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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

7yo often home alone in the morning, WWYD? If anything?

588 replies

Hufflepuzzpig · 14/07/2011 14:20

I genuinely don't know. Neighbour's DS (nearly 8 but acts very young for his age) always goes in the car with his mum in the evening to pick up his dad from work, and he's not allowed to stay home/on the shared front lawn on his own while his mum goes.

In the mornings though, DH has noticed the DS is never with them, so the mum comes back and then takes him to school. I guess he must still be asleep or just doesn't get dressed on time or doesn't want to go.

Is that ok at that age? I wouldn't leave a 7yo home alone, but I expect many do and I don't think it's as terrible as DH does. He is generally more paranoid/helicoptery than me though. I know it's a really subjective issue, and the age at which parents let DCs be home alone varies massively.

I'd be happy for him to just come over for that time (about 30mins) in the mornings, even if he's in his PJs, should I suggest it? We don't know the parents that well, they are lovely but very shy and his mum in particular struggles with English. I could suggest it to the DS though, he likes it here.

I guess what I'm basically asking is - is nearly-8 old enough for this to be absolutely none of my business and I (and DH!) should chill because it's fine? Or is it a bit young to be home alone even for a short time?

OP posts:
ImperialBlether · 14/07/2011 16:23

There's such a lot of hypocrisy here. As BelieveInPink says, everyone would be quick enough to shout if something happened to the child when he was on his own.

It is too young. I can't believe anyone thinks it isn't.

seeker · 14/07/2011 16:29

I think it isn't. But then, i don;t actually think that I have magic powers. Mumsnet appears to be in thrall to a matriachal cult - believing tha the presence of a "MOTHER" prevents bad things happening - once the "MOTHER" leaves the forces of evil move in and take over.

sausagesandmarmelade · 14/07/2011 16:40

Quite believeinpink

And aside from the potential physical dangers.....there is an argument that young children can suffer emotionally when left on their own...feeling lonely, anxious and insecure etc

LeQueen · 14/07/2011 16:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

intelligenceitself · 14/07/2011 16:50

My 8 year old is often left with my 11 year old for 3 hours at a time. There is no childcare before 8 am, I'm a single parent and that's that. If anyone has a problem with it they can look after my children for free with a CRB check naturally Smile

gallifrey · 14/07/2011 17:00

I have no problem with leaving a responsible child of that age at home along for 30 mins, but wouldn't it be awful if they had an accident or broke down.

gallifrey · 14/07/2011 17:02

or alone even!

sorry I didn't word that very well reading it back. I mean if the parents had a car accident while their child was at home alone

pengelly · 14/07/2011 17:13

You say he is young for his age. This is clearly a regular occurance. You are right to be concerned. If you have noticed how many others have noticed? It only takes one pedophile or violent burgular etc. Speak to the parents first. Be frank and express your concerns in an objective, but firm and supportive manner. Offer to help if you can. If it persists report it to social care / or the childs school head should be able to help. Do not ignore this. What advice do you think the parents of abucted children would give you?

spiderpig8 · 14/07/2011 17:16

I think if he nearly 8 it's fine.But it's good you are looking out for his welfare

loiner45 · 14/07/2011 17:21

a parent could be out in the garden for half an hour hanging out washing, or weeding - would the child have to be with them? What if the parent had a heart attack and died in the garden, or fell off a ladder and the child was in the house? it's a judgment call - and the age at which parent's judgements are called into question seems to be getting pushed further back!

I have to say I would worry too much to leave them if I was driving - but I do understand the problem. My DS used to leave her kids asleep in bed at that age, when she walked her dogs at 6am, and woke them when she got back - again, I would not do that but it was her decision and they were perfectly OK. I was certainly playing out in the streets without a parent at 7 too.

I think a friendly word is the best option, tell the mum they can have your phone number on speed dial etc.

Avantia · 14/07/2011 17:24

I leave my nearly 11 yr old and 9 yr old in the morning whilst I walk the dog , about an hour.

They know where I have gone , I always leave a big note on my bedroom door - my mobile is programmed into house phone - when I get back they are usually still asleep and as long as we have a TV in the house they never venture fair from the sofa if they get up.

