7yo often home alone in the morning, WWYD? If anything?

[Hufflepuzzpig]

I genuinely don't know. Neighbour's DS (nearly 8 but acts very young for his age) always goes in the car with his mum in the evening to pick up his dad from work, and he's not allowed to stay home/on the shared front lawn on his own while his mum goes.

In the mornings though, DH has noticed the DS is never with them, so the mum comes back and then takes him to school. I guess he must still be asleep or just doesn't get dressed on time or doesn't want to go.

Is that ok at that age? I wouldn't leave a 7yo home alone, but I expect many do and I don't think it's as terrible as DH does. He is generally more paranoid/helicoptery than me though. I know it's a really subjective issue, and the age at which parents let DCs be home alone varies massively.

I'd be happy for him to just come over for that time (about 30mins) in the mornings, even if he's in his PJs, should I suggest it? We don't know the parents that well, they are lovely but very shy and his mum in particular struggles with English. I could suggest it to the DS though, he likes it here.

I guess what I'm basically asking is - is nearly-8 old enough for this to be absolutely none of my business and I (and DH!) should chill because it's fine? Or is it a bit young to be home alone even for a short time?

I expect they would be glad to have you as an emergency contact-that is all it needs.

This thread seems to be full of smugness at those who are more cautious than others, that just dont think 7 is old enough to leave home alone. It's bizarre that people should feel smug that others are too worried about the "what ifs".

Seeker , apologies if I misread/misinterpreted your comment, it just felt as if I was being rounded on for no reason except a flippant comment about chocolate.

Exoticfruits, I agree that kids should gradually be allowed to be responsible. But you said that you'd think you'd failed as a mum if your child did what I said mine MIGHT do if left alone. That's outrageous. And slightly odd.

Cory - "some shit even an adult couldn't deal with". Absolutely. BUT you dont just shrug and say anything is fair game for a child just because I wouldnt have been able to help even if I'd been at home with him. If your 7yo DS was home alone and a "violent burglar" broke in, would you be ok with that? "Well, there was nothing I could have done to help anyway." In actual fact, he'd be less petrified if you were with him, whether or not you could fight off the intruder.

"my 9yo brother behaved calmly and sensibly". Yes, fair enough. Except there were still adults with him - he wasnt dealing with this ALONE. And he was 9. Not 7. Two years is a BIG difference at this age.

"you can train a 7yo to ring a trusted adult if mum or dad aren't back within a certain time". Agreed, thats what we're suggesting the OP offers to be - the responsible adult he contacts.

"you can take reasonable safety precautions: there is no reason the house has to be locked so the child can't get out in case of fire". So it's MORE responsible to leave a small child in an UNlocked house?!

YANBU

a 7 year old is NOT capable of looking after themselves or dealing with unforseen emergancy incident that may happen.

ABSOLUTELY phone social services.... (who will not take their child away, but will have words) Thats what they are for

leaving a 7 year old for half an hour a day is neglect. Even childminders are limited by the number of 7 year olds they are allowed to look after.

Will you be able to sleep at night if the worst happened..... child was hurt or worse, you knew he was there alone and yet had done nothing about it?

Also while he may only be left for 30mins what if his parents are involved in some emergancy and cant get back.

Leaving a 7 year old completley on their own while parents are NOT near enough to return quickly if necessary, IS neglect and the poor child needs protection, and as adults, it is up to us to speak up for any child, who cant resolve it himself

Ok seeker, that's fair enough, I perhaps got the wrong end of the stick. The point I was trying to make was that sometimes no matter how responsible and trustworthy our kids are, things happen beyond our control, and those things might just happen when a 7 year old is home alone, not equipped to deal with a situation. Slim chance admittedly, but still a chance!

Crazy! I've not read one comment yet that makes me think it's a good idea to leave a child that old alone , I think those of you who have done are on the defensive because you realise lots of people will think your actions are irresponsible , making comments such as I know I'd have regretted it if I hadn't left them alone at that age is just plain ridiculous !

I'm sorry, but I would be a bit horrified if they were 7yrs old and as soon as I went out they were going to do something that they knew fine well they were not allowed to do.
I left mine because:

1. They were happy (the most important-don't do it to a DC who isn't)
2. They could contact me and I could get straight back.
3. They had neighbours to contact who get there quicker than me.
4. They knew the rules and I knew they would stick to them.

All DCs have different characters, you can be a wonderful parent and have ones who disobey for the hell of it-if so you would be irresponsible to leave them.

There are no hard and fast rules. There are DCs much older than 7 yrs that you wouldn't leave.

