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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

7yo often home alone in the morning, WWYD? If anything?

588 replies

Hufflepuzzpig · 14/07/2011 14:20

I genuinely don't know. Neighbour's DS (nearly 8 but acts very young for his age) always goes in the car with his mum in the evening to pick up his dad from work, and he's not allowed to stay home/on the shared front lawn on his own while his mum goes.

In the mornings though, DH has noticed the DS is never with them, so the mum comes back and then takes him to school. I guess he must still be asleep or just doesn't get dressed on time or doesn't want to go.

Is that ok at that age? I wouldn't leave a 7yo home alone, but I expect many do and I don't think it's as terrible as DH does. He is generally more paranoid/helicoptery than me though. I know it's a really subjective issue, and the age at which parents let DCs be home alone varies massively.

I'd be happy for him to just come over for that time (about 30mins) in the mornings, even if he's in his PJs, should I suggest it? We don't know the parents that well, they are lovely but very shy and his mum in particular struggles with English. I could suggest it to the DS though, he likes it here.

I guess what I'm basically asking is - is nearly-8 old enough for this to be absolutely none of my business and I (and DH!) should chill because it's fine? Or is it a bit young to be home alone even for a short time?

OP posts:
Bigglewinkle · 15/07/2011 11:06

Hmm, it's an interesting debate this isn't it?
When I was 11 I had to fly alone halfway round the world to get to my boarding school, when my army family was stationed in Australia... And this included a stopover in Abu Dhabi (with lots of Arabian gentlemen eyeing my blonde hair and blue eyes up in what felt like a predatory manner!!)
I knew enough to stay out of trouble.
I think it all depends on the child and circumstances...
Imo I think we are v risk averse in the UK - what about the censure the McCann's got? I'm not sure I'd go so far as to do what they did (mine are 2yo and 3mo) but I bet there are a lot of parents quietly relieved it never happened to their child.

PuppyMonkey · 15/07/2011 11:13

Re your OP where you say you wouldn't mind them dropping him off with you in the mornings, that sounds like a nice solution to me.

I'm one of the "wouldn't dream of leaving a 7 yo" brigade, can't help it. Just the way I am and would be worried about me and DP crashing the car or something and not getting back to child. But I do appreciate that I am quite uptight about these things. And I suppose as long as you are keeping an eye on the house and aware if mum doesn't cone back on time or etc, maybe that's enough.

ByTheWay · 15/07/2011 11:28

I think it is up to individual parents - I would not have left my girls alone at 7 - but my eldest was fine to be left at 8- and at 9 could walk to and from school, to and from the shops alone too.

My youngest has just turned 9 and I would leave her home for half an hour if she was reading/watching TV. I would not trust her to walk to/from school alone as her road sense is just rubbish.... we all know our children's limits!

They can both use the phone. They both know 5 sets of neighbours - 3 retired and 2 SAHMs and know how to tell the time. I say " If I'm delayed I will ring, only answer the phone if it says my number. If I'm not back by xx go see next door, if they aren't in see yy etc..." My neighbours don't know specifically that the kids are home alone any particular time, but know and have very kindly offered to be my backup in an emergency - as I am for the other 2 mums.

So to the OP I would say, just offer to be there if needed - give neighbour your number so if delayed they can call in an emergency, say you can offer a place to stay if the kid is scared or has a problem whilst they are out. But I would also remember they might not want their kid to go to someone else - they may feel their child is "safer" alone than with someone they do not know on a deep personal level.

BadBagel · 15/07/2011 11:29

I wouldn't have a problem with this situation but then I am foreign Wink

Why don't you just have a chat with the parents and tell them that you are happy to keep an eye on the boy and that he can always knock on your door if there is a problem, rather than offering to 'babysit' him. It's what neighbours do isn't it?

Gooseberrybushes · 15/07/2011 11:31

"What if, what if, what if.."

seriously ..it's fine

lesley33 · 15/07/2011 11:52

I am always amazed at the advice not to leave a child alone until they are 14. It wasn't that long ago that most 15 year olds would be out at work!

I think whether a 7 year old is left alone for this long depends on the child. So many parents mollycoddle their children so much that some 7 year olds wouldn't be ok being left at this age. In practice I think most 7 year olds should be mature enough to be left alone for 30 minutes.

Just to say with SW - It used to be the case that you couldn't train to be an SW until you were in your 20's and had paid work experience or lots of voluntary work experience. It was not possible for a 20 year old to be a fully qualified SW. Which I think should still be the case - although its not.