Each child is different so very difficult to make judgements on other children that are left. Yes it is subjective - OP , no harm in having a chat with your neighbour to see if you can help out - how you bring the subject up may be a bit more difficult - not only due to the sensitivity but you say she struggles with English.

I know that there are no other 'issues' with my children and I think that leaving children like this is more common than some would think. As adults we weigh up the risk - the risk of having a car accident and being totally unable to contact your children or someone else to do it is very small.

I dont think a referral at this stage is necessary - and even if it was made then if no other indicators present - from school, other referals, police etc it would not go anywhere.

Avantia · 14/07/2011 17:26

I think the risk of house being broken into by violent burglar or pedophile targeting the child in his own home is smaller than having a car accident !

AvonCallingBarksdale · 14/07/2011 17:28

Well, DS is 7, and I wouldn't leave him. Not necessarily because I'd be worried that something would happen, just that I know he'd hate it and would be distressed. 7 sounds young to me tbh, but I know there are way more mature 7yo than mine around Smile

squeakytoy · 14/07/2011 17:29

The risk of anything happening to him is also far less than if he was playing out for an hour, which most children that age tend to do.

tinierclanger · 14/07/2011 17:31

Hmm. Does that mean it wouldn't be ok for a 7 year old to go out on their own then? I'm fairly sure I was being sent to the shops at that age.

I think the suggestion of offering to be a backup is a good one. Helpful without being intrusive.

elastamum · 14/07/2011 17:35

I did a straw poll of my mum friends on this a while back and nearly everyone was happy to leave their kids at home whilst they popped out, but I think one of the saddest things is that because it is so frowned upon, people do not tell their neighbours that there are children in the house alone.

BTW Have just returned from doing the horses. Children and dogs still slabbed out on the sofa watching TV, dont think anyone has moved a muscle! Grin

Marne · 14/07/2011 17:35

I wouldn't leave my 7 year old alone, i dont let her play outside alone and wouldn't pop to the shop and leave her on her own. I think its too young, if there was a fire then the child might not be able to get out Sad.

pingu2209 · 14/07/2011 17:39

Well I leave my 8 year old for 1/2 an hour at a time every now and again. If he doesn't want to leave the house for some reason and I know I'm not going to be longer than 1/2 hour I would leave him. However, not for more than 1/2 hour.

In the past, I have left my children for 8 mins (yes I timed it) to take my dh to the station in the morning to catch the 6 or 6.30 train. They are all in bed. They would be 3, 5 and 7.

Hulababy · 14/07/2011 17:41

Too much too young imo.

7y should not, imo, be left home alone.

Avantia · 14/07/2011 17:44

What is the chance of a fire suddenly happening though ?

If you check before you go out that cooker , hob, straightening irons are off , no matches in house etc then very unlikey it will go up in flames !

there are so many 'what if's' involved - I live in the flight path of Heathrow - what if a plane crashes on my house - oh hang on- considering the number of air craft taking off each day/ year and the number of times this has happened then I think I am OK to leave the house .

Original poster
Hufflepuzzpig · 14/07/2011 17:52

Good point abra1d, about the area - very nice, low crime etc. Technically a village but very modern - everyone is friendly and polite, but it's not all chummy, we live near an airport so there are lots of pilots etc, people on shifts like paramedics, and DINKY couples so it's very quiet, and not many children here.

TBH though I guess I would be more concerned about an accident in the home, as statistically that is far more likely?

OP posts:
lovesicecream · 14/07/2011 18:14

My son is 8 and very sensible, even so there is no way I would leave him on his own in the house for any amount of time I don't think it's a responsible thing to do at all

jugglingmug · 14/07/2011 18:15

I think it would be a kind, neighbourly thing to offer to either have him round for half an hour or be on standby in case there was a problem.

The NSPCC will offer advice without taking details if you feel in need of some help from qualified,experienced professionals.

NearlySpring · 14/07/2011 19:25

I don't think any amount of time is acceptable when we're talking about leaving a 3,5 and 7 year old alone in a house. Ten mins even is too long! I cannot believe people let

baldbyfifty · 14/07/2011 19:31

Hmm tricky one but our eldest is ten and I still wouldn't, people notice these things and it only takes some nutter to notice he's on his own same time everyday etc children are too precious to risk.