7yo often home alone in the morning, WWYD? If anything?

[Hufflepuzzpig]

I genuinely don't know. Neighbour's DS (nearly 8 but acts very young for his age) always goes in the car with his mum in the evening to pick up his dad from work, and he's not allowed to stay home/on the shared front lawn on his own while his mum goes.

In the mornings though, DH has noticed the DS is never with them, so the mum comes back and then takes him to school. I guess he must still be asleep or just doesn't get dressed on time or doesn't want to go.

Is that ok at that age? I wouldn't leave a 7yo home alone, but I expect many do and I don't think it's as terrible as DH does. He is generally more paranoid/helicoptery than me though. I know it's a really subjective issue, and the age at which parents let DCs be home alone varies massively.

I'd be happy for him to just come over for that time (about 30mins) in the mornings, even if he's in his PJs, should I suggest it? We don't know the parents that well, they are lovely but very shy and his mum in particular struggles with English. I could suggest it to the DS though, he likes it here.

I guess what I'm basically asking is - is nearly-8 old enough for this to be absolutely none of my business and I (and DH!) should chill because it's fine? Or is it a bit young to be home alone even for a short time?

seeker my children have done/do all those things too (apart from riding bareback and jumping, only DD2 liked riding and she is not physically brave ) but they were all supervised by an experienced adult until they were able to cope well enough do without adult supervision and they don't do any of it entirely "alone" even now, there is always someone there to raise the alarm in case of accident, they do not have to raise the alarm themselves !

I see your son is alone for 10 mins now, not 20, or was that a typo?

I don't think that at 7yrs my mother would have left me to 'pop to the shop' she would have stayed at home and sent me to the shop. Likewise she didn't have to leave one of us to do a school run-she waved us off at the door and she didn't have to take her 5 yr old (once he was used to the walk) because as an 8yr old I took him. Life has just changed. My father took us in the car if it was pouring with rain.

exotic I, too, walked over 4 miles to school when I was 7. There were loads of us walking to the same school together, (always someone to raise the alarm). I wouldn't be nearly so worried about two 7/8 year olds left for 10 -20 minutes.

Just typed a long post, which appears to have been lost as MN was rebooting!

Short version - when I was a child, we played out and had a lot more freedom than I would ever give my boys. From the age of 7 we were allowed out in groups, with the older children "keeping an eye" on the younger.

Nice area, polite well brought up children, but when we were let out, it was like Lord of the Flies. The older boys taught us to climb up half built houses on building sites, hot wired diggers, started fires, not to mention the (what I now recognise to be) sex abuse that went on. Lots of bullying, wars with neighbouring roads...

At 7, I was far to young to realise just how bad it was, but I actually preferred to stay in the garden. It only stopped when one 10 year old boy wee'd on a 7 year old girl's head, and her Mum intervened.

In due course, I will be happy for my boys to go to the shops, or cycle to the swimming pool, but just playing out in groups, without any specific activity may lead to greater independence, but not always of the wanted type.

Not saying it happens to everyone, but if it happened where we lived, I do believe it could happen anywhere.

And no-one took us in a car if it was raining, you just put your gumboots on and got on with it!

Legal interpretion would go AGAINST a 7 year old being left alone. Espcially as he is immature

There were loads of us walking but sometimes it was just me on my own-it wasn't an issue. I would be far more worried leaving two 7/8yr olds on their own-I wouldn't do it.

All it means robingood is that you are responsible when they are on their own. Why would you leave an immature 7yr old?

sittinginthesun my point exactly, young children left aimlessly will tend to get into mischief of some kind or other, especially if they are bright. Children are hard-wired to learn and they learn best by experimenting. Some experiments are not as safe as they may, at first, seem. Going out in a group with a purpose, get to school on time or else there'll be trouble, is much safer!

We all have different ideas. There is no way I would leave two seven year olds, they may cook up something and dare each other. One that I know, will do as asked.
I can fully see that the family in OP leave him first thing in the morning and not later in the day, when he might be bored and looking for something to do.
I wouldn't have left my 16yr old overnight-perfectly happy that they could cope-just didn't trust his friends and not sure that he could have withheld peer pressure. You do have to know your DC.

withstood not withheld

one that I know will do as asked So sorry, didn't realise I was talking to Mrs Omniscient! [clicks heels, salutes smartly]

Frantic, I made a similar point ages ago - a 7yo is not 100% predictable 100% of the time.
If I were you I wouldn't be drawn into this any more - it's clear that whenever we make valid points they're mocked and disregarded. Apparently some people here can't see the difference between "knowing your child" and "mindreading your child".

