Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

7yo often home alone in the morning, WWYD? If anything?

588 replies

Hufflepuzzpig · 14/07/2011 14:20

I genuinely don't know. Neighbour's DS (nearly 8 but acts very young for his age) always goes in the car with his mum in the evening to pick up his dad from work, and he's not allowed to stay home/on the shared front lawn on his own while his mum goes.

In the mornings though, DH has noticed the DS is never with them, so the mum comes back and then takes him to school. I guess he must still be asleep or just doesn't get dressed on time or doesn't want to go.

Is that ok at that age? I wouldn't leave a 7yo home alone, but I expect many do and I don't think it's as terrible as DH does. He is generally more paranoid/helicoptery than me though. I know it's a really subjective issue, and the age at which parents let DCs be home alone varies massively.

I'd be happy for him to just come over for that time (about 30mins) in the mornings, even if he's in his PJs, should I suggest it? We don't know the parents that well, they are lovely but very shy and his mum in particular struggles with English. I could suggest it to the DS though, he likes it here.

I guess what I'm basically asking is - is nearly-8 old enough for this to be absolutely none of my business and I (and DH!) should chill because it's fine? Or is it a bit young to be home alone even for a short time?

OP posts:
lovesicecream · 15/07/2011 23:20

Because like I said if I was over protective he would have told me by now

Gooseberrybushes · 15/07/2011 23:20

why? does he tell you everything?

TheFrogs · 15/07/2011 23:21

who said anything about crisps or whisky cory? Confused?

lovesicecream · 15/07/2011 23:25

If I wasn't letting him do something all his friends were doing then of course he'd say something, he's a teenage he's not going to think I'm over protective and not say something

cory · 15/07/2011 23:28

Frogs, the crisps and the whisky were consumed by vmcd at 22:55.

TheFrogs · 15/07/2011 23:31

I see now yes...she's going to have such a hangover tomorrow Grin

vmcd28 · 16/07/2011 00:21

Cory! You can't say how much you were trusted as a child on one hand, then say there were no luxuries for you to abuse on the other! You can't have it both ways!
But yes, a hangover is on the cards for tomorrow. And we have three, yes THREE kids parties to attend tomorrow.

cory · 16/07/2011 00:29

vmcd28 Sat 16-Jul-11 00:21:09
"Cory! You can't say how much you were trusted as a child on one hand, then say there were no luxuries for you to abuse on the other! You can't have it both ways!"

Really? Is all that stands in the way of modern children the access to whisky? In that case, wouldn't it be easy to just lock up the whisky? Hmm

I am sure I could have got into other types of trouble had I been so inclined.
But my parents believed in me as a responsible person and I wanted them to keep that belief as it gave me more freedom; I wasn't going to risk having my privileges withdrawn.

fwiw my children could get at the brandy when I leave them at home, but they never have.

Still- enjoy your parties tomorrow!

vmcd28 · 16/07/2011 00:53

Cory, it was YOU who said the reason you didn't have crisps and whisky was because you didn't have any in your house!! YOUR words, not mine! I was very sensible, but it didn't stop me wanting to do the odd thing that I knew wasn't allowed! That doesn't make my 7yo self a delinquent or "untrustworthy" - it made me a 7yo child! 7yos are capable of doing likely to do many things the parent has told them is wrong/naughty/not acceptable. Hence why they're not old enough to be in charge of the family home!

Gooseberrybushes · 16/07/2011 06:40

Cory is making perfect sense. We didn't have whisky in the house either but there's no logical step from that to my own children deciding to burn the house down.

Children are capable of far more than they are given credit for.

Gooseberrybushes · 16/07/2011 06:41

icecream: he might not tell you at all - you might just assume he would tell you because you're over-protective.

exoticfruits · 16/07/2011 06:50

I was considered a very very sensible child. I remember being left at age 10 while my parents were at a party across the road. I ate around 10 bags of crisps, tasted some of Dad's whisky and phoned a takeaway

You do have to know your own DC. There is no way that I would have done this at that age and I know that my DSs wouldn't either-I could safely have bet money (a substantial amount) on it. If it is likely, or it was the sort of thing that you would have done, then don't leave them.

The OP does make it clear that the DC isn't just 7yrs, he is nearly 8yrs-a world of difference. He is either a summer birthday, in the juniors (and I always had to treat my August birthday DS as a bit older because he was mixing with his peer group who were always older-some as much as nearly a year)-or he is one of the oldest in the infants.

exoticfruits · 16/07/2011 06:53

But my parents believed in me as a responsible person and I wanted them to keep that belief as it gave me more freedom; I wasn't going to risk having my privileges withdrawn.