LeQueen · 15/07/2011 11:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RitaMorgan · 15/07/2011 12:24

No 20 year old is a social worker, isn't it a 4 year degree or a 2 year postgrad course? You certainly need work experience to get onto the post grad course where I am.

scottishmummy · 15/07/2011 12:28

no 20yo qsw but could be a 20yo teacher does that offend you equally leQ?

fwiw sw is v competitive to get on to.but high rate attrition once qualified

lesley33 · 15/07/2011 12:31

I think someone can be 20 and be a good teacher.
qsw can be much younger than used to be the case.

emsies · 15/07/2011 12:31

Just curious but how do you get to be a 20 year old teacher? In England at least you'd be 22 if you did either a 4 year Bed or a 3 year degree followed by a 1 year PGCE. You would also be an NQT and hence under more supervision for the first year - so 23 before properly qualified.

Nothing to do with the thread just wondering if Scotland really let people qualify 3 years before England!

vmcd28 · 15/07/2011 14:00

a child playing the xbox while parents are in another room/garden is NOT the same as being left alone in a locked house.
Trusting a child of that age to follow rules (while you're still around to rein them in) is one thing, but to leave them alone is quite another.

OP, dont call SS but offer to your neighbour that you can be an emergency contact, or something. Just even to make them aware that you're on their side (?).

scottishmummy · 15/07/2011 14:07

4 year B.Ed start 17 and half.nqt at 20
teaching degree is 4yrs and PG dip 1 year

scottishmummy · 15/07/2011 14:08

doh,it would be NQT 21yo

aquafunf · 15/07/2011 14:16

i would leave an 8 year old if i was nipping hubby to the station of a morning. in fact i had neighbours who did this- they let me know, just in case. kids were asleep in bed- this was at about 6.45

prediction- someone will suggest that the house will go on fire

someone will suggest that that both parents could be killed outright in a car accident.

seeker · 15/07/2011 14:21

And it would soooooo much better if the child was in the car when the fatal crash happened.

DooinMeCleanin · 15/07/2011 14:27

Of course it would be better Seeker, because then he wouldn't home alone when the local axe murderer comes a knocking with his mate 'peedo' and the washer bursts into flames. That is what happens when you leave children alone to develop some independence. You crash your car, your house blows up, everyone dies horribly.

Personally I'm keeping my kids tethered to me untill they are 18, when they will automatically know how to cope in the real world.

seeker · 15/07/2011 14:31

I think you're OK if you make sure the child wears a hat made out of tinfoil whenever he's out of your sight. Not that he will be, of course.....but just in case.

LeQueen · 15/07/2011 14:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FuzzpigFourFiveSix · 15/07/2011 15:32

vmcd - don't really understand the (?) at the end of your post - I am most definitely 'on their side' :) hopefully it was clear from my posts that it was a "should I offer to help" situation rather than an "ooh aren't these people terrible!"

Don't think there will ever be a consensus on this thread somehow...

vmcd28 · 15/07/2011 16:52

OP, sorry I didnt mean it like that Blush - I more meant it as a "if you see what I mean" kind of question. i.e. dont say to them "I'm on your side", more something like "Just to say I'm happy to be an emergency contact when you're out in the mornings," so they know it's not judginess thats making you talk to them about it.

FuzzpigFourFiveSix · 15/07/2011 17:25

Ah I see no worries - I was actually a bit concerned about seeming accusatory by saying something to them, so it's a fair comment!

Birdsgottafly · 15/07/2011 17:58

Lesley- very few uni's will take under 25 year olds for SW training without thm already working in social care or having had relevent background experience (care, adoption). Newly qualified CP SW's do not work alone, they are supervised. There are no 20 year olds qualified and working as SW's.

Oblomov · 15/07/2011 18:07

Ds1(7.5) can be left for ages. I can be off in the garage or shed, come back and that kid hasn't moved. Infact, he never moves. An inch. In some senses he is very mature.
His 2 closest friends, a couple of months younger are so immature, their mums wouldn't leave them for a minute. And neither would I.
Depends on the child. No need to call SS, in my opinion.

vmcd28 · 15/07/2011 18:41

But oblomov, , kids tend to behave differently when they know there's an adult nearby. Ds1 doesn't move from the tv, given half a chance, but if he knew I was away from home he'd probably do something sneaky like eat lots of chocolate or mething. That's just an example, btw, I know that's not "dangerous" :)
I also know that IF something happened outwith his experience, eg he broke sthg, or whatever, he wouldn't know what to do and would probably get very upset.