Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

7yo often home alone in the morning, WWYD? If anything?

588 replies

Hufflepuzzpig · 14/07/2011 14:20

I genuinely don't know. Neighbour's DS (nearly 8 but acts very young for his age) always goes in the car with his mum in the evening to pick up his dad from work, and he's not allowed to stay home/on the shared front lawn on his own while his mum goes.

In the mornings though, DH has noticed the DS is never with them, so the mum comes back and then takes him to school. I guess he must still be asleep or just doesn't get dressed on time or doesn't want to go.

Is that ok at that age? I wouldn't leave a 7yo home alone, but I expect many do and I don't think it's as terrible as DH does. He is generally more paranoid/helicoptery than me though. I know it's a really subjective issue, and the age at which parents let DCs be home alone varies massively.

I'd be happy for him to just come over for that time (about 30mins) in the mornings, even if he's in his PJs, should I suggest it? We don't know the parents that well, they are lovely but very shy and his mum in particular struggles with English. I could suggest it to the DS though, he likes it here.

I guess what I'm basically asking is - is nearly-8 old enough for this to be absolutely none of my business and I (and DH!) should chill because it's fine? Or is it a bit young to be home alone even for a short time?

OP posts:
seeker · 14/07/2011 15:03

I have left my ds alone for 20 minutes most mornings while I take his sister to hte bus stop since he was about 8. He usually doesn't wake up - but if he does he just gets up and pts the TV on. He knows how to use the phone and to go to our neighbours if he has a problem.

If there are no other causes for concern, I wouldn;t worry.

mollymole · 14/07/2011 15:04

i would not be happy that a 7 year old is left alone - do you know them well enough to suggest that he is aware that you are next door and available so that he has some one to call on if he needs, or as you have very kindly said, would have him over to you
whilst there is no legal age at what some one may be left alone at , it would not bode well with the police (who i believe suggest 14 yrs as a suitable age to be home alone) and NSPCC (who suggest 12 yrs as a minimum age)

Insomnia11 · 14/07/2011 15:05

When do you get to the module on "Common Sense", allthefires?

Or is it an optional subject? Hmm

RitaMorgan · 14/07/2011 15:07

FFS Hmm

Yes, it might start with leaving a 7 year old alone for 30 minutes but before long they'll be starving him and locking him under the stairs.

Original poster
Hufflepuzzpig · 14/07/2011 15:08

Wow I didn't realise the guidelines were that high actually. For me it was when I started secondary, so 11.9ish. My DSDs still aren't allowed to be in their house alone and they are 13, which DH and I both think is ridiculous, but that's a whole other thread...

OP posts:
scottishmummy · 14/07/2011 15:10

allthefires you're coming across preachy and the book says ...
in practice,faced with having to prioritise safeguarding,and complex cases,and juggle that with huge caseloads,stretched staff make individual decisions based on available facts.not a blanket its not right

as you progress in your professional career you will learn to be less concrete and be more able to look globally at a situation,context,and risks

Ephiny · 14/07/2011 15:10

I would not personally leave a 7 year old alone even for a short time like that, but would certainly not be reporting to the police or child protection, I think that's ridiculous tbh. It's not like the parents are going away for a week and leaving him to fend for himself!

Anyway, unless you're watching all their comings and goings very closely, you don't know for sure that he is alone. Not really your business either way.

libelulle · 14/07/2011 15:10

As a student social worker allthefires you should be aware that your 'alarm system' is only just in the process of being set up, and is therefore likely to be faulty more often than not.

As well as common sense, I'd hope social work training would instil a bit of humility. God save us from students who think they know it all on the basis of a couple of hours of modules.

Insomnia11 · 14/07/2011 15:11

I used to go to school with friends from about the age of 8/9, so I was without parental supervison then. A lot more risks than being in the house.

allthefires · 14/07/2011 15:11

Oh here we go again let's attack the Social Worker.

Damned if they do damned if dont.

You have no idea of the circumstances and the OP I assume isn't trained in child protection and therefore that is why a referal is needed to Social Care so an assessment can be done to decide whether to investigate.

Original poster
Hufflepuzzpig · 14/07/2011 15:13

FWIW I don't have any other concerns really. They certainly adore him anyway, I'm not thinking anything along the lines of neglect/abuse or being locked in cellars or starvation etc (which incidentally sums up my DH's first 15 years, hence him being more nervous about these issues)

OP posts:
CoffeeOne · 14/07/2011 15:13

Hufflepuzzpig - You are right that it is rarely black and white. Also each local authority differs. In my experience if SS/police were notified about a 7 year old being left alone (for any amount of time) enquiries would certainly be made in the form of an initial assessment or welfare visit. The fuzzy line usually starts around 10+ depending on the maturity of the child and circumstances. It's not an easy decision to make about how to progress with this but you are right to have some concerns.

scottishmummy · 14/07/2011 15:13

oh behave.your range and judgement is v concrete.that is what people are picking you up on.you cant turn this into poor widdle you sw gets in neck again

youre a student, and it shows

M0naLisa · 14/07/2011 15:13

I would say 30 mins a day is ok, if he is able to look after himself/get dressed, its not as if the parents are going out getting pissed and leaving him to fend for himself.

Allinabinbag · 14/07/2011 15:14

Do you know he is definitely seven and what is a 'young seven'? I know someone who used to drop her son off at her house for an hour or so on his own after school, he was eight, I thought that young, but they all seemed fine with it as it was normal in their culture (Nordic not UK).

InTheNightKitchen · 14/07/2011 15:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

seeker · 14/07/2011 15:14

And if anyone reported me to the Social Services, I would welcome them in, explain the situation, they would, undoubtedly say "OK, seeker, that's fine. carry on - sorry to have troubled you" And I would say "That's quite all right, I understand that you need to investigate any concerns - I'd rather you troubled me unnecessarily than missed a possible problem"

altinkum · 14/07/2011 15:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

libelulle · 14/07/2011 15:17

but you aren't a social worker allthefires, you're a student. Just like a medical student isn't a doctor. Like them, I hope you aren't let loose on real people until you have a less power-crazed idea of your role.

scottishmummy · 14/07/2011 15:18

well thats why med training is so long.batter some sense into you

allthefires · 14/07/2011 15:19

Scottish mummy that was in response to the common sense module.

Yes my alarm bells are still being developed but already I know ignoring the situation like many posters have suggested is not okay.

It's not the OPs decision to investigate the situation. That's why I maintain that the best thing she could do is make a referal.

altinkum · 14/07/2011 15:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

littleducks · 14/07/2011 15:19

According to this the NSPCC guidance applies to lon periods of time, 30 minutes imo is hardxly a 'long' period of time

altinkum · 14/07/2011 15:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Hufflepuzzpig · 14/07/2011 15:22

Would social services really investigate an allegation of "7yo often left home alone for half an hour?" if no other concerns?

Tbh I do wonder if they are a bit clueless about certain things - they do have a language barrier after all. He is very overweight and has bad teeth. But he is lovely and otherwise well looked after. I deliberately left all that out of my OP for fear of seeming immensely judgypants but ah well this seems to be turning into a bunfight anyway...

What I mean is though, if they are leaving him alone it is because they think it's ok, rather than not giving a toss about their much-loved son, iyswim? If that makes a difference.

OP posts: