopinion, its upto you. if you, your ex and your new partner are happy with that then im not sure why you would ask us. Congrats on your pregnancy and hope all goes well

Teenytiny · 17/07/2011 18:15

The most important thing is your little one is loved and well looked after. and whilst i dont agree i think theres far worst things. do what YOU think is right. hope the rest of your pregnancy goes well. good luck x

Original poster
spookshowangel · 17/07/2011 18:15

if you had read the thread teeny then you would know that when i asked i hadnt spoken to my dp about it. i then spoke the my dp and he was fine about saying it made sense etc even saying if it wasnt for his kids he would consider changing his name to mine (he is a keeper). i dont really give two shits if my ex is happy about it i have no intention of telling him as it is none of his business. thanks for the congrats all will be fine hopefully.

OP posts:
Teenytiny · 17/07/2011 18:17

Just enjoy your pregnancy and baby x

exoticfruits · 17/07/2011 19:13

exotic has repeatedly said that OP's name is not her name, its her ex-h's, so clearly she doesn't think a woman can choose her own name at all, feminist or otherwise.

I haven't said this at all! I have said that I fully understand her reasoning and I accept that her DP is happy and women (and men) can choose their name and that I expect she has about a 75/25 chance in her favour of her DC being fine about it.
I am just pointing out that not everyone is fine and I would be annoyed if my mother did it to me.
(I do wonder how many women, hand on heart, would be happy if DH had taken his exwife's name and was handing it on to their DC-quite possible-men can take the woman's name)

Mine is from a family history stance. I have my DHs name, his brother has done the family history back to 1760-I am mildly interested because they are my DCs ancestors-but they have nothing to do with me. If I was adopted and loved my adoptive parents to bits, I am still not interested in their ancestors-they are nothing to do with me. It seems strange to have a name where no one, except your mother through marraige, has anything to do with you.

If you are never interested in family history it won't be a problem.

exoticfruits · 17/07/2011 19:27

Sorry-marriage