I hadn't thought about it but I expect that was my reason for being sensible-you want to be trusted and allowed to do things so you are not going to risk messing it up. Perhaps you secretly didn't want to be left and that was your way of making sure that you weren't. Rule 1 is always that the DC wants to be left.

FuzzpigFourFiveSix · 16/07/2011 07:37

Exotic, yes he's a summer born, he's actually 8 next week :) I'd say he acts younger though.

I think it's not just the personality of the child, but the circumstances they are brought up in. My DD (4 last month) has amazing road sense, better than a lot of older DCs I know. I truly believe I could send her off to preschool on her own and she would be fine, she knows where to get off the bus etc (I wouldn't actually do it BTW!) - that isn't because I'm an excellent independence-encouraging parent though. It's just because she's had more opportunity to learn it, as we have no car so we have to walk/bus everywhere. She was also having to walk fairly early as I didn't get a double buggy when DS was born (she was 2.2). So she's really sensible in that area, but in others? Well, I can barely leave her in the next room without her getting up to something

exoticfruits · 16/07/2011 07:44

You have to be age appropriate-whatever the road sense you wouldn't send a 4yr old off somewhere by themselves or leave them at home.
You have to give her the opportunity to get experience under adult supervision and so leaving her in another room for short periods of time is a good thing-if you insist that you are always in the same room (as well as being difficult) she won't progress.

exoticfruits · 16/07/2011 07:47

A 7yr old, with a year in the juniors with friends of almost 9yrs in the same class, is very different from a 7yr old in the infants with friends , in the same class, who are, on the whole, younger.

FuzzpigFourFiveSix · 16/07/2011 08:59

Oh, I don't insist on being in the same room, not at all - she's just in an immensely testing phase :(

seeker · 16/07/2011 09:11

"Hence why they're not old enough to be in charge of the family home!"

Interesting. I don't think of it as leaving him in charge of the family home when I leave ds either asleep or reading or playing on his ds while I run dd to the bus stop. Anything slightly out of the ordinary I would expect him to high tail it to our neighbours.

However, when I leave dd - who's 15 - at home then she is in charge to the family home, I suppose. I would expect her to deal with any small domestic crisis, wash up her own dishes, answer the phone and the door, get the dinner on if it was time for that, and so on.

lovesicecream · 16/07/2011 11:29

Yes that's it! I must be over protective because I won't leave my kids alone in the house at 7, I don't know anyone else who would either, then again I'd rather be called over protective than irresponsible

seeker · 16/07/2011 11:32

"I'd rather be called over protective than irresponsible"

I would rather not be called either. Fortunately, it's unlikely anyone would.

exoticfruits · 16/07/2011 12:10

I can't recall anyone ever calling me irresponsible, they would laugh at the idea.
I think it is possible they may call me over protective as DH and DSs think so-their eyes roll as they say 'we are big boys now' or DH says 'they are big boys now'.It is a bit of a catch phrase in our house when I get into mother hen mode. Grin

cory · 16/07/2011 15:02

vmcd28 Sat 16-Jul-11 00:53:20
"Cory, it was YOU who said the reason you didn't have crisps and whisky was because you didn't have any in your house!! YOUR words, not mine! I was very sensible, but it didn't stop me wanting to do the odd thing that I knew wasn't allowed! That doesn't make my 7yo self a delinquent or "untrustworthy" - it made me a 7yo child! 7yos are capable of doing likely to do many things the parent has told them is wrong/naughty/not acceptable. Hence why they're not old enough to be in charge of the family home!"

Still doesn't explain why all the children I knew when I was young were regularly left alone for short periods and did not misbehave or get into trouble. Nor how families in other countries (thinking particularly of Northern Europe) still seem to manage this to this day.

There are two questions that I still haven't had answered on this thread:

a) if leaving a child of junior school alone for short periods of time poses a significant danger, how come this does not result in any statistics of child mortality or child injuries being significantly higher in those countries where it is still the norm?

b) the car crash scenario? Please! I really want to know! if you are worried about a car crash, why on earth would anyone want the child to be in that car?

Gooseberrybushes · 16/07/2011 15:54

actually you would be and you have seeker, by icecream - we are defensive and irresponsible apparently

hence she rather put herself in the firing line for an accusation of over-protectiveness

Gooseberrybushes · 16/07/2011 15:55

also crazy and ridiculous, forgot those

seeker · 16/07/2011 16:36

Oh bother, so she did. Ho hum. Shall we change our ways immediately, or just carry on being sensible?

Swipe left for the next trending thread