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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

7yo often home alone in the morning, WWYD? If anything?

588 replies

Hufflepuzzpig · 14/07/2011 14:20

I genuinely don't know. Neighbour's DS (nearly 8 but acts very young for his age) always goes in the car with his mum in the evening to pick up his dad from work, and he's not allowed to stay home/on the shared front lawn on his own while his mum goes.

In the mornings though, DH has noticed the DS is never with them, so the mum comes back and then takes him to school. I guess he must still be asleep or just doesn't get dressed on time or doesn't want to go.

Is that ok at that age? I wouldn't leave a 7yo home alone, but I expect many do and I don't think it's as terrible as DH does. He is generally more paranoid/helicoptery than me though. I know it's a really subjective issue, and the age at which parents let DCs be home alone varies massively.

I'd be happy for him to just come over for that time (about 30mins) in the mornings, even if he's in his PJs, should I suggest it? We don't know the parents that well, they are lovely but very shy and his mum in particular struggles with English. I could suggest it to the DS though, he likes it here.

I guess what I'm basically asking is - is nearly-8 old enough for this to be absolutely none of my business and I (and DH!) should chill because it's fine? Or is it a bit young to be home alone even for a short time?

OP posts:

seeker · 18/07/2011 18:51

I think my bottom line is that I am not prepared to live my life constrained by "what ifs". Yes, my house might burn down while I am out - but, actually, it won't. My ds might decide to do something daft and hurt himself - but actually he won't. And even if he did, he would only have to sit with a sprained ankle (people were always spraining ankles when I was a child - they don;t seem to do it any more!) at the most 20 minutes (if he did it as I shut the door) until I got home. And it would have to be an incredibly serous accident for a few minutes wait to make a difference - or which would mean he couldn;t get to the phone to the neighbours.

I nearly died in a riding accident when I was a child. My heart is in my mouth whenever I watch dd jumping her pony. I would love to keep my children safe at home with me and wrapped in bubble wrap, but my job is to send them out, joyful and brave and confident into the world, not realizing that they are leaving a gibbering wreck behind them.

ChristinedePizan · 18/07/2011 18:59

Absolutely. I worry that some parents won't let their children do any activity that is perceived as dangerous in future which makes me very sad :(

exoticfruits · 18/07/2011 19:10

I don't see how some of you live with the level of anxiety of 'what might happen'- as houses seem to be about to burn down etc etc-what strikes me as very strange is that you don't appear to think it could possible happen to you-only when the DC is alone! I can think of lots of dreadful things that have happened to adults when they are alone with the DC. There seems to be a talisman as if nothing could possibly happen to you or your house while you are there! This is simply not true-most accidents that happen to adults, happen in the home-they are not immune.'

My DS has been in a capsized dinghy, where the rudder broke. It was terrifying but I'm glad he went and I wouldn't stop him going again. They all rock climb-I don't like watching-but I do. DS1 now does ice climbing-I couldn't watch that-but I wouldn't stop him. I keep all my fears to myself and smile.

I have assessed the risk of all that I do. I am not negligent. I am not going to fill my DCs with fears of 'what if'-I am just going to make sure they know what to do in case of the 'what if'. (DS was superb in the capsized dinghy and I was very proud-he went into survival mode and did exactly what he was told to do.)

ifancyashandy · 18/07/2011 19:13

I too was babysitting at 13. I was often left at home whilst parents finished work (I said upthread that I used to let myself in from age 7 or 8). Also walked to and from school. If a smashed a glass, I got the dustpan out and swept it into newspaper. And I was shown when the stopcock and mains switches were but can't recall ever having to use them. Do remember making a quiche aged 10 before my parents got home and my mum being so pleased that she didn't have to cook!

Worst accident I ever had was as an adult when I broke my leg at my boyfriends house.

Other than that, I survived!

notbestpleased · 18/07/2011 19:15

IMO I am pretty sure that SS would be doing something if something was to happen to the child that was left alone....maybe a charge for child neglect...no way on this earth would I leave my 7 year old for 30 mins whilst I took a trip in my car.

exoticfruits · 18/07/2011 19:23

Nothing has happened and as he is still in bed I doubt it will.

frantic51 · 18/07/2011 19:28

vmcd28 they don't want to know about statistics, they don't want to face up to the fact that these statistics show that between the ages of 5 and 14 more accidents happen in the home than anywhere else. They don't realise that the more youngsters are left in the home alone the more they are chancing the odds that there will be an accident with no-one around to help. They persist in their anecdotal "when I was 7" type of "argument" and ignore cold hard facts and published statistics. "I have plastic beakers in my house" so a child who clearly can't be trusted with anything but a plastic drinking vessel is capable of being in the house alone? Really? You're serious? And people really do leave toddlers/preschoolers in the care of 13 year olds? I don't have anxieties because I don't put my kids in any situation that I am not 110% certain they can handle, unless there is someone on hand to help in case of difficulty, simple!

notbestpleased my only consolation is that, if anything happened to a young child in such a situation, the parent/carer who put them in that situation would almost certainly be prosecuted.

hissingsid · 18/07/2011 19:30

I am new, be gentle.

I have been watching this thread with interest as I have a nine year old.

The dog needs a walk in the mornings early about 6.30ish and three days a week my husband is not here.

