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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

babies last name.

376 replies

spookshowangel · 14/07/2011 16:38

i kept my husband last name after we separated and i intend to keep it. i met my husband when i was 17 and we were together for 10 yrs, married for 7. we have now been separated for 2. its the name my 3 children have and its my name as far as i am concerned, some people were quite surprised that i didnt go back to my maiden name but that wasnt me any more. so now i am pregnant with my new partner i intend to give the baby my last name. many people are shocked at this because ultimately it is my exH name. i explain to them that its my name but they think its quite wrong and dont think dp should or will stand for it (we havent discussed it yet). so mumsnet jury aibu to give my baby my married last name iyswim?

OP posts:
fedupofnamechanging · 17/07/2011 16:58

I'd forgotten that if you are not married, you need the father to be present if his name is to go on the birth certificate. Even so, I'm not sure he would be able to stop you choosing the name you want - he would only be able to choose to be named on the bc or not.

Mind you, the relationship would be in serious trouble if one person completely disregarded the views of the other.

fedupofnamechanging · 17/07/2011 17:01

Teeny, she doesn't need to ask her ex. He was happy for her to change her name upon marriage, he can't object to her deciding to keep it now. No one can have their cake and eat it. He doesn't have a right to stop her if that is her choice.

Fifis25StottieCakes · 17/07/2011 17:01

Im not sure how the name goes karma, i think you have to give the baby your name if unmarried and partner not present. I could be wrong though as i had Dp at mine

MsPlaced · 17/07/2011 17:03

But, karma, if his exwife wanted to he couldn't stop her. Think of it this way, if you are a man and you get married, if your wife decides to change her name to yours...your are not lending her that name. It is now hers. And because it is hers she can do what she wants with it, including give it to subsequent children that are not yours.

You may not like it, you may think it is odd, you may thing it is somehow wrong. But it is none of your business and you should be thinking about why you think it is odd.

MsPlaced · 17/07/2011 17:04

sorry, didn't mean to name check karma in that post.

fedupofnamechanging · 17/07/2011 17:04

I think you can give the baby any name you choose, but can only name the father on the birth certificate if he is actually present when you register the baby. A married couple only needs one person to register the baby and it can be either the mother or the father

Teenytiny · 17/07/2011 17:04

Well shes not married or with him anymore is she?? NO
Its only her name through marrage and shes not with him anymore. Im pretty sure she couldnt have another kid to another man and give the baby her ex husbands surname!!... maybe she should go to cab and ask or at least ask her ex how he feels about it and her new partner. not many guys would say yeah its not my child but go ahead and give it my name anyways. or yeah i dont mind my child having your exs name. come on

fedupofnamechanging · 17/07/2011 17:05

I think it is perfectly okay MsPlaced and agree that it is her name to do with as she chooses.

Teenytiny · 17/07/2011 17:05

Would it be the end of the world if the new baby had your maiden name or its fathers name?

Teenytiny · 17/07/2011 17:06

But its her MARRIED name if shes not married anymore then its not her name!

fedupofnamechanging · 17/07/2011 17:08

Yes it is Teeny. Whether her ex likes it or not, he cannot legally stop her from using it. It has become her name and divorce doesn't remove her legal right to use it.

MsPlaced · 17/07/2011 17:08

who the fuck are you to tell her what her name is? Hmm

Teenytiny · 17/07/2011 17:11

Who do u think ur talking to?? ITS A FACT its her MARRIED name. she should ask the guy at least and cheak its legal that she can give her child a mans name thats isnt the father!!

Teenytiny · 17/07/2011 17:12

If people dont like opinions DONT POST and ask opinions!! simple

Original poster
spookshowangel · 17/07/2011 17:15

teeny read the thread, my dp is fine with it and i have no intention of talking to my ex about it because its none of his business because it is my name, it was legally changed when i married him. if you want to be technical i am still married to him as we are not divorced yet but that is neither here nor there. but be assured that it is still my name and will be probably for the rest of my life. i took it when i married him my choice but i dont have to give it back and i dont have to ask his permission to use it for anything.

OP posts:
fedupofnamechanging · 17/07/2011 17:15

It is legal Teeny because legally it is her name too.

Original poster
spookshowangel · 17/07/2011 17:17

legally teeny i could call my child fullia talc chilli cow and that is because you can call you child what ever you want.

OP posts:
Teenytiny · 17/07/2011 17:17

Well why dont u cheak it out then see if its allowed as it is not his baby?
if your dp is fine with it why would you ask us?
what would you do if you decided to get married again? lol regarding names?

Personally if my mum gave me another mans name that wasnt my father id be peed off but thats myopinion which u did ask for opinions!

houseofheave · 17/07/2011 17:18

You can choose to call yourself by whatever surname you want.

You can choose to give your child whatever surname you want.

It does not have to be the name of the father - or even the name used by the mother.

HTH

Teenytiny · 17/07/2011 17:18

But is it legal if its not his baby??

Teenytiny · 17/07/2011 17:19

because its not her name like her maiden name is only through marrage! and if the baby is not his would that be legal? im not sure? whats so wrong with the baby having its dads name??

MsPlaced · 17/07/2011 17:20

Of course it is, she can call it your name if she wanted to. This is all in the thread you can't be arsed to read before chiming in though. Hmm

houseofheave · 17/07/2011 17:21

Teeny, you can call you child whatever you want. Honest.

Teenytiny · 17/07/2011 17:21

yeah whatever personally id want my child named after its dad not one of my exs but there u go!! and i cba reading the whole thread its farrrr too long!

ZhenXiang · 17/07/2011 17:21

I understand not wanted to change your name so that your surname becomes different to that of your children. My mum also felt that was important when she divorced from my father so she double-barrelled her surname to include her family name with her married name.

If you want the new baby to also have the same surname as your other children couldn't you just double-barrell the two names, that way no one feels left out.

I have to say DogsBestFriend that I really don't agree with your sexist point of view. It takes two people to make a baby and if the OP's DP is involved then two parents will be raising the child too. Just because as the woman you give birth to the child it doesn't give you the right to have the final say on every parenting choice regarding the child, unless the father is a complete twunt and therefore has waived his right anyway. If the tables were turned and men were to give birth would you feel the same, I doubt it somehow.