Wannabe, no I wasn't brought up in a home where alcohol was hidden away. I sneakily had whisky when my parents were out one evening - I had tasted it before, but it was more sneaky doing it while I was home alone. I was extremely sensible and regarded as completely trustworthy. Yet I still did it. That's all. No ""my parents clearly didn't know me" or "you weren't ready to be left alone". Just a 10yo being a bit naughty.

I know my DCs, frantic-obviously not 100% in every circumstance-but enough to trust in certain circumstances.
I wouldn't leave someone else's DC-and not even my nephew-as I can't say the same. I have had my own since birth.
I keep saying there is no blanket rule. Then I get people saying it is irresponsible to leave an immature 7yr old-as if I am saying all parents should leave all 7 yr olds!!
There is absolutely no way I would have sneaked alcohol at 10yrs old-therefore I was 100% predictable-in that matter.
I wouldn't leave two 7yr olds together-no matter how predictable I thought them-it seems a recipe for trouble.
You pick and choose (as OP has done) If at 7yrs they are bored and doing nothing in particular, I wouldn't leave them.If they are deeply into a TV programme that I know has 30 mins to run I would leave them, if they were engrossed in a book I would leave them.If they were trampolining in the garden I wouldn't.
It is risk assessment-something you hope to teach DCs.-

One of my friends had a vitally important work meeting one day. The school was shut because of an INSET day and her neighbour who was supposed to be babysitting let her down. She left her 10.5-year-old alone at home for 5.5 hours.

Two days later she had a visit from SS who told her in no uncertain terms that it was unacceptable.

If you are doing it gradually you would not have got from 20 mins aged nearly 8yrs to 5.5hours, including lunch, 30 months later. I would say up to an hour for that age-not more than 2 hrs anyway.

But you don't know for certain that you will be back before the programme ends, especially if you are out in a car. You don't know that the child will not get to a boring bit in the book and get fed up with it or put it down because they need the loo and then get sidetracked into something else. Suppose it's a winter morning or afternoon and lighting is needed? The child moves to another room, switches on the light and the bulb goes, tripping the whole circuit, leaving him/her in the dark. Suppose someone comes to the door and, seeing that there is someone there (through a window, or by hearing movement) persists in knocking even though the door is not being answered? Supposing he/she goes to get themselves a drink and drops the glass, smashing it and then, worried that he hasn't "been sensible" tries to clean up himself and cuts himself? These are just fairly commonplace things which could happen and upset a 7 year old's equilibrium.

vmcd28 you're right of course, people will continue to leave young children and, for the most part, it will be fine so more and more people will do it and so the odds of unsupervised children being hurt will rise. No-one seems to understand the maths.

No 13 year old would ever baby sit my kids. No way!

Sorry, frantic - that was a typo. I meant 20 minutes.

In much the same way as there are very different opinions on here, you could expect different LA's to react in differing ways.

15 years ago, as a NQSW I accompanied my manager on a home visit to inform a family, in very strong terms, that it was not acceptable for their 9, almost 10 year old daughter to be alone after school for an hour every night.

Two years later, in a different LA, a similar situation was seen as ok.

As with all things, as parents I think we need to weigh up risks and benefits. I would not be worried about convincing anyone else that my son or daughter was ok on their own, I would need to convince myself and be truely happy that this was the right decision, based on my child's ability, rather than a decision made out of convenience.

Like many others, at age 7 I was out on my own for the majority of the day, without adult supervision, and aged 10 I was looking after my three year old brother all day during school holidays. I would not dream of thinking that was ok, but my own social worker then did not seem to bat an eyelid.

And it doesn;t matter how well supervised by a responsibly adult a child sailing a dinghy single handed or riding a pony is, they could be hit by the boom or thrown just as easily as if they were completely alone.

How many times have the electrics tripped though frantic. I have plastic beakers anyway. They could fall on a glass when i am there. You could take them to the shop with you and be in a car crash.

But seeker, the mother/father being with them wouldn't necessarily stop the danger involved with sailing, but they could reduce it as they have more experience /sense.
But the POINT is actually that if the child is alone there's no-one responsible to help/get medical treatment etc.

I thought of you today seeker when I left my 4 year old while I went to the post box on the corner :o