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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

7yo often home alone in the morning, WWYD? If anything?

588 replies

Hufflepuzzpig · 14/07/2011 14:20

I genuinely don't know. Neighbour's DS (nearly 8 but acts very young for his age) always goes in the car with his mum in the evening to pick up his dad from work, and he's not allowed to stay home/on the shared front lawn on his own while his mum goes.

In the mornings though, DH has noticed the DS is never with them, so the mum comes back and then takes him to school. I guess he must still be asleep or just doesn't get dressed on time or doesn't want to go.

Is that ok at that age? I wouldn't leave a 7yo home alone, but I expect many do and I don't think it's as terrible as DH does. He is generally more paranoid/helicoptery than me though. I know it's a really subjective issue, and the age at which parents let DCs be home alone varies massively.

I'd be happy for him to just come over for that time (about 30mins) in the mornings, even if he's in his PJs, should I suggest it? We don't know the parents that well, they are lovely but very shy and his mum in particular struggles with English. I could suggest it to the DS though, he likes it here.

I guess what I'm basically asking is - is nearly-8 old enough for this to be absolutely none of my business and I (and DH!) should chill because it's fine? Or is it a bit young to be home alone even for a short time?

OP posts:
lovesicecream · 15/07/2011 04:26

Cory - someone else was talking about 7 year olds walking to school, why do you say possibly in bed like that makes it ok? Oh he's asleep so I just left him on his own , great!

Morloth · 15/07/2011 05:19

Most 7yo at DS's school walk by themselves. This isn't the UK though so people are not as afraid generally.

Witchofthenorth · 15/07/2011 05:41

This topic always gets peoples knickers in a twist! For what it's worth I think we in the uk are far to reserved when it comes to our children. I am all for teaching independence (age appropriate of course) to our kids. My son is 8 and I would have no issue in leaving him alone for half our or so, and he quite enjoys the feeling of responsibility it gives him.
We do not have play areas at our house and his school is 6 miles away, so all the normal things we do to teach independence to our kids do not apply to me. I cannot let him walk to school, and because he is out of zone, LA transport is not available to us, so he has to rely on me. All his school friends live in surrounding villages and there are no children in our street, so playing outside with his pals is not an option either. Teaching him how to be independent by having short times at home is the only way I can begin to instill this knowledge within him. (of course first time round I was hiding ninja style just to make sure :D)
I am also pregnant at the moment and feeling quite I'll with it this time round and will at times "snooze" in the afternoon, sometimes for 45 minutes or so, I trust him not to burn down the house within this time :)
FWIW I also have a 6 yr old and a 3 yr old and would nt dream of leaving either of them! My 6 yr old still has a ways to go before I trust her not to redecorate my house while I have popped to the shop and well even I would be shouting for social workers if I left my3 yr old at home alone!
It has to be very much dependent on the parent and the capability and maturity of the child, as some other posters,I walked to and from school, had a house key and got me and my brothers ready for school at 8 because both my parents worked full time and we had no child care, I don't understand what has made the world and the way we parent change so much?

NHScutback · 15/07/2011 06:29

Bloody hell, at nearly 8 I was out on my bike all day, just used to come home for supper.

TheHumanCatapult · 15/07/2011 06:36

Think maybe she does not likeleaving him outside alone .But indoors she may well feel he is safe and she knows her son best

seeker · 15/07/2011 07:17

"We've had all sorts of problems here. Ok it's not likely to happen but we've had flooded floor from a crappy boiler, blown electrics blah blah...that's ok...I can sort it. 7 year old dd would be hysterical though...she freaks out if a lightbulb blows. Imagine if there was no adult here to sort it out?"

So don;t leave your 7 year old alone, then. Simple. Nobody's saying it's compulsory!

I wouldn't have left dd either. She hated being on her own at all until she was 11 or 12. But ds loves it and has done since he was between 7 and 8 - when I first started leaving him at home while I took dd to the bus rather than taking him with me. He loves that he is trusted, he enjoys his own company and he knows how to deal with any likely emergency. He probably wouldn't handle a zombie attack, or a plane crashing on the house or a mad ax murderer breaking in terribly well, but then, neither would I if I was home!

exoticfruits · 15/07/2011 07:24

No it's not acceptable and a referal to childrens social care is required. Let child protection investigate the circumstances

Hmm It isn't neglect. I would have thought that as he isn't left alone later in the day that the family has thought it out in a responsible manner and don't want to wake a DC far too early and drag him out all weathers when he can stay in bed, in the safe and dry longer. I would assume that she has a mobile and he could get in touch.

Witchofthenorth · 15/07/2011 07:37

I don't know seeker I think my son would quite enjoy a zombie attack, they are his face monster at the moment [hhmm]

Witchofthenorth · 15/07/2011 07:38

That of course was meant to be fave and not face.....bloody iPad!

GwendolineMaryLacey · 15/07/2011 08:08

I wouldn't. A 7yo might be sensible 99% of the time but they still have the capacity to be monumentally stupid when you least expect it.

cory · 15/07/2011 08:26

Given that leaving a child this age alone for short periods is normal behaviour in much of Europe- and anathema to many people in the UK- could anyone explain to me why those foreigners don't actually seem to have more fatal accidents?

