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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

7yo often home alone in the morning, WWYD? If anything?

588 replies

Hufflepuzzpig · 14/07/2011 14:20

I genuinely don't know. Neighbour's DS (nearly 8 but acts very young for his age) always goes in the car with his mum in the evening to pick up his dad from work, and he's not allowed to stay home/on the shared front lawn on his own while his mum goes.

In the mornings though, DH has noticed the DS is never with them, so the mum comes back and then takes him to school. I guess he must still be asleep or just doesn't get dressed on time or doesn't want to go.

Is that ok at that age? I wouldn't leave a 7yo home alone, but I expect many do and I don't think it's as terrible as DH does. He is generally more paranoid/helicoptery than me though. I know it's a really subjective issue, and the age at which parents let DCs be home alone varies massively.

I'd be happy for him to just come over for that time (about 30mins) in the mornings, even if he's in his PJs, should I suggest it? We don't know the parents that well, they are lovely but very shy and his mum in particular struggles with English. I could suggest it to the DS though, he likes it here.

I guess what I'm basically asking is - is nearly-8 old enough for this to be absolutely none of my business and I (and DH!) should chill because it's fine? Or is it a bit young to be home alone even for a short time?

OP posts:
knittedbreast · 14/07/2011 19:49

7yrs old is fine.

stop getting so involved, you have no proof of any other issues. hes just left for 30 mins and probebly dousnt even notice.

when i was left it made me feel trusted and grown up.

ifancyashandy · 14/07/2011 20:15

Was letting myself in from school and spending an hour or so alone from the age of 8. Loved the peace and quiet and telly to myself!

The biggest risk was losin my key - my mother practically stapled it to my forehead! But I knew that XX friend of family lived about 30 secs away and YY friend of family lived about 1min away should any problems arise.

No serious problems ever arose. I also knew to never open door to anyone and fire escape routes.

Still alive 30 something years later!

Gymbob · 14/07/2011 20:25

There is no way I would have been able to leave my DD on her own at 7 years old. She was far too immature, but I wouldn't have done anyway as I think it's too young.

A friend used to leave a key for her 7 year old and he would be on his own until she got back from work an hour or so later. The boy was extremely mature for his age so it seemed okay.

Your neighbours do not sound English? Their culture might mean that 7 is fine to be alone. I met a 16 year old Saudi Arabian boy the other day who told me that he was here in the UK for a month on his own. When I said he was very young to be on his own in a foreign country, he said that in Saudi Arabia a 16 year old boy is considered to be a man. He was very mature indeed.

In the Mirror this week, Miriam Stoppard (agony aunt) said that 11 years was about the age when they can be left for short periods. I think that is about right.

For what it's worth, I work for a local authority, and if I left a child of 7 on their own, they would have something to say about it.

What happens if there is a fire? Would he know what to do? Would you regret not doing something about it? At least speak to the parents and let them know that you are willing to look after him if they'd like you to.

vess · 14/07/2011 22:30

The nice thing to do would be to offer to be a back-up, especially if you're worried. Personally I think it's fine - in fact I'd find it quite strange if you wouldn't trust a nearly 8 year old to be home alone for half an hour.

jellybeans · 14/07/2011 22:40

I think it is far too young but it is still their choice when to leave their DC. I didn't leave mine till about 11.

mrsdonkeybucket · 14/07/2011 22:52

On the directgov site, it says that :

There is no legal age limit for leaving a child on their own, but it is an offence to leave a child alone if it places them at risk. Parents can be prosecuted if they leave a child unsupervised 'in a manner likely to cause unnecessary suffering or injury to health. (Children and Young Persons Act).

mrsdonkeybucket · 14/07/2011 22:54

Could he be home talking on the phone or via webcam to someone ?

To reassure yourself, I would perhaps have a friendly chat and ask if they would like you to look after him ?

It would at least put your mind at rest.

cory · 14/07/2011 23:02

None of my Swedish friends or relatives would even understand what the problem was with leaving a 7yo for half an hour; they all do it. I have often wondered what it is that makes British children either so much more helpless or so much more precious. A hard-hearted lot, us Scandinavians.

Portofino · 14/07/2011 23:06

I have a 7.5 year old. No way would I leave her. But actually at weekends she gets up, puts the tv on and gets her own breakfast. It's the same thing to all intents and purposes. As others have said, I would offer to do "back up" but would not call SS.

seeker · 14/07/2011 23:06

Look. You all, I am sure, leave your 7 year olds alone in one room watching Horrible Histories while you cook, or work or have a bath in another room, or haing the washing up or put the bins out.

And they don;t move a muscle until the programme's over.

How is that different from nipping up the road to drop someone at a bus stop?

kevlarbrassiere · 14/07/2011 23:08

I'm not sure what could be gained from contacting ss or any other agency.