However, you shouldn't be immediately calling SS when the family have worked out their perfectly workable solution. The helpful thing is to have a quiet word and say that you are always there in the morning and are quite happy for DS to knock on your door if he is worried about anything.

making comments such as I know I'd have regretted it if I hadn't left them alone at that age is just plain ridiculous !

Maybe not 7 yrs, but I would have regretted it if I hadn't left them by about 10yrs for a short time. Looking back -my regrets are that I didn't get them doing enough for themselves early enough and I was a bit 'wrap in cotton wool'.

lovesicecream Fri 15-Jul-11 22:24:31
"Crazy! I've not read one comment yet that makes me think it's a good idea to leave a child that old alone , I think those of you who have done are on the defensive because you realise lots of people will think your actions are irresponsible"

I don't see why I should be on the defensive: having spent most of my life in a country where this is absolutely normal- yet a country which is known for its caring attitude towards children. Noone on this thread has been able to explain to me why Swedish children do not have more accidents that British children and do not grow up feeling unloved or uncared-for. Or Norwegian children for that matter. Or Danish. Or just about any European nation except the English.

"you can take reasonable safety precautions: there is no reason the house has to be locked so the child can't get out in case of fire". So it's MORE responsible to leave a small child in an UNlocked house?!"

Well, the safest way surely is to leave the key on the inside so the child can get out but noone can get in. Unless you have a Yale lock, in which case it is easy enough to get out but not in. Leaving anyone, whether child or adult in a house which you cannot exit at all strikes me as totally irresponsible.

Icecream: I think you're over-protective, I really do. To find it so inconceivable that this is a do-able thing is worrying.

People don't seem defensive to me. Quite a few seem to find it amusing but not in a good way.

I am quite happy for people to call SS about me, it would be immediately obvious that I am a loving and responsible parent and that they had better things to do with their time.

"crazy! ridiculous!"

calm down love

"my 9yo brother behaved calmly and sensibly". Yes, fair enough. Except there were still adults with him - he wasnt dealing with this ALONE. And he was 9. Not 7. Two years is a BIG difference at this age."

But we grew up in Sweden where it was and still is the norm for 7yos to be left alone at home for short periods, or to play outside for hours unsupervised- which involves being trusted to act sensibly in cases of emergency. This is how I and my brothers and all my friends grew up, this is how my nephews and nieces and all their friends are still being brought up. And noone I know has come to any harm from it.

Depends where you live cory. I live in a not very nice area, you never know what kind of prick is going to kick my door next mistaking it for the pro fessional woman two doors up. Leave my seven year old here alone over my dead body!

Fair enough, Frogs; I wouldn't do it in an area like you describe either. Just as I am sure my brother wouldn't let his boys play outside if there were wolves around. That is common sense: you judge by the circumstances.

ah, we dont have wolves...

yet....(looks around in a shifty fashion)

exoticfruits "I'm sorry, but I would be a bit horrified if they were 7yrs old and as soon as I went out they were going to do something that they knew fine well they were not allowed to do."
Not one person I know would leave a SEVEN yr old alone EVERY DAY for 30 mins at a time. Partly because 7yos are not 100% predictable. Can you say, hand on heart, that your own 7yo kids (if you have/had any) were predictable all of the time? Really? If so, you are absolutley in the minority. No-one has said their kids would ALWAYS do something naughty the second they left them alone, just that it is more than likely that they would at some point.

I was considered a very very sensible child. I remember being left at age 10 while my parents were at a party across the road. I ate around 10 bags of crisps, tasted some of Dad's whisky and phoned a takeaway. :)

I was very responsible, still managed to set fire to our lounge when I was ten.

I was bored

thefrogs!!! We're on the same wavelength! I remember sitting in our pine-clad kitchen with a box of matches wondering how long it might take to burn - like you, cos I was bored and thought about things too much! :)

I think it's fine. Children's services (in my area at least) have got far bigger fish to fry.

Allfires - hopefully with experience you will look back at your posts and weep for all those children who need protection whilst precious resources are being wasted on investigating cases such as this

Well mum never emptied an ashtray...if it was full it was burnt. I kinda thought I was helping...possibly not as they needed a new sofa...oh well!

(the reason we never ate 10 packets of crisps or drank parental whisky is simple enough: such luxuries were not around in my home)

everybody I knew left their children at home when they went to the shops once the children were of school age: I never heard of any trouble

Over protective, yeah right! I'm sure if I was my16 year old would have told me by now

we were sent to the shops at school age for groceries, with a v large penny for sweets for the job my parents weren't stupid - they were the ones at home alone

how does having a 16 yo make you not over protective?