My son is asleep and I am agonising wheather to do the 15 min walk or keep it to the garden.

My son is sensible and would be ok if I told him what would happen in the mornings.........ie if the porch light is on and the dog lead is gone we will be no longer than 15 mins.

BUT

My good friend works for social services and after asking her her reply was ........'' it is ok until something happens, and even if it happens by accident you will be held responsible, for example if he fell and injured himself and had to go to hospital when you got home, social services would be called if he was on his own'' and once your name is on the books its on the books.

exoticfruits · 18/07/2011 19:36

Of course you will be responsible, but he is 9yrs old. If he is happy, knows you have gone, have your mobile and knows where you are going he will be fine.If you are only going 15mins, that means that you are never 7 and a half minutes from the house and so you could run it in less than 4 mins.
SS would have to say that.She would be saying the same if he was 14yrs old-because you are still responsible for him-it would be a bit silly if you couldn't go out for a couple of hours and leave a 14yr old-and they can be a lot worse than a 9yr old!

frantic51 · 18/07/2011 19:37

There's a huge difference between 9 and 7 and a huge difference between 15 minutes and 30 minutes, also a huge difference between going out in a car and going for a short walk. You're going to walk approximately 7/8 minutes in one direction and then walk back? I'd probably do that one unless the 9 year old in question is particularly prone to irresponsible behaviour or was unhappy at the thought of being left alone. You say your son is sensible? Talk to him first and find out how he feels about it. If he was ok about it I'd do it. Bearing in mind that your friend in SS speaks the truth.

exoticfruits · 18/07/2011 19:41

I left my preschool DCs with their 13yr old brother if I was popping out. He babysat at night, when 14 if they were in bed asleep-I was easily contactable and could always be back. You can't a get a babysitter for a 6ft 14yr old!

exoticfruits · 18/07/2011 19:43

Good frantic-the voice of common sense! There is a world of difference between 7and 9yrs. I can see people's hesitation with a 7yr old and going off with the car, but not being the maxof 8mins away on foot with a 9yr old.

frantic51 · 18/07/2011 19:53

My 16 year old has only just started to be allowed to babysit and only for one family who have boys aged 12 and 9 and only if I am not busy and on hand to go over to help if there is any difficulty (5 minute drive away). I didn't allow my other daughter to babysit babies or toddlers until she was over 18 and had plenty of experience helping out with relatives los under supervision. Children are precious.

exoticfruits · 18/07/2011 19:53

When I say he was babysitting at 14yrs-it was a gradual build up-we started with out with friends for a couple of hours-down the road-we were not going to parties 20 miles away ending at 2am!

ifancyashandy · 18/07/2011 19:57

I was babysitting a baby when I was 13. Nothing bad ever happened.

'Children are precious' is one of my least favourite sayings. Like you think you care more. Which isn't true. The vast majority of parents love their kids as much as the next person.

exoticfruits · 18/07/2011 19:58

I babysat when I was in the 6th form from 16yrs onwards for a 14month old and 4 yr old-I stayed the night if they were after midnight. The 14 month old regularly woke-I got her back to sleep. Their DCs were very precious!!!
I had a lovely 6th former babysit for me-she was Head Girl-which tells you a lot-she was fine.She could have called her mother if not. By the time they are 18yrs they go to university and are not available.

Fifis25StottieCakes · 18/07/2011 20:04

I babysat all through my teen years. We had parties, got drunk and didnt do much babysitting

frantic51 · 18/07/2011 20:05

It's not about caring, it's about ignorance and I don't mean that in a pejorative sense but in a "lack of experience" sense. I like horses and I have ridden a bit and helped out in stables when I was young. Wouldn't make me fit to look after a couple of thoroughbreds for a week while the owners were on holiday. Doesn't mean I wouldn't care [shrug]

ChristinedePizan · 18/07/2011 20:05

My niece travelled round the world on her own when she was 18. How old do your DC have to be before you'll allow that frantic? 35?

frantic51 · 18/07/2011 20:08

I was once left with my sister for the evening while my parents were out. I was about 8 and she, 17. Someone kept ringing up and heavy breathing down the phone. No harm came to either of us but we were both nervous wrecks by the time my sister had tracked down our parents and summoned them home.

frantic51 · 18/07/2011 20:10

Probably, Christine, probably. I'm 51 and I wouldn't do it. With a couple of friends would be fine, for either of us.

ChristinedePizan · 18/07/2011 20:12

Well that would freak me out out now tbh. At least nowadays with mobile phones, it's very easy to get hold of people if there's a problem. When I was babysitting at 14/15/16, there weren't mobiles. I babysat every weekend pretty much until I left home. I never had a single occasion where I had to ring the parents.

frantic51 · 18/07/2011 20:12

Fortunately my children are all very sensible and wouldn't do that (just done a quick straw poll) Also had the remark "wouldn't want to be that much of a loner"!

frantic51 · 18/07/2011 20:14

x post I think? I take it that was referring to the heavy breather?

WannaBeMarryPoppins · 18/07/2011 20:14

Aw, that's a sad response somehow frantic. I don't see travelling alone as being a loner, I think it shows one does what one wants. And that the girl is independent and brave enough to do it as well.
So I really don't think saying fortunately is the right thing here.

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