Its just likely to put more pressure on the family functioning and end up on the mum not having a car for the day (due to dad needing transport), etc.

Surely no harm will come to this boy?

Why are people so interested in what other families do with their time?

If that same child was out on the street, playing, unsupervised for the same amount of time, then no one would be bothered.

lovesicecream · 14/07/2011 23:55

My 8 year old plays outside the house with the other kids on the street, the difference is if he hurts himself he will come back in and I'm there! You don't know who's living on your street, watching your child walk home from school on their own etc, also most accidents happen in the home, is it realy worth the risk

Gooseberrybushes · 15/07/2011 00:01

14 to be left alone at home??

a joke surely

very odd to ask for intervention which could be quite damaging just on the grounds of nearly 8yo being left along for half an hour

Gooseberrybushes · 15/07/2011 00:02

yy kevlar

cory · 15/07/2011 00:04

but lovesicecream, the OP was not about a child walking home from school; it was about a child being left alone for a short while in the morning- possibly because he is still in bed

Gooseberrybushes · 15/07/2011 00:04

"In the Mirror this week, Miriam Stoppard (agony aunt) said that 11 years was about the age when they can be left for short periods."

what?

do these people have real lives with real small people called children?

cory · 15/07/2011 00:10

fwiw, Gooseberry, dd at the age of 12 was actually questioned by a SW (involved because of disability) as to why a child her age still attended a childminder's: the implication being that my overprotectiveness might be holding her back

dd explained that she only went twice a week for social reasons (she was friends with some of the other mindees) and SW seemed happy with this;

this was a case of a disabled child who might well have been considered to need more assistance than most

so some SWs clearly don't think that children should be constantly supervised until they are 14

Gooseberrybushes · 15/07/2011 00:11

that's interesting cory -

is this all a bit depressing or am I just very old-fashioned

Gooseberrybushes · 15/07/2011 00:13

"left for short periods" Hmm

reminds me of sunbathing advice - "by the third day of your holiday you may roll up your trouser legs by two inches for five minutes at a time always being sure to apply factor one millon sun cream first"

cory · 15/07/2011 00:34

I have read the not-under-14 advice before and it always makes me wonder if these people know anything about the reality of secondary school children: the fact that there is basically no after-school care, that most childminders won't take them and that successive governments have been rather anxious to get parents back to work. And that they are...errhhmmm...quite big.

savoycabbage · 15/07/2011 00:35

Although I have never left my dd, 7 I would do it if I needed to. I have let her and her cousin (7) go to the park alone for twenty minutes. There are children in my dd's class who walk themselves home from school.

Morloth · 15/07/2011 00:48

YABU.

I leave my 7yo DS home when I run DH up to the bus stop (or go collect him). He is fine, nothing is going to happen. At his age I was collecting my little brother from preschool, walking him home and keeping an eye on him until my older siblings got in half an hour later.

He can use a phone, open a door etc, he isn't stupid.

He is perfectly safe and it gives him a feeling of independance.

A 7 year old is not a toddler. They are perfectly capable of doing waaaay more than most people give them credit for.

Birdsgottafly · 15/07/2011 01:32

Allflies-SCR's are conducted to decide wether the LA has failed in any way in their duty of care or broken laws and guidelines and to learn from its findings, nothing to do with public opinion. It is conducted by senior SW's and CP experts, for good reason.

I think that under the circumstances described it would be generally fine to leave him, however i do think that the child should be made to get up and go with the parents unless it is really early, such as before six am.

The parents may be leaving him to sleep in of a morning so he doesn't have to go to bed as early and they get to spend more time with him but unless there is a relative close by, i don't think that he should be left.

From an SS POV, we would say, don't leave your DC with anyone unless you know them well, it is a minefield minding DC's if you don't know the family well, also.

So by all means offer to be backup but i wouldn't mind him or knock on the door unless you are needed to. If he is up and dressed to be able to be put in a neighbours there is no reason that he cannot be taken with them, from an SS POV.

Bast · 15/07/2011 02:50

Do you let your children play out or go to a local shop alone? Mine don't play out but are allowed to the local shop on their own, from about 7 onwards. They're positively aged compared to many other children!

There always seems an age skew as far as acceptable home alone v out alone go.

TheFrogs · 15/07/2011 04:04

There is no way I would ever leave my 7 year old home alone for any period of time.

She is pretty sensible and very intelligent but she is still a child, and no matter how mature she may come across, she is not equipped to deal with an "emergency" situation. If i'm in the garden for 30 mins i'm pretty sure i'd notice my house was on fire...if i'm off somewhere else there's no chance of me knowing at all.

We've had all sorts of problems here. Ok it's not likely to happen but we've had flooded floor from a crappy boiler, blown electrics blah blah...that's ok...I can sort it. 7 year old dd would be hysterical though...she freaks out if a lightbulb blows. Imagine if there was no adult here to sort it out?