Child mortality is not rife in Scandinavia and surveys seem to show that dangerous behaviour on the part of children is actually far more of a problem in the UK.

Is there anything about English houses- or English beds, since that seems to be what we are talking about- that makes them more dangerous?

Iteotwawki · 15/07/2011 08:28

Interesting. Where I live (NZ) the minimum legal age for staying at home alone is 14. Schools ask kids not to cycle in alone until 10 or so (plenty bike in from 5 with mum or dad). 14 is also the minimum legal age to babysit.

I wouldn't leave mine alone even if it was legal - wouldn't put it past them to come up with some madcap idea involving climbing on ladders!

exoticfruits · 15/07/2011 08:28

Of course they will be momentally stupid if you expect them to be! I expect the parents have risk assessed and know their DC. He hasn't got siblings to argue with-he is most likely in bed. I would feel sorry for him if he had to get up and dressed far too early just because his mother wouldn't leave him, at the end of a phone. It depends on the DC-some you would leave, some you wouldn't-there isn't a blanket rule.

seeker · 15/07/2011 08:29

So a child who has never even been at home alone is suddenly allowed, on it's 14th birthday to take responsibility for another child? Sorry, but that's bonkers!

exoticfruits · 15/07/2011 08:30

It seems remarkably stupid to not leave a DC until 14yrs and then say that not only can they be left but they can immediately babysit younger DCs! A slow build up would be better.

exoticfruits · 15/07/2011 08:32

Great minds seeker! Are you sure that is correct? I wouldn't want a babysitter who had never even looked after themselves for 30 mins. Mad!

Iteotwawki · 15/07/2011 08:44

The law is an ass - isn't that the quote? The thread interested me enough to look the legal minimums up. Over here kids get their provisional driving licences at 15 (which is also bonkers but completely off topic).

I wouldn't want a 14 year old babysitting my pair either (a lovely neighbour with her own grandchildren looks after them on the rare occasion we go out without them).

It's not that I expect them to be monumentally stupid - it's just that one thing will lead to another and another - all seemingly logical ideas along the steps of the chain but it will culminate in total idiocy. Ok, maybe I do expect them to be daft :) but I know them too well!

cory · 15/07/2011 08:55

I would be very happy for my 14yo to babysit a small child if I had one. I leave her with her 11yo brother often enough, and last year when he was 10 I was happy for them to go into town on the bus together and go round the shops, on the assumption that she would be in charge.

It is about knowing your child. She is very mature, she would know what to do in an emergency and I am sure she would clamp down on any dangerous behaviour in the younger ones.

Birdsgottafly · 15/07/2011 09:01

ITEO- my DD (15) is on 'day release' from school and works in a nursey which includes newborns. She is very sensible, always has been. That is the thing it depends on the child and that is why we need the flexibility within the law.

I could have left her at this age.

However i think at the same time it is just as character building for a DC to have to fit in with work commitments and get up of a morning to do so rather than be allowed to choose to stay on their own.

As said though, it depends on what she has put in place, should there be an accident. If she has relatives close by, it wouldn't be a problem. BTBH the fact that 'her English is poor' would worry me that if they were involved in an accident could she communicate that her DS is home alone?

It is down to individual circumstances.

spiderpig8 · 15/07/2011 09:06

I think the point a lot of people are missing is that the OP said the child was nearly 8 ie a lot closer to 8 than 7

FuzzpigFourFiveSix · 15/07/2011 09:09

Witchofthenorth I love the image of you hiding Ninja style watching your DC :o

I do think 14 is too old - when I started secondary I was getting a bus which took an hour on my own (in the dark in winter). As I said, my DSDs are 13 (yr8) and they still aren't allowed home alone, even together! They're very sensible, they've been allowed to walk to/from school (20min) since yr6. They have finally in the last few months been allowed to come to our house alone - two buses, previously we would meet them halfway.

And yet they aren't allowed home alone. I'm sure they'd only veg in front of the telly and scoff crisps like they were going out of fashion, and be fine. Instead when their mum is working they have to go to their nan's after school and watch back-to-back Bargain Hunt.

Just goes to show what a varied range of opinions there are!

walesblackbird · 15/07/2011 09:12

I leave my 7 year old home alone for about 20 minutes while I pick up his siblings from their school. My son attend a special school for children with emotional difficulties and, given that his sibs school is the one he used to attend and loathed, wild horses wouldn't get him anywhere near it now.

So I leave him playing on the x-box with strict instructions on what not to do. He has a phone by his side and I call to check he's ok.

It's not ideal but far safer for him.

FuzzpigFourFiveSix · 15/07/2011 09:14

Birds - I'm sure she would be fine in that sort of situation, the language difficulty is more that she doesn't really feel confident enough to chat, hence us not really knowing each other that well. I think she only speaks Portuguese at home (his dad speaks both) but she presumably does get by as she has a job.

Birdsgottafly · 15/07/2011 09:41

Op-I wouldn't worry then.

LeQueen · 15/07/2011 11:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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